"Malignant" Review - From the Vaults

 Somewhere, atop a throne in a baroque, Gothic, Hammer Horror set: James Wan sits with his "Aquaman" money, akin to Ozymandias or Alexander the Great. Bored with this world and those who dwell within it, stifled by mortal means, he is approached by a woman...

"What bothers you, my love?"

"Ah, Ingrid, love of my life, shining star of all creation... 'tis not you that vexes me so..."

"I am pleased to hear it, James. Do tell, what problem persists in thine mind? Perhaps I can aid in obtaining solutions you seek for this pallid anhedonia wracking your soul?"

"Ingrid, you know me too well! I have made a billion dollars with a movie about a trident wielding fish man and Julie Andrews. I have birthed "torture porn" with Leigh Whannell, who now courts others as their muse. I have rebirthed love for the classic haunted house and Baroque, Gothic horror in "The Conjuring" and "Insidious"... What world is there left to conquer?"

"Ah, such a simple problem you fixate upon! One easily rectified..."

"Tell me, my shining star, my endless delight, source of all that is good and pure in my world, how do I fix this? Pray, tell! I need, nay, MUST know!"

*slams book on desk*

"What is this, Ingrid my dear?"

"... I call it... 'Malignant'!"

This is a weird one.

I spent the entire runtime making this face

I heartily recommend that you do not watch the trailer. 

DO NOT WATCH THE TRAILER.

Asking me if this is a good or a bad movie seems to dodge the purpose and very reason for this movie's existence. 

James Wan set out with a vision. He was granted this vision, and had nobody to stop him from unleashing it.

From a story his wife came up with based upon... well I won't say; he created a 70s pastiche of the surreal. It's not particularly scary, though there is excellent craftsman ship and that usual James Wan flair and love of the strange and "spooooooooky" on display; and with its somewhat clunky lines and odd sense of humour and general silliness for the most part, you wonder what the fuss is about.

Then it clicks.

Context is neither needed, nor deserved

I won't say when, because it'll happen at different points for different people (for me it was the dramatic orchestral sting and close up of a trophy for "Psychiatric Excellence", although the detective character being called "Kokoa Shaw" repeatedly and with a straight face is a VERY close second; along with a character revealing they are adopted, only for the scene to abruptly end like it's fucking Tommy Wiseau's "The Room") but you'll fucking know when you watch it.

The score chimes in at the weirdest moments, its twist is fucking surreal and yet incredibly foreshadowed and thrown in, the violence is GREAT, the villain silly, the characters funny, and the sole bit of tension for me comes in a minor, adorable side character at the end hiding...

It's a batshit mental film where a character throws a chair backwards over their shoulder like they're Charles fucking Barkley and takes out not one, but two moving targets at 200 feet.

10/10