"If I Had Legs I'd Kick You" - Review of a Waking Nightmare

Therapist Linda (Rose Byrne) is struggling to take her awful daughter (who requires a feeding tube) to hospital appointments whilst her husband is away, whilst a hole opens up in her flat and the landlord cannot be arsed to fix it, and her clients are getting ever needier and clingier...

(Photo Credit: The New Yorker)
Rose Byrne is quite rightly gettign acclaim for this: a white knuckle stress cascade, where the entire world is buffetting you. She's utterly mesmerising in this, and the praise is well earned. I've liked Rose Byrne for a while, and seeing her cut loose? Fantastic. The film itself is also incredibly well-made: tight enclosed corridors, lots of close ups, a wickedly dark sense of humour, never seeing the daughter's face (much like in "Good Boy") because she's not a person: she's a presence, an all consuming void, a FUCKING NIGHTMARE (seriously: Linda is woman worthy of "Mother of the Year" Award for not murdering this wretched goblin) and the choke around her neck she must pretend to be proud of living for with gritted teeth. The countless injustices and minor annoyances and great problems piled upon her like the cloaks of Draco in mythos never feel like a misery porn parade, and more like a stress wildfire burning through the soul: oh COME THE FUCK ON! WHAT NOW?! It's twisting and turning and unpredictable, and Rose Byrne is remarkably good at keeping us on Linda's side throughout, how she doesn't die of stress-induced heart attacks is a miracle. An excellent film about the impossible decks stacked against working mothers in society.
Fun to see Christian Slater (doing a pretty good Albert Brooks impression), A$AP Rocky, Ivy Wolk from "Anora" and, for some bloody reason, Conan O'Brien too!
I want to kill that child with a shoe.
It's the sort of horror which challenges and confronts you: it makes me question my kneejerk decisions and reactions, examine the depths of a soul..
Don't watch "Scream 7".
Watch something which is art for the sake of art.

"Little Amelie or the Character of Rain" - Review

Amelia is born in a vegetative state. As she dreams and wonders, life goes on for her parents and two siblings. One day, aged 3, she awakens.

(Credit: imdb)
Beautifully animated, with parts of Amelie's world looking like crayon drawings done by a child, and with an excellently edited sequence in a kitchen as a parallel to a character's story as she cooks, for example: it's a rather pretty film.
Unfortunately the film succumbs to the worst of its precocious child impulses after straddling two lanes for too long: we open on the child describing herself as God, and how God is a cylinder, then she awakens and is internally furious that her Godlike impulses are not indulged. It's an interesting start to proceedings, and makes one curious about the existentialism which may follow, but then the film settles into a standard coming-of-age story, but with the backdrop of expats in rural Japan. That story doesn't settle or thrive as much as it should, through the eyes of a precocious child, and thus the promised existentialism and longing and loss when people leave their life never soars, and instead comes off as middle class whining. It has a lovely score, and a few nice pieces of symbolism, and the story is clearly personal to the author, but could have been so much more.

"Crime 101" - Review

A jewel thief is committing robberies along the 101 Highway in Los Angeles. Mike (Chris Hemsworth) doesn't use violence, is meticulous, and always hits high value targets. His story collides with the burnt out aging Lou (Mark Ruffalo), a detective unravelling and becoming obsessed with the robberies as his own life falls apart; and that of Sharon (Halle Berry): an insurance broker hitting a brick wall in her life. With another job on the horizon, and a new thief (Barry Keoghan) also on the loose, Mike's perfectly planned little world begins to come apart...

(Credit: Showcase Cinemas)
It's nothing you've not seen before, but the execution is astounding. Director Bart Layton (weirdly NOT adapting Don Westlake, as I thought from the trailer, as it feels very much like an adaptation of "Parker") throws "Thief" (a LOT of that movie), "The Driver", "Drive", "Heat" and any other number of cops and robbers movies into a blender and hits puree. The ingredients are familiar (Ruffalo's detective is a pile of cliches heaped into a suit, Nick Nolte unfortunately shows up to grumble-mumble his way through a scene, Barry Keoghan plays the psychotic young upstart who changes the game), with a brilliantly composed thief unable to make human connections and a cop on the edge whilst "one last job" brews and our thief meets a girl and yadda-yadda... But the result is actually fantastically well shot and put together: lots of parallel edits, Mike shot in boxes and lines to match his possible future in prison and his orderly life, little details to flesh out the characters and their worlds, touches and flourishes, great lighting and use of mood and atmosphere. Despite mentally ticking off a list of things I'd logged and registered, I felt my butthole puckered tight during the finale as it genuinely gripped me and threw a few curveballs in the last act. Keoghan steals the show with a fantastic brazen daylight robbery, a pink motorcycle jacket and a great chase; but Ruffalo and Berry really worked in the leads and elevated their characters, whilst Hemsworth suits this nicely. Jennifer Jason Leigh is utterly wasted in a thankless 2 scene role.
I enjoyed this more than I thought.

"Send Help" - But Not For Me!

Underappreciated, underfucked and underestimated for the last time, meek "Planning and Strategy" lady Linda Liddle (Rachel McAdams) is at the end of her rope when her consultancy firm's new shithead boss Bradley Preston (Dylan O'Brien) passes her over for the promotion promised to her by his father, in favour of one of his dickhead friends in braces. When a flight they are on runs aground, however, and both Linda and Bradley are the only survivors, the tables turn as Linda reveals just how capable she is...

(Photo credit: Bedford Playhouse)
I've missed you Sam Raimi, you son of a bitch.
His first directorial effort since "Dr Strange and the Multiverse of Madness" (which I honestly would not have known was a Raimi movie had you not told me: what was the point in getting him to do it if you were sanding off the edges and having him make placeholder stuff? I know why, "name" and "brand!" fucking Disney), it has the halmarks and tricks I love from him.
We get a focus in the intro on details, closeups of eyes and mouths and noses and bits of food left over; we get an utterly twisted, bloody, wicked sense of humour; Looney Toons violence, that swooping camera shot we know him for, even a Bruce Campbell cameo! All it's missing is Ted Raimi, and is all the lesser for it, though we do get his daughter! Sam's, not Ted's. We're all daughters of Ted.
Rachel McAdams is a fucking delight in this, relishing the material, tearing into the flesh of the character as she evolves and devolves, a true gift for an actor. Dylan O'Brien is a fucking shithead and Pantomime evil in this, and I respect the excellent job he does. I'm not familiar with his work but great job man! Raimi embraces the turns and twists of the script, which would otherwise be a joke in the wrong hands, and goes helter-skelter with it. This is stupendous, bloody fun and I had an excellent time. My cinema was crowded and howling, loving life.
Two guys behind me went "oh FUCK YOU Sam, we should have seen that coming" with glee and affection. He's been missed.
And great use of Blondie, even if it's not "Dreaming".
Rachel McAdams fights a boar, film of the year.

"Iron Lung" - Review

The stars have gone out. As humanity's fleshy remnants corrode, a convict (Mark Fischbach) is sealed into a metal submarine and set forth onto a mysterious world where the oceans are made of blood, in order to find something, anything which could save them...

(Credit: The Equinox)
A passon project written by, starring and directed by Mark Fischbach (a YouTuber known as "Markiplier", whose work I am unfamiliar with) who funded it himself (refreshingly and unusually: there are no production logos at the start, it's straight into the opening credits after the BBFC logo) and insisted on a cinematic release. Good for him, this is a triumph of the underdog and independent art: it's doing well, and is clearly a passion project for him.
As a directorial debut it's overly long, far too bloated, and Fischbah does not have a great grasp of tension, so the pacing is dog rough and leads to boredom rather than any rising dread. I for one was a sucker for the "Poltergeist" TV shot however. Fischbach is a fair actor, far better than expected for a YouTube content monkey, and acquits himself well enough, but is not strong enough for a premise such as this, though he does a solid enough job with a monologue towards the end. The support are fine (you can tell Troy Baker is in this because he advocates yanking a ladder up) with Caroline Rose Kaplan doing rather well, and the low budget is used impeccably: it's the kind of filmmaking I respect right there, well done. Andrew Hulshult's soundtrack is understated and rather good.
The film's cosmic horror and yo-yoing between genres feels less like unpredictability and more throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks. Funnily enough this creates an inverse problem of most modern horror movies in that the build up is tedious and uninspiring, but the ending blows it out of the park with the kind of madness and horror I would expect and need from a project like this. It does some Gibson-esque world building with a couple of its lines (not quite "They set a slamhound on Turner’s trail in New Delhi, slotted it to his pheromones and the color of his hair." or "flew a Gullfire over the fires of Leningrad" but things about the last tree burning for example are good) and uses the cost-saving lower budget aesthetic to build a world where humanity is on its last legs. However it wants to have its cake and eat it too: a casualty of the overlong runtime. It could strip back the dialogue and leave things to stew and dwell, but also does flashbacks and conversations which aren't as fleshed out as they should be, like trying to split the metaphors of a difference engine.
However.
As a debut project it is certainly ambitious, and more interesting to discuss than most. I always appreciate a swing and a miss more than something playing it safe.
There are enough sparks of interesting ideas here (the details of the submarine and processes of his investigation are highlights: they feel like an adventure game, and show a twinkle of craft) that I would like to see Fischbach (who seems like a lovely bloke, and I am ELATED somebody with as large a platform as he seems to have supporting cinema and art) move forward as a filmmaker. Would I buy it on DVD? Probably not. Would I urge you to support this art which seems to be resonating with a huge fanbase (and honestly if it gets them into any sort of smaller budget bottle movie horror and cosmic ideas or hell, gets somebody to watch the very reminiscent "Event Horizon" then fan-fucking-tastic) and is an earnest expression of a person in their form? Absolutely. This is the kind of art we need. I didn't like it, found it quite weak in fact, but holy hell what a swing. Good for you man!

"No Other Choice" - Review

Man-su (Lee Byung-hun, always excellent) is the manager of a paper plant, with a beautiful life, two excellent dogs, a loving wife named Lee Mi-ra (Son Ye-jin), a teenage stepson and a gifted cellist daughter. But when he is given the axe at the plant in a takeover, he struggles to make ends meet and witnesses his life slip away. But Man-su is a provider, and will not be edged out of this industry, and he has an idea: an excellent, if taboo, idea...

(Credit: Neon)
I adored this.
After the resounding misfire/"Tell Me Something" knockoff "Decision to Leave": Park Chan-wook, the master of mischievous mayhem, has come back swinging with a pinpoint-accurate, razor sharp satire on capitalism, the job market and societal expectations of masculinity and the class system of providers. It's tricksy, slippery, immaculately crafted and shot (it feels like a timepiece in the filmmaking mastery on display: with exquisitely framed shots of windows and nature, impeccable editing and split shots with things like fire and phone calls, and a beautiful mirroring at both ends. I was particularly fond of an early shot of the van with "It's What's Inside") and featuring fantastic performances across the board. Byung-hun is always brilliant, here shedding his traditional badass ("A Bittersweet Life" rules) style to wonderful effect: an extremely funny, yet dark and twisted little performance of a man justifying and reflecting and self-actualising all in one go, and Son Ye-jin is magnificent in equal measure: I thought she'd be more of a "Lady Macbeth" type role from the trailer (and Park Chan-wook's prior sense of humour and mischief) but no! She was unusual and enigmatic and had a lot to do, refreshingly so for a woman in a movie.
The film is stunningly well told, and has the funniest murder I have ever seen captured on film, well in recent memory at least. Wonderful stuff and what cinema should be: a singular vision told collaboratively.

"Primate" - It's Pretty Hard Out Here for a Chimp

Lucy (Johnny Sequoyah) returns home to Hawaii, to reconnect with her sister Erin (Gia Hunter), deaf novelist father Adam (Troy Kotsur) and the latter's long-term chimp Ben (Miguel Torres Umba). But as she and her friends relax, unwind and bond, something is wrong with Ben...

(Credit: Vue)
This does exactly what it says on the tin: an excellent time and a real rip-roaring crowd pleaser. A man gets his face torn off in the first 2 minutes, Rob Delaney appears, and the finale is a monkey fistfighting a man. They use the deafness of one of its leads well (it's nice to see), there are some creative kills, great blood effects. Yes, the most charismatic character and actor (Jessica Alexander) gets killed off, and the film is not as clever as some would like, but it does the job well. Killer monkey. Excellent stuff, much my jam.