"Ready or Not: Here I Come"

Moments after surviving a bloodsport with her now very dead in-laws The Le Domas Family, blood-drenched bride Grace (Samara Weaving) awakens cuffed to a bed with her emergency contact, estranged sister Faith (Kathryn Newton) pissed at her ridiculous story of demonic cults. Before they can bury the hatchet, however, both are kidnapped for a "double or nothing" game for a seat at the table which rules the world from the shadows. Now hunted across a golf course by the wealthiest families on Earth, the siblings must bury the hatchet... into the blue-blooded necks around them...

(Source: Film Yap substack)
This was a fucking excellent time.
There was never really a need for a sequel to the rip-roaring bloodbath of "Ready Or Not" and its tale of how the rich really are demonic, vile losers; but as far as unecessary sequels go this is the most fun I've had in years. The makers (the seemingly always great collective "Radio Silence", behind the first film and the absolutely magnificent "Abigail") double down on the humour and throwbacks to the original (corpse pit, explosions of blood, and primal screaming from the always-excellent Samara Weaving. Watch her in "Mayhem" and "Guns Akimbo"), with the added twist of a fun buddy-cop framing with the ever-excellent Kathryn Newton. By the way: having both her and Kevin Durand (here playing a coke fiend knife-maniac called "Bill Wilkinson", perfection) alongside Weaving means that the lovable folks at Radio Silence are starting to form their own stable of fun fiends, and I am all for it. I just want Dan Stevens in it...
The movie was fun, extremely enjoyable stuff: we get a blind fistfight in a wedding hall to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" ( a highlight of the movie, great stuff which had me howling with laughter), suitably ludicrous bloody gibs, swords and rocket launchers, Nestor Carbonell bumbling around with a sniper rifle, Sarah Michelle Gellar dressed like a member of the landed gentry as she cavorts with an excellent Shawn Hatosy and a handgun on a quadbike, and Elijah Wood weaselling his way through it all. It's great fun, and the stakes keep getting slipperier and slipperier as Wood's unnamed Lawyer rattles off more by-laws, clauses and demonic caveats the families must abide if they are not to explode into ludicrous gibs.
The makers could not have predicted the arrival of the Epstein Files, however.
So this film is a perfectly timed, snarling indictment of the vampiric upper classes: pathetic bickering losers who were born into privilege, revel in sadistic depravity, and would kill entire bloodlines for a grasp as more power, but couldn't be trusted to guide piss up a wall. It's immensely satisfying watching them squirm and die, and there is no more apt visual for the time we live in now than the wealthy scrabbling within a pit of the rotting corpses of their sacrifices for a token of power, whilst the very world they have created burns and dies around them...
It's fantastic fun. Great time.
Oh yeah, David Cronenberg is in this! Hell yes!

"Abigail" - Review

The mysterious "Lambert" (Giancarlo Esposito), assembles a team: focused medic "Joey" (Melissa Barrera), sarcastic driven bespectacled sociopath "Frank" (Dan Stevens), perky young out-of-her-depth hacker "Sammy" (Kathryn Newton), big lovable muscle lug "Peter" (Kevin Durand), quiet sniper "Rickles" (Will Catlett), and shitbag stoner driver "Dean" (Angus Cloud). They have a simple job: kidnap a young girl named Abigail (Alisha Weir), hold her in this house for 24 hours until the ransom is paid by her wealthy father, and disappear into the night, never to see each other again. But this Rat Pack may find that there is a lot more to this girl than meets the eye, and they are in for a long, long night...

An absolute fucking riot and a hell of a good time.
Razor sharply written, and 100% my jam: blending 2 genres together and having so much fun with it. For about 45 minutes I could just happily watch these 6 assholes bounce off of each other in a kidnapper movie, and they are delightfully written: you want Dean dead SO SO MUCH, Peter and Sammy have an adorable double act going on (I love Kathryn Newton and am ELATED that people remember who Kevin Durand is, here relishing the chance to play a guy who's not simply 100% evil or a generic douchebag), Melissa Barrera remains fantastic and Dan Stevens? I am pretty sure he treats all scenery as a sumptuous, spicy buffet to dine upon and it is delicious. I am delighted that Dan Stevens has simply chosen to embrace his career as "B-Movie Legend" starring in weirder, bloodier fare like this and "The Guest" (watch "The Guest", that's a great movie). He steals the show as the sarcastic, sassy, furious, perpetually irritated Frank, surrounded by idiots.
That is, he steals the show until Alisha Weir does her thing.
It's a star-making, wonderful turn from her.
When the blood starts flowing and the carnage is unleashed, as you know it will be, they don't let up: you still root for these characters, and some of them last a LOT longer than you think they will in these sorts of films.
And everytime you think you know where it is going, or that you understand how these kinds of movies operate, it takes a sharp left turn, and remains on the rails.
A rollercoaster I am DEFINITELY going to watch again. A riot, so, so, so fun.

"Lisa Frankenstein" - Review

A few years after surviving an axe murderer who killed her mother, Lisa (Kathryn Newton, on the rise and somebody I am happy to see doing well) has moved to a new town, where she is shy, withdrawn, and awkward. Living with her quiet father (Joe Chrest, from "Stranger Things"), her viciously, emotionally abusive stepmother Janet (Carla Gugino, fuck yeah!) and her popular, bouncy stepsister Taffy (Liza Soberano); she attempts to navigate the perils of highschool, her only friend is a long deceased man (Cole Sprouse) who, after a lightning strike, awakens from his grave...

Scripted by Diablo Cody, firmly trying to recapture the magic of "Jennifer's Body" and the funnier parts (and queer energy) of "Juno", and directed by Zelda Williams in her debut feature, it's an odd duck.
The script tries packing in the sassy, quirky zingers and attempts at queer energy, but almost reverse engineered, and the tone and direction aim for indie quirk, and the two never quite align, despite excellent performances from Newton and Soberano. Williams adds some good touches, like animated sequences and touches and nods to "Bride of Frankenstein" in some surreal dream sequences, and the bright, poppy and colourful design and aesthetic comes together nicely. But the energy is never quite there, and is in direct opposition to the direction: so it never clicks or vibes the way it needs to, and feels like they are on different pages. Cody's writing is Marmite at the best of times, so when it's not as good as it could be here, the weaknesses shine brighter, and when Williams is trying to make something a tad more subversive, in an ironic played straight kind of way, it amplifies that yet again.
Still, the performances are nice, and it's harmlessly charming and quirky enough.
Fun fact: I didn't actually nkow this was set in 1989 until Lisa stated the year: I just thought they were all hipsters.

"Freaky" Review - From the Vaults

 "Freaky"

The Blissfield Butcher is on the loose! When he attacks high school wallflower Millie Kessler (Kathryn Newton) with a magic dagger, she wakes up in his body (Vince Vaughn) and he wakes up in hers! Now she has only 24 hours to convince her friends Joshua and Nyla (Misha Osherovich and Celeste O'Connor) that she is not the wanted-serial killer, find the dagger, swap back and all before getting caught by the police, or before the deranged maniacal butcher can do any more harm to the school or her love interest Booker (Uriah Shelton)!

And all before the Homecoming Dance!

This movie rules.

It's a strangely progressive, very funny film. It's all about otherness, whilst still being a damn fun tongue-in-cheek slasher movie throwback. It's knowing and cuts through the bullshit, but never demeans or belittles its characters, and the performances across the board are sublime. 

Special note will obviously go to Vince Vaughn (who I am glad is doing stranger, odder stuff like this) for his very funny performance as Millie as well as being a genuinely great and kind of scary slasher villain; but Kathryn Newton is the real star here, and Misha Osherovich steals the show as the openly gay, incredibly camp best friend.

In case you didn't know this movie was not heterosexual: Misha Osherovich is fabulous.

I highly recommend this.

Celeste O'Connor. This movie is totally hetero.