"Sense and Sensibility" Review - From the Vaults

 So, "Sense and Sensibility"...

It's like the porn parody of "Pride and Prejudice", but without the porn. 

There's these two sisters, played by Barney Thomson's mum and Rose from Titanic, who live in the house of the foreman from The Full Monty. He dies in the first five minutes, leaving the house in the care of Hugo from the Vicar of Dibley and his bitch wife. So now the two of them are forced to live with the late Robert Hardy and his wife, the two best characters of the film.

Mrs Barney Thomson is trying her best to keep shit together, and even falls for Hugh Grant, but he has to leave. She also meets a lovely Colonel played by Hans Gruber, who delivers every line as if he's in a thriller, which is amazing. 

"How was India, Colonel Brandon?"

"The air. Is filled with spices."

I mean, Jesus Brandon, the little girl asked you a question, there's no need to frighten the every-loving buggery out of me.

Meanwhile, her sister is being a slag on the moors, when she meets some fuck-boy named Willoughby. The guy proves that he's a massive tool  when he swans about on a horse with his collar open and immediately goes touching the calves and ankles of Winslet. I mean, Jesus Christ lady, why don't you give him a handjob whilst you're at it?! Can't you see that he's a fuck-boy, and that there's a very nice Colonel Brandon whose HEART YOU ARE RIPPING APART IN YOUR HARLOTRY?!

...

Again, I got heavily invested in this movie.