The Van Dammeathon - "Kickboxer"

A cult classic, arguaby his best known film, and the time people started to celebrate Jean Claude Van Damme as a pop cultural icon and cult movie star in the making: "Kickboxer" is next on our JCVD movie star marathon! I remember having mixed thoughts about this one when I watched it on my second hand videotape years ago in a Swansea squat...
We're off to a good start, as this was another Canon joint! A vehicle for Van Damme as a leading man, with music by Stan Bush, here to capitalise and knock off "The Karate Kid" of all things, let's go!

(Thank you, Amazon)
Concept: Eric "The Eliminator" Sloane (Dennis Alexio) is a world champion boxer, seeking the latest challenge alongside his corner man, hype man, and brother Kurt Sloane (our boy Van Damme), the pair pictured here in the last image before they died in a tragic celluloid grain accident:

But when Eric is crippled in the ring by vicious Thai boxer Tong Po (Michel Qissi), a vengeful Kurt turns to an old Muay Thai master in the jungles, to better learn how to best this incredible foe...
It's every martial arts movie, and you knwo what? That simplicity works for Van Damme. If you're making a vehicle for a guy who kicks stuff: having it be a movie about a guy learning to kick stuff on a quest for vengeance is not a bad start, even if it is just "Bloodsport"... Concept: 4.
Execution!
Aha, but the devil is in the details!
These are the details:

It's a grainy, altogether rather duller affair, unfortunately. If you've seen a parody of a training montage for a sports movie, then you've seen this movie condensed. It's rather jarring getting Van Damme torture followed by an upbeat Stan Bush song.
CINEMATOGRAPHY!

I'll get to the largest tonal whiplash later on in another section.
Execution: 2
VILLAIN!
Here's the fun shit!

Michel Qissi plays Tong Po, the boxer whose job is to snarl, scream, kick stuff and cripple men with moustaches in the ring. As in, he cripples men who have moustaches, not with a moustache. That's the job of Julius Fuchs.
Tong Po does an excellent job in the martial arts and an admirable one in the feral ferocity of the part, the animalisticfury and crude brutality it requires. Unfortunately the makers decided that more than being an arrogant, brother crippling madman that in order for us to know that he was a villain, it was also required that he rape the token woman (and love interest of Van Damme, because of course she is) as well. No I am not going to show stills relating to it.
It's an otherwise really unpleasantly sour taste for what they're trying to go with for the villain, who is otherwise good. This may be controversial for such an iconic part in the Van Damme canon, but:
Villain: 2.
Sorry dude.
Charm!
Okay there is some otherwise goofy stuff we can enjoy, like that patented, non-trademarked Van Damme grin:

And then there is the best-known gif/moment of dancing and mayhem from the movie:

Hell yeah, that's the good shit.
Stan Bush also has a fun soundtrack, not on par with "Transformers" but still cheese-filled good times.
Charm: 3.
Score tally: 11 of 20
Bonus points:
1 for Grin.
1 for Michel Qissi, 1 for David Worth (co-director and cinematographer of "Bloodsport"), 1 for brotherhood (it's the plot) and then 1 for splits.
Final Score: 15.
A poor showing, unfortunately, despite its legendary status and cult following/credentials.

"Runner" - Kangaroo Jack Reacher

Burly large American man Hank Malone (Alan Ritchson) operates as a courier in Australia, getting the job done any way he can (usually by hugging door frames). His latest assignment is a simple one: escort a donor organ to its 7 year old recipient. Accompanying its chatty, gregarious and altogether too-friendly courier Bob Bishop (Owen Wilson), is the least of our stoic wall's problems, however, when armed attackers pull up and attempt to seize the liver for themselves...

(Angel.com)
Perfectly servicable fare for Ritchson, attempting to be "Midnight Run" or "The Rundown": giving the heavy lifting (hah) of the script to a motormouthed and likable enough Wilson, with a little more meat on the bones (hah) for Ritchson than he'd normally get. It's not as good as either of those movies, but trundles along well enough, though its tonal shifts are a tad jarring: in between its rather competent enough script (despite an underwritten twist villain in the final act) and a knock-down drag out Looney Tunes style final which makes the most of Ritchson being Big McLargehuge, there will be attempts at the witty rapport spliced with blood, guts and sudden deaths designed to tug at the hear strings. It feels like a Dolph Lundgren movie cosplaying as a late 2010s Statham movie, but it is solid enough as a rental.

"Leviticus" - Outback Mountain

Naim (Joe Bird) and his mother (Mia Wasikowska, I hate that she's now playing mothers, what IS time?!) move to a small community in Australia to be closer to the latter's church. When he falls for local scallywag Ryan (Stacy Clausen), the two end up at the hands of a local "faith healer" (Nicholas Hope, the titular "Bad Boy Bubby": I have watched way too many movies, and there are maybe about 6 actors in Australia) purged of their sins; only for both to to begin seeing a monstrous, murderous being which takes on the most terrifying form imaginable: each other.

(Credit: The Hollywood Reporter)
Reminiscent of "It Follows" in its wide shots and stylings, with the added touch of run down buildings and urban decay (as civilisation scars the landscape, uncaring of its natural beauty, out of place here and rotting despite its supposed familiarity and normalcy) reminding me of "Snowtown" and "Hounds of Love" in parts; the film has a bleak atmosphere and feels rather good. The two leads are excellent (Bird is on something of a tear between this and "Talk to Me"), and it does a good job conveying the premise and idea of forbidden love and tearing apart people with paranoia and driving a wedge between them. It maybe didn't need the clunky "it wants to drive a wedge between us!" from Clausen, but I'll let it slide as it's a debut. Honestly, after the monster arrives and the horror movie angle kicks in, it's not as good. It's fairly effective still (and Hope is always welcome), and the makers of the film have some fun with the paranoia angle, but the scares never really landed for me. It has neat touches of cinematography (like the brewing, ever evolving industry in the gorgeous background shots) but honestly worked better in execution as an insidious, nasty, skin crawling drama and horror of the kitchen sink variety at the start the Aussies do so well. It's still solid, with great performances and a phenomenally simple idea.

"Coyote VS Acme" - SLAAPstick Suit

Hungry genius Wile E Coyote (himself) suffers yet another catastrophe from the Acme Corporate products in his bid to capture the Road Runner (himself), and has had it. Spotting a billboard for low-stakes, case-settling small fry lawyer Kevin Avery (Will Forte), he launches a lawsuit against the Acme Corporation.

(Screen Rant)
A riotous good time, and a return to old school slapstick. Forte (the physical comedian of Saturday Night Live, and somewhat Marmite to many) does a good enough job here, understanding that he is in a Looney Tunes film and that his ob is to play second fiddle to an excellent Wile Ethelbert Coyote in his amusing shenanigans. John Cena goes suitably cartoony as well, and matches what the movie is going for. It reminds me that I rather enjoy Wile E Coyote shorts, and some of the cameos are excellent deep cuts (it opens on an animated Peter Lorre, Gossamer shows up, and Pepe Le Pew got the biggest laugh in the cinema for his cameo), and the slapstick keeps the laughs coming. It's an endearing, amusing film which becomes a sweet ode to failure and efforts in its final act, and I appreciated the optimistic message. The censorinng of the filthiest Run the Jewels song with Road Runner beeps is a joke so tailor-made for me that the cinema must have thought that I was mentally ill. Another win for art and Ketchup Entertainment (watch "Bushwick"). Fuck David Zaslav. Fuck Warner Brothers.

"I Want Your Sex" - Cowgirl and Aliens

Elliot (Cooper Hoffman) finally manages to land a job, as one of many assistants to the wealthy, successful modern artist Erika Tracey (Olivia Wilde), embarking on an odyssey of self discovery and artistic excess, which spirals into madness.

(Credit: Instagram)
I've always been hit and miss on Gregg Araki ("Mysterious Skin" is bleak stuff and I rather enjoy "Smiley Face" whilst it lasts, but "Doom Generation", "Kaboom" and "Totally Fucked Up" are misfires in my eyes) but for me this is the first of his films which works: a wild, colourful, poppy ride opening on a throwback to "Sunset Boulevard" and rattling on from there with cartoon segues, dream sequences and the satirical backdrop and colours akin to "Velvet Buzzsaw" as backdrops to a rather amusing counter-culture story about relationships, modern art and, yes, sex.
There's a funny threesome moment, and an always Viswanathan-style scene stealing performance from Mason Gooding as a camp sassy colleague of Elliot; and the film manages to wrangle Gregg Araki's eccentricities into a way which works: the pinball plot and free wheeling is in service of a wack-a-doodle energy and screwball comedy; characters do that thing in his movies where they stop and will rant at the audience, but here the rant is a discussion between Wilde and Hoffman about how sexual freedom is actually being reversed, and something I kind of agree with so will allow to slide. Wilde is on an absolute tear in this, and finally has parts worth sinking her teeth into, Hoffman is excellent; and the left-field "zeitgeist" casting choices had me giggling: Charli XCX is XCXcellent as the buttoned up and disinterested girlfriend, Johnny Knoxville plays a detective (I get to say that Charli XCX was in a Johnny Knoxville movie and that makes me so happy) alongside Araki regular Margaret Cho (James Duval also has a funny cameo at the end), whilst Chase Sui Wonders as roommate "Apple" has possibly the funniest aforementioned scene in the film; and the affair on the whole is a rollicking good time. Remember when movies had colour and joi de vivre? When the world needed Gregg Araki the most, he cam back swinging.

"Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma" - Under the Crystal Lake

Queer filmmaker Kris (Hannah Einbinder) is elated to be making a reboot in the "Camp Miasma" slasher franchise, a vastly overexposed slasher series focusing on the murderous "Little Death", in part because it acted as her queer awakening but mostly because she is a huge fan of the films. Her idea is to recruit the reclusive star of the first film, Billy Presley (Gillian Anderson), for a metatextual take. Kris finds herself drawn to the mysterious belle, and a chance to discuss art with her hero, and what it means to her: but Billy has some strange ideas of her own...

(Credit: Volksrant)
I am unfamiliar with Jane Schoenbrun.
They are a name I have heard floated as an auteur in recent years, largely off the back of acclaim for their trans-experience surreal horror movie "I Saw the TV Glow" (which I have not watched, despite an appearance from Fred Durst), but their 3rd film was off to an incredibly strong start for me. It opens on an extremely funny, glowing bloody murder from one of the "Camp Miasma" movies within a movie, before transitioning (hah) to a spectacularly cosy sequence of opening credits telling the history of the franchise in videotapes, merchandise and newspaper reviews very much in the vein of "Friday the 13th". From there it's odd, languid, mad, weirdly restrained, genre hopping, frustrating, a love story, an ode to horror, too smug for its own good, an anthem to art we love despite its problems, a discussion of art, a kind of preachy and extremely Marmite rant about seeing the forest for the trees in art, colourful, a showcase for the fucking treasure that is Gillian Anderson, a celebration of queer artists, an adoration of the slasher, a scattershot outpouring of colour, simultaneously very fun and not as fun as it should be, more of comedy than a horror, an allegory for sex in the right body after transitioning, odd, quirky, strange, bamboozling, inscrutable, surreal, and tailor made for a specific audience.
Much like "Mulholland Drive" or "Annette" or "Mortal Kombat 2": whatever my thoughts are on this piece of art do not matter, because there is not another piece of art like it.
It's an odd, strange duck I both liked and was thrown by. It's not for me in many angles, but things in it truly clicked. Parts felt smug or clunky, others hilarious and insightful.
It's a piece of art wherein the maker has a clear idea of what they want to do, and have painted the tapestry of this moment in time with their soul, their yearning, their ideas and their beauty, fuck what you think.
I am familiar with Jane Schoenbrun.

"Ice Cream Man" - Melting in the Mid Day Sun

When he came about in the 2000s with his first film, "Cabin Fever", I remember Eli Roth being praised and held aloft as a new voice in cinema, a horror auteur bringing back old school gore flicks. I never was on board with him as a filmmaker: I found his style lacking, his scripting and character work atrocious and his obnoxious style (while distinct, and a misremembered throwback to slashers of old) grating; but in him I saw a pretty fun guy who loved film: he'd worked as a production assistant and lower rungs of the industry, he talked about the older weirder outsider gore flicks, and perhaps most importantly he used his newfound "Hostel" and "Cabin Fever" fame to push other filmmakers and projects. The excellent Soska Sisters got their debut movie ("Dead Hooker in a Trunk") pushed into the mainstream in part by endorsements and efforts of him and Robert Rodriguez; which I am forever thankful for. He produced "Clown" and "The Last Exorcism" (both great fun), and excellent "The Sacrament". Hell, his new production label "The Horror Section" has given niche stuff like Joe Begos' new movie "Jimmy and Stiggs" and found footage movie "Dream Eater" any kind of production and idstribution they would not otherwise have had (despite Begos being a fun, interesting little filmmaker.), particularly in a world where opportunities and horror and art are diminishing in the face of ghoulish, bloated coprorate death spirals.
He seemed to be a voice in horror, an interesting thing to have even if his movies by and large were dreadful: there was a market for him. "Cabin Fever" and "Hostel" may not have been great, but they were new movies scratching the itch the gorehounds had been missing in the mainstream. "Thanksgiving" was a neat little slasher movie which used his obnoxious, odious character writing to actually quite witty effect in a straightforward slasher movie, which managed to take some stabs at consumerism.
He misstepped with "The Green Inferno", a rather slapdash attempt to bring back cannibal movies; and "Knock Knock" was an utterly dreadful remake of an utterly dreadful 70s hippie invasion sex film. But still, he's been trudging along, and maybe it was time for him to come back?

With "The Ice Cream Man", Eli Roth has another swing at what he loves: gore and gore.
The hallmarks are there: we focus on an obnoxious bunch of children in an obnoxiously small town, who happen upon a mute, pencil-moustached smiling Ice Cream Man (Ari Millen, rather good to be fair, largely due to having no dialogue and putting on a mute, "Terrifier" esque performance) whose deadly treats turn the children into homocidal maniacs...
We get blood! We get decapitations! We get silly kills!
We get bored.
Roth has one trick, and has refused to move on from the past. Whilst this is admirable with Judas Priest or "John Wick" movies; it flounders here, lost in the hope of scandal and the aspirations of shock value. When there are more interesting horror films with shocking moments sure to wag tongues and spark discussion ("Titane", "Talk to Me", "Bring Her Back", "Obsession", "Barbarian", "Cuckoo", "Weapons", "The Substance" all come to mind) in the last few years alone, even the more "traditional" horror, slasher, comedy or bloodbath fare released as of late has used gore and a welcome renaissance of bloodbaths to be entertaining, even when aiming for the splash zone of the cheap seats ("Terrifier", its sequels, "The Monkey", "Primate", "Dangerous Animals", "Clown in a Cornfield", "Ready or Not" and its sequel, the last two "Evil Dead" entries, even the excellent remake of "The Toxic Avenger" and the Radio Silence "Scream" movies, a series I am not fond of) do so wth flair, style, panache and a gleeful sense of filmmaking prowess. Gore has crept back into mainstream fare after bloated, ghoulish studios were reticent to allow any of it, with things such as "Deadpool", even when it seems out of place and empty, aping the gory efforts of better movies in the mistaken belief that gore is what made them good ("Death of a Unicorn", "Infinity Pool", "Lee Cronin's: The Mummy" and "Love Hurts" spring to mind), so maybe we can thank he and "The Splat Pack" for opening the doors there and bringing it back to the mainstream? Even there, however, his contemporaries of that pun have evolved, moved on: Alexandre Aja took weirder swings at higher concept movies like "Crawl" (a solid creature feature) and "Oxygen"; Neil Marshall got butt-fucked by producers on his "Hellboy" remake and went back to making claustrophobic, grimy B-movies he was known for previously (I think he was unfairly pushed into that pack); James Wan brought his adoration of Hammer Horror into the "Insidious" and "Conjuring" movies before shifting to a producer role with Atomic Monster, a billion dollar franchise camp fest in "Aquaman" and what SHOULD have been a multi-billion dollar underrated masterpiece of insanity in "Malignant"; Darren Lynn Bousman finally settled down after the "Saw" movies with the knowledge that people other than he had made a good one in "Saw X", and seems happy to do his own thing. Hell, Ti West who took over the reigns of his series with the far superior "Cabin Fever 2" has been a reliable, exceedingly interesting filmmaker and indie horror darling of that period intersecting with people like AJ Bowen, Adam Wingard, Joe Swanberg and Simon Barrett ("Azrael" is good) in the horror scene, supporting each other.
Roth plays his opening salvo of child bloodbaths too early. After that he flounders. this may have worked as a short, or a Grindhouse style trailer. He has little to add to the table, he's a man running out of rope and of time. He had gore, and gore was accepted, nothing interesting good be bred from this premise.
He used to support filmmakers and artists, and part of the thrill and point of a lower budget gore piece with a twisted sense of humour is to get creative, work around limitations and keep your film fun and interesting to a more forgiving crowd:
So he decide to use generative A.I, sorry, plagiarism software instead.

It's a stumbling, empty, weak and limp attempt to recapture a glory day which was never that glorious to begin with.
Eli Roth has lost that touch he had, because the world it seemed so magical to has moved on, it's progressed to better art and a more open idea of what horror can and should be. It's starting to come around to the thinking of his contemporaries and his defenders.
It's a shame he never moved with it.

He chose to stop making art, with his A.I apologism, but even without that (and it CANNOT be ignored): it's weak.
The world left him behind, and it doesn't need him anymore.
I don't hate Roth, I don't even find the energy to be disappointed in this tragedy.
I hope he makes art again.

"Nimrods" - 21st Century Road Trip

Analog Dogs are a fledgling band in Kansas City. After one too many pranks upon his brother, lead singer and guitarist Tommy (Mason Thames) becomes the victim of one when he is informed that Analog Dogs are to open for Green Day in Los Angeles at New Year's Eve! Excited, hungry and eager to capitalise on his big break, Tommy steals his brother's taxi and embarks on a mad dash road trip to get there, accompanied by idiot guitarist Fred (Kylr Coffman) and nervous, buttoned up work-in-progress punk drummer Chad (Ryan Foust) to get there!

(Credit: The Hollywood Reporter)
A delightfully old school punk road trip movie and celebration of the poor, dirty heartlands of America. I know Green Day in passing, it's my partner who's the big fan, but the film worked for both of us (they pointed out little Easter Eggs like the name of the taxi company). Very similar to "Detroit Rock City" (only funny), it has the hallmarks you'd want and expect from a road trip movie (weirdo locals like a creepy motel owner played by Fred Armisen and an amusing drunk mechanic played by Sean Gunn; an incredibly funny drug trip, bust-ups and meet ups) and is generally an amusing, light hearted and old-school fare. It manages to make some excellent, wry little examinations of current day America: with its shots of abandoned industry now home to a spontaneous punk festival; the gang stopping at snowy, slush-ground diners rather than sunny, brightly lit cities; and an affection for dive bars and the regular folks in America. It's a sweetly clever, punk celebration of life on the road, being broke, having friends and living for a moment: because moments are all we have.
It's deliciously, refreshingly old school and funny to boot, it goes without saying that the soundtrack's pretty good too (excellent use of "Wake Me Up When September Ends"). Kudos, Green Day! Kudos!
Stars of the show are Kylr Coffman as the dim but lovable green haired layabout, and the buttoned-up Ryan Foust as the drummer.
Favourite gag was the long, background taxi passenger.

"The End of Oak Street" - Just Above the Silver Lake

The year is 1982, and the Platt family are starting to come apart at the seams: father Greg (Ewan McGregor) is struggling with two jobs, mother Denise (Anne Hathaway) is pouring her desire to leave into a secret novel in the cellar, son Brian (Christian Convery) has a crush on a local girl and a vindictive pair of local school kids to deal with, and daughter Audrey (Maisy Stella) is attempting to study to get into a science-focused university. Things take a darker turn when their neighbourhood is transported somewhere...

(Photo credit: IMDB)
A bizarre left hook from David Robert Mitchell, director of the best horror film of the last 30 years in "It Follows", into odd family fare, splitting the difference between his unusual, stranger and ethereal past works and a more 12A Spielberg film for unusual results.
When it's following Ewan McGregor fighting a T-Rex with a sledgehammer, and embracing the daftness of its premise? Great fun.
When it's attempting to be discrete with its dinosaur murders and being a family running from dinosaurs in suburbia, taking itself seriously, it's less fun, like a lesser tier "Twilight Zone" episode.
It's a bizarre change of pace for David Robert Mitchell, and had I not known that it was him who made this I would have struggled to figure it out, save for a pretty impressive long take shot of a T-Rex chasing Hathaway and McGregor through a street.
An odd duck, aimed kind of towards younger and family fare (lovable kids on dino adventures to rescue their dog) but focusing too much on cat murder and discrete blood and guts to quite fully land.
Maybe give it a rental?

Alice Goes to Sunday Lunch

A widowed French girl named Alice (Souheila Yacoub) overcomes her anxieties and reservations to have lunch with her dearly departed partner's ragtag family, to learn, live, laugh, and love again.

(Credit: Mastermind)
Not quite as tight as "Evil Dead Rise", due in part to a rather stop-start first 20-30 minutes (despite a rather fun boiling lake sequence) which deny the film the momentum it needs. The French turn at the helm of the series, however, begins to show a lot of premise with its uncomfortable family dynamic (though perhaps could have been stronger had it not shown the reality of the marriage at the start, and let it bubble as uncomfortable subtext and implication... though who am I to expect subtlty and build up in an "Evil Dead" movie?) and, as always, an excellent performance from Tandi Wright as the proud mother. When it hits its stride and the blood, guts and violence kick in: it's supremely fun. Again, not quite as white-knuckle bonkers as Aunt Beth's Babysitting Adventure, but it has an excellent top-down brawl, a fantastic bathroom sequence and (in keeping with my need for/cynical doubt that they can shock me or make me wince at this point) a part with a pen. It falters with its focus on lore from "Ash's Cabin Vacation" and a focus on Hunter Doohan's brother character, to the extent that you think that he's going to be the lead and they're doing a bait-and-switch; but it finds its feet once again in the last half, goes full throttle and gives you what you want from an "Evil Dead" movie: blood, guts, mayhem and carnage with a goofy sense of humour.
It's not as good as "Aunt Beth's Babysitting Adventure", but a solid and fun enough time. A good Evil Dead movie, not quite a great one.

"Backrooms" - Part and Parsons

Divorced architect Clark (Chiwetel Ejiofor) can feel his life falling apart and slipping away, and is attending therapy with Dr Mary Kline (Renate Reinsve) to find some way to resolve this. When he finds a strange portal to an impossible world in the cellar of his shop, he finds a solution...

(Veronica Superguide)
An audaciously surreal character piece, and a bold debut which does not outstay its welcome. A reflection on trauma, crumbling psyches, the impermanence of place which uses its 90s aesthetic nicely: both as a meta-take on our misremembered idea of that decade, and to make for an unsettling, uncanny time period to play around in. The performances are uniformly excellent: Ejiofor is forever on fine form, and Reinseve continues her hot streak. I was surprised that a first time director (even with cameos from common indie/small-budget winner and reliable legend Mark Duplass) managed to nab such esteemed talents for what was essentially marketed as a spooky internet meme made into a horror film, but the script is actually sterling stuff: well thought out, coming full circle with its setting and use of stone-tape theory to create themes of decaying mental states and how we approach rebuilding ourselves after trauma and misery, with excellent recurring imagery and parallels with architecture and furnishings. It's clever.
It's the sort of script the two can devour as actors (there is a dinner scene which fucking rules) and it's a credit to the filmakers that I was perfectly content following the life of Clark in the 90s as it fell apart and he tried to sell furniture with his two disinterested employees. When the scares came, they were built to well, and sequences with a Christmas tree and a pirate (as surreal as they are) were spooky highlights. I loved the deaths, and its atmosphere was well-constructed, spooky, engaging, involving and never outstayed its welcome. It's an assured debut and the sort of thing not only worth the hype, but which we need more of in the ecosystem.

"The Invite" - Living on a Reza's Edge

Angela (Olivia Wilde) and music teacher husband Joe (Seth Rogen) have the house to themselves, so Amanda has (to his chagrin) invited their noisy neighbours Hawk (Edward Norton) and Pina (Penelope Cruz) for a dinner party, something she has never done before.

(Slant Magazine)
A return to form for Olivia Wilde, getting her and her co-stars' teeth stuck into some truly juicy scripting and dialogue (by Rashida Jones and Will McCormack of all people!) reminiscent of "God of Carnage" by Yasmina Reza (there's a funny little nod to "Art" with Olivia Wilde and Edward Norton discussing identical shades of paint on a bedroom wall) tackling relationships and manners in a witty, extremely funny 4-hander. It has its stumbles (the soundtrack bumbles in at clunky moments) but the acting and writing are top notch, and Olivia Wilde directs it so as to not simply feel like a televised play adaptation (I rather liked the 70s style opening credits), and keeps a tight reign on things so it doesn't feel like farce. It's a far better examination of marriage and awkward character drama than that last fucking awful Bradley Cooper project.
A good, funny, clever time, and Rogen in particularly has never been better.

"Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie" - The Review

Struggling nerd band-duo "Nirvanna the Band" dream of playing at The Rivoli Theatre in Toronto. Matt Johnson conjures yet another crazy scheme to advertise their as-yet unbooked gig, and when it goes south yet again his buddy Jay McCarrol becomes further disillusioned with this seemingly futile enterprise. With the band at breaking point, another scheme is hatched by the hare-brained Matt, but this one goes horribly right, putting the band onto two very different paths...

(Credit: Instagram)
I was not familiar with the show, I went into this blind off the title alone, and am elated that I did:
A post-modern, punk piece of filmmaking ingeniously blending mockumentary, 2008 footage, internet show, riff track and comedy into an audacious puree of love, friendship and revellry for adventure and the best parts of the early internet anarchy. A mad, wild, very funny ride and the creative antidote to the ailments of cinema.

"Effi o Blaenau" - Wales Watching

Effi (Leisa Gwenllian) spends her days getting shitfaced, and her nights clubbing while shitfaced, in the quiet poor Welsh town of Blaenau. A chance encounter with a quiet, handsome stranger at one such club (Tom Rhys Harries) upends her life and offers her hope...

(Film Hub Wales)
An excellent, intimately observed portrait of poverty, hope and bleakness in North Wales, an old school 70s kitchen sink drama with an absolutely fucking phenomenal lead performance from Leisa Gwenllian. It's human, dark, hopeful, and more in equal measure, but maybe not the cheeriest of films despite the uplifting, glimmer of hope and rebirth it ends on. Be warned.

"Jackass: Best and Last" - Pontius of No Return

A ragtag bunch of aging misfits, now accompanied by new friends and allies of their last adventure, embark on one final quest: one trip to round off their illustrious, respectable careers in debauched lunacy, one last ride onto the hysterical hellish highway of hijinks, looking back at just how far they haven't come...

(Credit: Entertainment Weekly)
As a send-off and epilogue to the elaborate, disgusting and gloriously unhinged war of escalating frat-house hazing rituals and painful shocks to the genitals: the movie does a fairly good job. It has a lot of affection for these lovable goofball idiots, and acts essentially as a clip show and look back at their best stunts, with a couple of new ones thrown in for good measure. I could have done with more of the new stuff, and some more screen time for the newer members (Poopies and Rachel Wolfson are absolute treasures, and apparently a wet-suit stunt involving the two of them was cut, I'm fuming), but what's here is funny, and I got a little glee from hearing Johnny Knoxville and Chris Pontius and Steve-O reminisce on the old times and how they'd be having to hang up their hats this time around, I'll miss this sort of lunacy. They've grown older with their audience, and as gross and disgusting and purile as their actions are, it's ultimately not done in any mean-spirited nastiness, and there is a primal glory to seeing this happen: I cannot pretend that I was too good to laugh at grown men drinking enema-inducing laxatives and proceeding to play Twister. As I said: I wish there was more of the newbies and new skits (though the "Escape Room from Hell" and the side-splitting "Marionette Theatre" capture the series' spirit wonderfully, and had me crying) or that we had a more pensive, soulful reflection like in part 4, or even that Rachel Wolfosn and Poopies and Zack-Ass got more stuff to do; I understand that this was a send off to the gang, and it works. I'm happy for them, we even get unused footage of Bam Margera, and Johnny Knoxville's first stunt which landed him the "Jackass" gig. It comes full circle with a bigger, louder re-enactment of the famous shopping trolley sequence of the first film, and has a sense of finality to it. I'm happy for the gang.
I'm not a big "clip show" guy, but still laughed, it's fun.
The opening sequence, wherein everybody bedecked in white suits enacts a violent prank-fuelled rendition of the "Virtual Insanity" music video done to "Holding Out for a Hero" by Bonie Tyler (a sentence I had to type: I'm so happy she's out of her coma, good job Queen!) is, free of hyperbole, actually inspired creative genius. It's my favourite intro for these movies, and favourite opening credits I've seen in a long, long, long time. The movie never matches that impeccable standard set by that (and I get to hear Johnny Knoxville say that line one... last... time...)
Here's to you, gang.

"Supergirl" - Helen Sleater-Kinney

Lost, adrift and orphaned Kryptonian Kara Zor-El (Milly Alcock) is celebrating her birthday away from her adopted planet of Earth by having a week of getting shitfaced on a planet with a red sun: the only place where alcohol will affect her. But her carefree, avoidance-based life with her lovable dog Krypto is interrupted when she is forced to embark on a quest for vengeance with recently orphaned girl Ruthye (Eve Ridley) against the space trafficker, bandit and all-round shit Krem of the Yellow Hills (Matthias Schoenaerts), who made our orphan what she is, and poisoned Krypto in the process...

(Credit: Kino Check)
The script is ropey, and definitely could have used some work, with the movie feeling a tad flabby as well as undercooked, like a half-stretched spaghetti. But the building blocks are there, and the central performance of Alcock as the jaded, cynical, absolute disaster of a lead with a heart of gold is a winning one, and the film breezes along nicely enough under Gillespie's direction: he's a director I like ("I, Tonya" rules), and the tone mostly works. Its framework is a solid one, and I enjoyed the setting (particularly the cute space bus and grimy, dingy diners, it was fun) and the buddy-cop set up is simple and clear enough to not only follow, but sets it apart from "Superman" (though the excellent Corenswet shows up to remind us that he too is perfect in this part). The villain is dog rough: functional for the plot, but otherwise an empty vessel and bland charicature despite much sneering and snarling from Schoenaerts, who gives him the quirk of constantly snacking to try and make him pop. The themes could use some development and focus.
However, the whole thing is amiable and good fun, and there is a wonderful use of Jimmy Eat World in a fight towards the end (tailor made for me: I adore that song), with an also excellent, soulful, actually pretty powerful performance from David Krumholtz: though I am getting old enough to see the kid from "Numb3rs" and "Addams Family Values" playing dads now, and that scares me...
It's fun, breezy, and a good time. I refuse to engage in bad faith "takedowns" of the film, it's a solid enough work with its own problems, and that I have to clarify that is a sign of how disgusting the poisoned well of discourse has become.
I look forward to more Milly Alcock, she's excellent.

The Van Dammeathon - "Cyborg"

I've delayed this one partially because of work and partially because my thoughts on it are going to be extremely telling not only of my taste, but of how the rest of this is going to go. That, and the stream I initially found of this wouldn't allow screen-capture (oh the joys of modern watching...), and surprisingly I do not own this, but did own "Black Eagle" at one point. Go figure.

(Credit: City on Fire. Man, posters used to be FUCKING AWESOME)
A post-apocalypse knock off in the same vein as "Salute of the Jugger", "1990: The Bronx Warriors", "Yor: Hunter from the Future" (hey Spoony fans), "The New Barbarians" and "Hell Comes to Frog Town", we know we're in for a good time right off the bat because it's from our old friends

CANNON, baby!
Clearly wanting some of that sweet, sweet "Mad Max: The Road Warrior" and "Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome" runoff money, they decided to have "Mad Max" at home, the Cannon way! I am so excited for more Cannon!
Let's get to it!
Concept:
It is "The Future"

And with a virus known as "the living death" running rampant, things are pretty bad. A scientist named Pearl Prophet has not only cybernetic implants (making her some sort of... "cyborg" if you will) but also a cure, and is on the run with it. To help her not die at the hands of these charming fellows representing me and the boys on the way to watch this:

Pearl hires a "slinger" named Gibson Rickenbacker (played by our man) to protect her across the wastelands. Gibson is reluctant, despite initially saing her life, but soon comes to realise that her quest may line up with his own hunt for revenge...
Concept:
Jean Claude Van Damme protecting a cybernetic lady and a magic virus vaccine across a post-apocalyptic wasteland?

I like it. I mean, it's the sort of movie idea I would have come up with at the ages of 13 and 47, but I like it. It's the perfect vehicle for the man, his talents, some bloodshed and some lunacy, expect kicks, cheese, Canon madness and blood galore. Plus it's a man named after a guitar fighting cyborgs after the apocalypse, that's just awesome.
Concept: 4.
Excellent work so far!
Onto the next part:
Execution:

I'm only partially joking.
The movie wishes to be a "Mad Max" knock off from Canon, and essentially boils down to a vengeance-fulled Van Damme (whose family were slain by the villain, whom I shall get to) pursuing some coslpayers across the wastelands accompanied by an equally vengeful bandit girl orphan:

In practice it's a series of brawls in old, run down buildings, which is a fine way to hide the low budget, but the true crime is the mean-spiritedness of it all. It wants to be about cyborgs and high-kicking mercenaries taking on bandits and having fun, but it also wants to show brutal murders and the barbarous senseless cruelty of a species circling the drain. So there's going to be bloody, unpleasant senseless murder of families, with an admittedly quite good shot of a burning centrepiece in parallel:

Followed ever so shortly by fight scenes with dummies like this:

And fights like this:

Then, spoiler, alert, the cheap nature of it all really showcases the meanspirited nature of the kills and the deaths at the end when his fellow traveller goes to get revenge on the man who killed her family only to die.
It's lower budget, but did give us this gloriously horrifying prosthetic which resembles me whenever I look up Libertarians:

On the whole it's competent enough, but never quite rises above that.
Execution: 2
Now then, Charm!
The lower budget does give us some fun filmmaking mayhem, like the aforementioned sets. We do get this absolutely disgusting haircut:

Followed rather swiftly by this one:

Disgraceful. It's the attempted dark tone which lets it down, because "Gibson Ridenbacker" fighting crime in the Apocalypse is fucking awesome:

Charm: 2.
The Villain!
Vincent Klyn, a profesional surfer apparently, plays Fender Tremolo, and does a servicable enough job roaring and snarling lines about how much he "likes the virus" and "likes the hatred" with a baritone almost parodying Dolph Lundgren.

The real star of note is an early cameo from Ral Moeller as one of the boys.

Villain: 3.
Score standing at 9.
Bonus round!
Future collaborators:
Michel Qissi (from "Bloodsport" and soon to be seen in "Kickboxer" and "A.W.O.L")
So that's 1 point.
Splits!

Final Score: 11.
A mediocre effort Van Damme seemed to not really get behind and regret, but don't worry: soon he'd turn a fucking corner, this was merely a stumble...

"Lesbian Space Princess" - Review

On the planet of Clitopolis, winner of "Most Boring Royal" Princess Saira (Shabana Azeez) is dumped by her bounty hunting, adventuring partner Kiki (Bernie Van Tiel) of two weeks. Despondent, miserable and once again alone: she receives a message from a trio of aliens who have kidnapped Kiki. Unless she brings them a valuable weapon within 24 hours, Kiki will be dumped into acid! Forced into action, and seeing a chance to win her back, the sheltered, self-conscious and anxiety ridden princess must take a ship (Richard Roxburgh) on a quest to find and rescue Kiki, and maybe learn a little about herself in the proces...

(Credit: QNews)

An unashamed celebration of queerness and identity, feeling like a lost 2000s Adult Swim cartoon. The humour is tailor made for me, with rat-a-tat jokes at an excellent pace from all corners of humour: visual gags, puns, background gags, one-liners, insults and screaming incandescent rage about "lesbian phones"; its madness and irreverence are front and centre, and hark back to that "era" of mad fun cartoons and whimsy. Some of the jokes are low hanging fruit (the villains are "Straight White Maleians", bisexuals "don't exist" and Clitopia is "hard to find unless you know what you're doing") and some are tailor made for the "online" (I hate that I understood the joke about the name of Roxburgh's ship...) but criticism of those tends to come from bad faith, so I'm happy to ignore that well of poisoned discourse in a world where queerness and anything differing from the norm is seen as an assault on fascists. Its funny, daft, ludicrous, a blissful ninety minutes which also impresses with its refreshingly mature ending: a thoughtful and all too often overlooked examination of relationships and how maybe it's best we don't leap into them just because we've been denied kindness all of our lives, combining it with a funny but real look at mental health and anxiety.
Highlights include Gemma Chu-Tran as a non-binary Goth musician with absolutely no thoughts and an empty head; Richard Roxburgh (because it's an Australian film: he is legally required to turn up) as the foul-mouthed starship behind the times; Auntie Donna as the villainous trio, who got some of the biggest belly laughs from me, a niche gag about drunk girls in toilets and the powerful wisdom they dispense before vanishing into the ether, and the performance of Shabana Azeez as our titular heroine, who handles her growth and insecurities excellently.

"Masters of the Universe" - Skeletorture Porn

Forced to flee his realm of Eternia after an attack by the skeleton wizard Skeletor (Jared Leto), young prince Adam (Nicholas Galitzine) resides on Earth as a human relations manager in an ofice, mourning the loss of his sword and home planet... But when his quest leads him to his sword, he finally sees a chance to bust free of this office job and seek his destiny!

(Credit: Kotaku)
An enormously expensive Amazon-backed romp attempting to emulate the camp of the original TV series (and actually rather fun movie), which largely floats by thanks to a breezy tone, pastel coloured backdrop punctuated by "Flash Gordon" style riffs and music (Brian May chips in, weirdly, which does explain some of the budget) and a fondness for its material which verges on the cloying, but remains relatively ernest despite some digs (there's a fairly niche, funny laughter gag/mockery right towards the end, and the naming of characters like Fisto and Ram Man does earn well earned laughs without getting homophobic, and pays off rather well) at the silliness of the material: hell they even have the titular character dressed from that video (you know the one) in his pink shirt, and play the original song from it. It's charming and perfectly amusing fare, and I giggled a fair bit: the film feels like something made with love and affection for the source material. This is a film made by guys who love "He-Man", damn it! Even the cameo early on is from a fantastically game icon, and passing of the torch. It's overly long but for every joke that doesn't land there are at least 3 or 4 which earn a mirthful chuckle, even if they're about memes regarding the show (I rather enjoyed Camila Mendes role as the straight-woman Teela proclaiming that Skeletor "has a skull for a face. It's not that complicated"), and the cartoony buouyancy is in safe hands with Travis Knight of Laika. I'm not sure anybody was rooting for a 40+ years overdue adaptation of "He-Man" (at least, not as many people as the OUTRAGEOUS budget banked on), which cost around 200 "The Raids", but the central performance by Nicholas Galitzine is a legitimately funny joke: a musclebound himbo who wishes to resolve conflicts amicably and with empathic, healing language; only to be granted enormous muscles and galactic power. That central gag is great, in my mind.

"The Last Viking" - Far from the Mads-ening Crowd

After a 15 year prison sentence for a daring bank robbery, supposedly reformed Anker (Nikolaj Lie Kaas) returns home to collect his hidden bounty of stolen kroner. Unfortunately the only person who knows where it now is is his brother Manfred (mads Mikkelsen), already unstable but now diagnosed with disassociative identity disorder and believing that he is John Lennon. The mismatched pair return to their mother's lake house to begin their search, for more than the money.

(Credit: IMDB)
A delightfully twisted, offbeat comedy of manglings, maimings, nail guns and Ikea-obsessed physicians (Lars Brygmann) played with a stony-faced Nordic sensibility (particularly by the excellent, dry and wallpaper Nikolaj Lie Kaas) as its off-kilter premise mashes together buddy-cop road movie, crime thriller (Nicholas Bro plays a thug on the tail, he's good in "Brotherhood", and that I know that is a sign I've watched way too many God-damned movies), heist-movie bust-out from an asylum, and darker angle of a family-reunion in the vein of something like "Festen". It's a wild, weird mash of genres but writer and director Anders Thomas Jensen balances the razor's edge wonderfully, and is actually pretty fucking hilarious to boot. There's a genuinely funny Holocaust joke here.
The movie then becomes a uniquely toxic examination of family breakdown and masculinity, and the dangers of miscommunication, but with the sheer brass fucking balls to then be a somewhat hopeful tale about accomodating and accepting flaws and imperfections rather than forcing others to be the same.
It may drag a bit towards the end with its multiple epilogues, but its outrageous mashup and mish mash is daring, deranged, dark, and uniquely weird. I liked this a lot.

"Madfabulous" - Ar Hyd y Nos and Daughters

In the late 19th centure, Anglesey, in the greenest country on Earth, is about to receive a shock to the system when Henry Cyril Paget (Callum Scott Howells) arrives to take up the resplendent mantle of the 5th Marquess of Angelsey.

(Credit: The Guardian. Also this one is getting extra large photos, because I feel this is going to be in my top five of the year)
A romp and showcase for the talents of an absolutely spellbinding Callum Scott Howells (whom I am sorry to say I was unfamiliar with before this) telling a lesser known piece of outrageous queer Welsh history, featuring fucking legends of the Welsh acting scene (Stephen Speirs as a jeweller who gets one of the best chest-pumping parts towards the end, a delightfully devillish Paul Rhys; reliable Ian Puleston-Davies as an Ian Puleston-Davies character, and a fantastically cunty-shithead Tom Rhys Harries NOT playing a Welshman and it annoys me), as well as English stars allowed to have fun (Kevin Eldon puts on a pretty good Welsh accent actually, playing the local photographer, he's supremely underrated; Rupert Everett gives a beautifully understated performance in the vein of "Remains of the Day"; the excellent Louise Brealey has a vomiting scene which had me giggling; and a weaselly up-and-comer Louis Hynes is fantastic); as it weaves a tale of a non-conforming and all-too-fabulous eccentric wracked with consumption and making it his mission to burn thrice as bright for but a moment. It weaves a sweet tale of his complex relationship with his wife/cousin/best friend Lily (Ruby Stokes, also excellent here) and the knotty things that entails, whilst they make a splash in the community at large and high-society and the community around them. It juggles a lot of plates, and when Lisa Baker's script goes pedestrian in the centre (most crucially around the lowest point of that FUCKING SHITHEAD Nick's big fuck-you moment... though that I hate him so much is a testament to Tom Rhys Harries and Callum Scott Howells) it perhaps doesn't quite soar as it should with Celyn Jones' understated direction and period-piece accuracy; but by the time of the bold and audacious ending heist/bust-out/redemption arc/Ffion the Maid (Greta Jones') finest hour - there is just so much passion and love and joy on screen that it's infectious. The ending credits are Callum Scott Howells dancing to "I Feel Love" by Donna Summer in the mansion in a fuck-you to "Saltburn", and such a pure, joyously wonderful celebration of this film and its history and such a love leter to the character that I got misty eyed leaving the cinema.
Fuck yes.
Fuck fucking yes.
Support Welsh cinema.
Happy fucking pride motherfuckers.
Yeah, it may not land as well as it did for me, but I am ranking this movie on the fact that I felt something, this piece of art spoke to me on a personal level, it made me feel anger, joy, sadness, sorrow, whimsy, delight, an effervescent glee at being oneself and remaining true to it (the best line is "I should be myself, because everybody else is taken!") ESPECIALLY in an era when that sort of thing brings ruin and disgrace to false portraits of baroque "manners" and "society".

"Passenger" - Na-Na-Na-Na Nanana

A young couple (Jacob Scipio, the guy who yelled a "Mean Girls" quote in "Expend4bles", and Lou Llobell) embark on a road trip to begin "the van lifestyle". But before every normal person can kill them for their pretentious hipsterdom, a demonic entity may beat us all to the punch...

I'm going to show my hand here and get this one out of the way so I can get to the film I want to talk about.
All I remember from this bland nothingness of a horror film are the following:
1. The house they move out of looks like Lisa Loeb's in the music video for "Stay"
2. The Sheriff from "Willy's Wonderland" shows up in it.
3. The only scare came from me approaching some noisy teenagers, telling them to be quiet, and one of them jumping at the sight of me.

"Tuner" - Big Fish in a Small Pond

Nik White (Leo Woodall) is a piano tuner, tutored by Hary Horowitz (Dustin Hoffman) in a simple enough life, accomodating his hyperacusis with this job he is good at. When Harry falls ill, however, Nik takes up the offer of a shady security expert Uri (Lior Raz) to take up a new job he is equally talented at: cracking safes.

(Credit: Mama Scrapelle)
By the time the credits rolled on "Tuner", I was basking in the warm afterglow of a satisfyingly well-made pocket watch, piano or concerto (hah), and "Project Hail Mary" was just beginning its plot and giving a woman their first line of dialogue.
Absolutely my shit: an immaculately edited, crafted timepiece of a film where I'm so gripped by just the day-to-day life of this piano tuner (a rather good Leo Woodall, whom I used to get confused with that blob of actors popping up at the same time: Jack O'Connell and Jack Reynor, namely, that "type") and his budding romance with Havana Rose Liu's Ruthie (as it is with "Booksmart": casting anybody from "Bottoms" improves a movie immensely) that it's almost a shame when the safe-cracking and life of crime kick in. But subsequent aforementioned crime shenanigans are more on par with "Emily the Criminal" than "Rififi" (please watch both), and it keeps its momentum going through the edits, jazzy soundtrack (fantastic use of Dave Brubeck and a Herbie Hancock gag which pays off) and great central performances from its lead duo, all the way through to a welcome Jean Reno appearance (for all of 6 minutes, but it's still "Leon" so...) and a full-circle coda to its finale. It really rather enjoyed this.

"Obsession" - Curry Barker's Books of Blood

Music store employee Baron "Bear" Bailey (Michael Johnston) is smitten with his cool, sassy co-worker Nikki Freeman (Inde Navarrette), but she seems to only see him as a friend. Taking a chance, after dropping her home on trivia night, he decides to break a "One Wish Willow" stick: wishing that she would love him more than anyone in the world. Things go swimmingly.

Well worth the hype and praise it is getting, a deliciously twisted and mischievous take on the classic "caveat emptor": with a sick sense of humour and gore effects aplenty (a car scene in particular...). It refreshingly takes the angle of acknowledging the consequences of this wish: Nikki loses her identity, is a prisoner in her own body, the flesh prison of male gratification keeping what he truly longed for locked deep within. It's a horrifying situation, and by a similar metric Johnston keeps Bear likable by realising that this is a horrifying moment, he does not want to take advantage of this person, this is not Nikki, he wants to back out.
The star of the show, in many eyes, is Inde Navarette, but he deserves praise for this too:

(Credit: Bloody Disgusting)
She is phenomenal here, a star making turn all heavy on the eyes and jarring shifts.
Pretend the film is Michael Stuhlbarg and Olivia Rodrigo, and it becomes even funnier.
A riotous turn, and an excellent look at (hah) obsession, free will, consent and relationship dynamics.
Cracking ending

"Mortal Kombat 2" - Despite All My Rage I Am Still Just Johnny in a Cage

The realms must do battle to decide their fates, the first to win ten tournaments gains dominion over the other. The evil "Outworld" under brutish emperor Shao Khan (Martyn Ford) have gained dominion over Edenia, and its princess Kitana (Adeline Rudolph); and now seek to bring Earthrealm under their bloody banner. Lightning God Raiden (Tadanobu Asano) has gathered five champions for the tournament: legendary martial artist Liu Kang (Ludi Lin), super-powered soldier Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee), her cyborg colleague and pal Jax Briggs (Mehcad Brooks) and previous champion and zero-to-hero Cole Young (Lewis Tan), but requires a fifth: the Universe has set its sights on fading 90s karate champion and movie star Johnny Cage (Karl Urban), who is reluctantly roped into a tournament to decide the fate of the entire human race...

(Photo credit: Reddit)
An absolutely wonderful time.
The film is a gleefully daft, enjoyable buffet of bloodshed, bollocks, Baraka and bullshit. It embraces the videogame aesthetic (the costumes, finishing moves, structure, arenas including an honest-to-Gibson acid pit and even a camera shot going side on to display the two fighters squaring off) and the ludicrousness of its premise: glowing lights in the sky denote when a character has been defeated, blue for the good guys and red for the villains. It goes full throttle into the blood, guts and mayhem (how it is not an 18 is unclear, maybe because it lacks titties?), yet in a fun, cartoony way: bright colourful costumes to clearly mark each character apart, each one with a different superpower and enough character and charm to them to bring some colour to proceedings even if the crowded ensemble and focus on the spectacle means that characterisation takes second place. Despite that the film manages to keep them from being bland: Jessica McNamee's Sonya Blade returns and is good fun, with a delightful pit fight against banshee Sindel; Princess Kitana (Adeline Rudolph) is a highlight this time around as arguably the conflicted central character, with a delightful lesbian-subplot with her bodyguard Jade (Tati Gabrielle), without either of them being sexualised (the movie even has the sheer brass fucking balls to pass the Bechdel Test); and her arc competently mirrors the larger than life professional loudmouth shithead Cage (Karl Urban on a continued tear with this, "Dredd", "Thor: Ragnarok" and "Star Trek") discovering his heroism in the final act, with some cool edits. Hell, I felt myself getting hyped up despite the stupidity of it all when Kitana made her big choice in the final act and the music swelled: I had embraced the Mortal Kombat way and was relishing in the filth it had baptised me in. Cage gets a supremely fun buddy cop "Mentor/Mentee" arc with Baraka (CJ Bloomfield) I wanted more of; Hiroyuki Sanada returns and is such a class act that with two minutes of screen time manages to make the line "I am Hanzo Hasashi. Hell bends to my will." land with gravitas; the always excellent Tadanobu Asano comes back, and whilst there is less of he and Chin Han than I would have liked, they were still welcome. Star of the show, once again, however was Josh Lawson as Kano: clearly the writers knew that they had struck gold with him in the last film, and write him back in to bully, snarl, swear and be a raging fucking cockbag who is absolutely the best part whenever he is on screen: bullying the villains, spouting solid gold with every line, and even having the audacity to participate in a truly, deliciously ludicrous hell-heist to turn off Cheat Mode in the 3rd act, cementing redemption and rising to become heroes in a film where Sonya Blade spears a banshee's skull on a floor spike and Liu Kang kills a man with a hat (by the way it's worth it for those two fights alone).
Stellar, stupid stuff. Absolutely wonderful in terms of "bang for your buck".