"Abigail" - Review

The mysterious "Lambert" (Giancarlo Esposito), assembles a team: focused medic "Joey" (Melissa Barrera), sarcastic driven bespectacled sociopath "Frank" (Dan Stevens), perky young out-of-her-depth hacker "Sammy" (Kathryn Newton), big lovable muscle lug "Peter" (Kevin Durand), quiet sniper "Rickles" (Will Catlett), and shitbag stoner driver "Dean" (Angus Cloud). They have a simple job: kidnap a young girl named Abigail (Alisha Weir), hold her in this house for 24 hours until the ransom is paid by her wealthy father, and disappear into the night, never to see each other again. But this Rat Pack may find that there is a lot more to this girl than meets the eye, and they are in for a long, long night...

An absolute fucking riot and a hell of a good time.
Razor sharply written, and 100% my jam: blending 2 genres together and having so much fun with it. For about 45 minutes I could just happily watch these 6 assholes bounce off of each other in a kidnapper movie, and they are delightfully written: you want Dean dead SO SO MUCH, Peter and Sammy have an adorable double act going on (I love Kathryn Newton and am ELATED that people remember who Kevin Durand is, here relishing the chance to play a guy who's not simply 100% evil or a generic douchebag), Melissa Barrera remains fantastic and Dan Stevens? I am pretty sure he treats all scenery as a sumptuous, spicy buffet to dine upon and it is delicious. I am delighted that Dan Stevens has simply chosen to embrace his career as "B-Movie Legend" starring in weirder, bloodier fare like this and "The Guest" (watch "The Guest", that's a great movie). He steals the show as the sarcastic, sassy, furious, perpetually irritated Frank, surrounded by idiots.
That is, he steals the show until Alisha Weir does her thing.
It's a star-making, wonderful turn from her.
When the blood starts flowing and the carnage is unleashed, as you know it will be, they don't let up: you still root for these characters, and some of them last a LOT longer than you think they will in these sorts of films.
And everytime you think you know where it is going, or that you understand how these kinds of movies operate, it takes a sharp left turn, and remains on the rails.
A rollercoaster I am DEFINITELY going to watch again. A riot, so, so, so fun.