"Normal" - Weatherley With You

Ulysses (Bob Odenkirk) is the interim sheriff of tiny, snowy Minnesota town "Normal", after the previous Gunderson died. Holding the place down until the election, Ulysses only expects to be here for a couple of months. But when the bank is robbed during a a snowstorm, Ulysses twigs that there is a lot more going on here than meets the eye...

(London.net)
I was on the fence for the first 30 minutes. The film has a bloody rough start ("Hey, it's me, your husband, Ulysses...") and I was unsure what it was aiming for, and why Ben Wheatley (a rather distinctive director, the voice of such oddball fare as "Down Terrace" wherein a crime family are portrayed as petty, bickering, working class British shitbags in a terraced house; and the absolutely jaw-droppingly ominous and terrifying "Kill List", as well as quirky serial killer romcom "Sightseers"; the elongated gunfight and bloody good time "Free Fire" and psychadeic nutball time "A Field in England") was selected for this rather ordinary (hah) action movie. Sure it had some quirks, like the paint-dripping moose and the mayor (Henry Winkler, rather good in this), but you're waiting for the penny to drop, and the odd one liners and humour feels out of place.
Once the first of several twists at the bank kick in, the film finds its groove, and the script (written by Derek Kolstad) feels less like a knock off of "Nobody" or "John Wick" and more like something Wheatley would have written himself: characters fall down, miss, murder each other with household objects (a yarn shop is particularly fun) and has a sense of bloody mischief to it all. Much like "Nobody 2", it's an outsider's perspective on Americana, the trappings of it all and a pisstake on the classic American action movie: the diner uses an old school record jukebox and is adorned with a comic number of guns; the ice cream parlour has the 50s style hats and chairs; and Fonzie is the Mayor! Only here, Wheatley makes it all come together in service of an out and out ridiculous comedy, after a particularly funny bloody death at the bank. By the time of its excellent finale (a massacre set to "When You're in Love with a Beautiful Woman", a choice so bizarre that it has to have been a send-up of the newer trend of pop-music massacres, and it being Dr Hook makes it tailor made for my tastes), caused by a piece of comedic slapstick genius, I was absolutely engaged, and it had surpassed its ludicrous nonsense story of Yakuza money laundering in the Mid-West to become a fun litte afternoon movie, a continuation of Odenkirk's little action movie crusade, and had risen above some of the clunkier dialogue on display. Plus, great to see some non-binary representation in the form of Jess McLeod's deputy.

"Hokum" - Parks and Recreational Drugs

Upon a visit to Ireland to scatter the ashes of his parents, grouchy and curmudgeonly prick of an author Ohm Bauman (Adam Scott) finds himself stuck within the walls of the quaint countryside hotel with his own dark past, and that of the hotel. Is it magic, or much more mundane?

(Photo credit: IMDB)
Somewhat wonderfully, the trailers are far different to the actual experience here, and not in a disappointing "Dead Man Down" kind of way. Man when was the last time you heard "Dead Man Down" in a sentence? Anyway, the film is less "Longlegs" or ghost story, and more an unpredictable kind of folk horror and character piece, sharply written as it focuses on the backstory of Ohm (played wonderfully by Scott: channelling Ben Wyatt if he had been through a miserable divorce and lost custody of his children), giving compelling reasons for him being at the hotel (complete with a few neat, unavoidable nods to "The Shining" along the way) and having him honestly make all of the best decisions he can when it all starts going wrong... It feels as if it lacks confidence in its scares early on, relying on jump-chord violen cliches rather than letting the otherwise excellent scares (figures in the background, a rightfully terrifying bunny man who'd be all over the marketing in a lesser film, wisely used sparingly) but once it settles into its groove and has trust in both itself and the audience it soars. It's more spooky and interesting than out and out terrifying like "Undertone" was (still the benchmark for horror this year) aside from an absolutely brilliant, fucking nightmarish lift sequence and aforementioned videotape, but I was gripped by the film even before that so it was clearly doing something right. Tight, sharply written, clever and concise, it ends nicely too.
Great time.

"The Drama" - Review

Charlie (Robert Pattinson) is about to get married to Emma (Zendaya). After a few too many wines, they play a game with the absolute worst possible person in the universe, future bridesmaid Rachel (Alana Haim) where they and best man Mike (Mamoudou Athie) each state the worst thing they have ever done. Mike starts, Rachel easily has the worst and laughs it off, Charlie plays along, then a nervous Emma reveals hers, and things take a turn...

(Photo Credit: Amazon Prime)
An excruciating little movie about communication and our own moral standards, as well as how we perceive them. I'm not a big "no spoilers" guy, though I shall say the marketing and premise revolve around the initial shock of the secret and how everybody reacts to it. Though, unlike the rather similar and far lower budget "Sleeping Dogs Lie" (where the title kind of gave away the secret...) it's harder to guess this one. The film is an interesting, knotty little drama (hah!) from the maker of the rather good "Dream Scenario", where characters raise the interesting idea early on that had the characters not known something, would they find it so heinous? Now that they do know, is it fair for them to react to it? The characters are fun and interesting, and I enjoy following them, as the situation gets complex and awkward and darkly hilarious to watch, whilst never really resorting to characters being mouthpieces: Emma (impeccably played by Zendaya) never actually did the thing she is so pilloried for, merely planned and considered it, so it's easy to sympathise with her, but the genie is out of the bottle now... Meanwhile Charlie (a delightfully droll, very late-stage Hugh Grant Pattinson) is a delight to follow as he gets into his own head, overthinks things, and reads into the little details with self doubt. Rachel, played wonderfully by Alana Haim, is definitely the cat amongst the pigeons here: if there are a million Rachel haters, I am one of them. If there are no Rachel haters, it is because I am dead. She is a fucking nightmare: this situation is all about her, even when other people are affected by it, she was clearly looking for a reason to hate Emma in the first place (though to the film's credit that is maybe something I am reading into, with my hatred of this vile, festering paint-drinking shit head of a human antithesis), her behaviour in her secret is infitely worse and something she laughs at and glosses over, and she's all about weaponinsing empathy and progressive language without practicing a thing about what she preaches.
The movie is funny, and a hard rough watch, and I enjoy the discomforting questions it will raise. Maybe rinse the mouth with "Sleeping Dogs Lie" after this one for a double bill. Poor Misha: she didn't deserve any of this.

"Exit 8" - Dentist, Escher, Judicial Scrivener, Review

On the underground, an indecisive young man (Kazunari Ninomiya) receives a phone call from his ex girlfriend informing him that he is to be a father. As he reels from this information, he finds himself in a corridor which loops. To escape, he must turn back when he finds an anomaly, and proceed when he does not. A surreal odyssey ensues...

(Source: Heaven of Horror)
I didn't even catch a trailer for this, so had the fortune of going in completely blind, being unaware of the videogame it was based upon (I'm still getting through the ".hack" quartet on the Playstation 2). Honestly that's the best way.
Its escalation felt videogame like, in the traditional sense, and helped with the 90 minute runtime, but holy shit we did it guys: We got a fantastic videogame movie which stands on its own, no caveats!
A clever and unpredictable little mindbender, immaculately edited (made to look like it's done in minimal takes. I particularly liked the looping structure coming full circle at the end, as simple as it was, and the cut to our protagonist's ex girlfriend as he sought an exit. Simple but effective) and committed to wrong-footing the audience whilst retaining a consistent logic, showing you all of the clues and letting you capture background details (fabulously shot too) before the protagonist does. As it settles into its time-loop, "Spot the Difference Puzzle" groove, it keeps finding ways to keep it fresh, with a stirling second act twist which had me grinning ear to ear (HAH!) and a wild swing in the third act which just about connected. If it's not quite as out-and-out terifying as "Undertone", it has surreal imagery and bold, creepy little parts to it, whilst being elevated by a genuinely clever, cerebral little tale of fatherhood, guilt, and choosing the right path by paying attention to the world rather than locking oneself in to the prisons of our own design. It's a better "Silent Hill" movie than most movies... A cracking time.

"Lee Cronin's: The Mummy" - The Movie: The Review.

Egyptian based journalist Charlie (Jack Reynor) and his physician wife Larissa (Laia Costa) are bereft when their daughter Katie goes missing one day. Years later, with another daughter, and still reeling, they receive a call from the Egyptian embassy and a detective assigned to their case (May Calamawy) telling them that Katie has been found...

(Credit: New York Times)
I'm ecstatic that Cronin can get his name in the title denoting this as a "Lee Cronin Project", and it certainly feels like that to the greater extent. Namely it splits the difference between his previous two works: the subtle kitchen sink Fae-tale "The Hole in the Ground" (with its uncanny, "the children are awry" focus on maws and bodily parts and eyes and big grand homes) and the balls-to-wall bloodbath "Evil Dead: Rise" (Lily Sullivan even shows up for a bit in a cameo role, probably thankful to be having an easier time of it here), with some spectacular gross imagery and wonderfully visceral gore. My favourite part was a creative, disgusting part with a scorpion in the final act (fuck scorpions, man). It juggles genres, not quite meshing with its detective adventures (honestly a highlight for me), haunted/possessed child narrative and horror of home care (which it could have gotten enormous mileage out of); though the final act comes together in a wonderfully gory, bloody display after a great funeral sequence and some flashes of blood and guts throughout. The old house they're in makes me wonder if Cronin wanted to originally do a period piece... It's a perfectly fun little horror which drags a little, come for the gore and some interesting fun bits, though it's not as mischievous as "Evil Dead: Rise" nor is it as intriguing and sinister as "Hole in the Ground". But on its own merits, it's alright.

"Project Hail Mary" - Lord and Miller of All They Survey

A man (Ryan Gosling) awakens on a spacecraft. The ship's computer (Priya Kansara! Fuck yes! 10/10 for that alone!) informs him that he is the only survivor, and he struggles to remember who he is or how he got here. Our man has a job to do...

(Credit: AZ Family)
A pleasant, perfectly cromulent and cheery little film, which pinballs between ideas with something of a smooth grace (using "Lost" style flashbacks throughout, though these are welcome in the first half they become superfluous and perfunctory in the second, despite good performances and being useful on paper), buouyed by a lovble performance from Gosling. He's certainly a better performer than Matt Damon, even if his character is only marginally more interesting than the bowl of glue that was "The Martian's" Mark Wattney. When the film settles into (spoilers I guess) buddy cop shenanigans, it really finds its groove and is enjoyable, though some of the methodical stuff beforehand, whilst nothing we've not seen before, is competently executed. At its core the movie is about communication through boundaries, co-operation and working together to solve an existential environmental crises across boundary lines (side note: there's a beautiful episode of "Planetes" called "Boundary Lines" which I highly recommend). It really drags and slows in the final act, and the token woman (Milana Vayntrub is dead before the film begins and gets two, maybe three lines. What a waste), the incredibly talented Sandra Huller, (Holy shit is "Zone of Interest" incredible) is given the stereotype of a German ballbuster who does not understand human emotions and is entirely focused on results and science, not these petty human "feelings". It is a jarring experience in the year 2026, though from what I understand the character is given even less in the book, so once again it fall to Drew Goddard to pull somebody's nuts out of the fire. Weir still can't write a character to save his life, but the performances are still good, and it's a light hearted film.

"Undertone" - Right Through the Night...

Evy (Nina Kiri) runs a horror themed podcast as a skeptic where, alongside her London-based believer friend Justin (Adam DiMarco), she receives, debunks and discusses various supernatural phenomena and media. Currently she lives with her dying mother (Michele Duquet) and the timezone difference is compounding her stress, so when Justin forwards her an unusual email loaded with audio files - she leaps at the opportunity to take her mind off of things. Then the night takes a turn...

I have watched a lot of horror films.
I've proselytised their wonders, their power and their effectiveness with a zeal bordering hagiographic.
I've seen the great ("It Follows", "The Thing", "House of the Devil", "The Blair Witch Project") the fairly spooky and good fun ("Insidious", "The Changeling", "Haunting of Hill House"), the bloody ("Rabid", "From Beyond", "Society"), the downright fucking dreadful ("Fear Dot Com", "Cry Wolf", "Imaginary"); horror movies of all stripes, every creed, every colour, every type. I've been in the trenches of dogshit. I've been the proclaimer of greatness, I've been the champion of atmosphere, of unique ideas, of gimmicks and flair; I've been a celebrant of trash, a connoisseur of crap, and that guy who will sit down and mock the dreadful and dissecting the good and the bad. I've had contrary opinions, I've had controversial takes, I've stuck by my guns. I like a good spook, I like a good scare, I meet movies halfway, I'll forgive a lot of junk. I think my credentials are on full display here, I'll chat with anybody about what works, what doesn't, what I enjoy, what I don't, and am generally a jaded, methodical, clinical cynical bastard when it comes to horror fims.
My partner met me 2 minutes after I left the screen.
My hand was shaking.
I needed a drink to calm my nerves.