"Jumanji: The Next Level" Review - From the Vaults

(Editor's Note: This was done at the time the last "Star Wars" movie came out.) 

So, I watched it. I shall not spoil too much, spoilers are at the end, and marked.

It's been awaited expectantly with baited breath by its fanbase, and is another sequel to a much beloved family classic which has infiltrated popular culture. Is it worth it?

Well, kind of.

The plot is effectively a retread of previous films, with the central cast being allowed to mess around a little bit (two of them really get to bounce off of each other more than usual) though one of my surprise favourites of the last movie, whilst sidelined yet again, really gets to show off his acting chops in a surprise appearance, albeit all too brief.

The breakout stars of last time have a really fun scene towards the end when infiltrating the base of the underwritten villain. But then, villains in these movies have been going downhill for a while now despite the excellent actors playing them.

The action's good, as I expect from the movies at this point, and there is a sense of fun and joy to proceedings yet again. However the two new characters get a disproportionate amount of screen time and have a not very good plotline, their storyline and jokes are very one-note. I did want more of one of the new characters however.

The surprise cameos from previous movies were delightful, one of them my favourite character!

So yeah, "Jumanji: The Next Level" is okay.

SPOILERS

Nick Jonas does a SHIT HOT Colin Hanks impression

"Southland Tales" Review - From the Vaults

 I finally watched "Southland Tales", Richard Kelly's follow up to Donnie Darko.

It stars Dwayne Johnson, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sean William Scott, Sean William Scott, Justin Timberlake and Wallace Shawn, and has earned something of a reputation as a terrible, obtuse movie which proved that Kelly was a one trick pony who extended his reach.

I can confirm that, with zeppelins, Dwayne Johnson having amnesia, Wallace Shawn in a science zeppelin, poet-terrorists, Miranda Richardson heading the NSA whilst dressed as Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games, a sequence where Justin Timberlake dances to the entirety of "All These Things I have Done" by the Killers accompanied by 50's chorus girls and tripping more than Hunter S Thompson and Dr Gonzo at a birthday party, and Christopher Lambert driving an ice cream murder van, it is not a comedy.

It's a pretentious, visually interesting, piece of shit which tries to be "deep" and "poetic" but feels like an arts student incorporating his political thesis into "Brazil", and screaming "fight the power" every five minutes, in between beat poetry and sips of Starbucks.

I also recommend that everybody watch it.

We should make "No Context Southland Tales" a thing

Not for any "message" or perceived "depth" from Kelly, but because of a line.

A single line, in this two and a half hour movie makes the whole experience worth it, by transcending its own awfulness and lack of irony, into something beautiful.

I am not saying what the line is, because even the fact that I am saying that there is a single good line (outside of Sean William Scott's dead serious delivery of "We take the ATM with us to Mexico") lessens its bizarre impact. Needless to say, it immediately changed my opinion of the film, and I now rate it 10/10.

Johnson knew what he was in, and when he saw that line, he took it and ran with it, scoring the ultimate victory over cinema.

"Jungle Cruise" Review - From the Vaults

 "Jungle Cruise"

Dr Lily Houghton (Emily Blunt) is on a quest to obtain the legendary petals of "The Tree of Life", accompanied by her foppish camp brother MacGregor (Jack Whitehall). She enlists the aid of Skipper Frank Wolff (Rock "The Dwayne" Johnson) to take her down river, on his battered old boat. On the way they must deal with phantom Conquistadors (led by Edgar Ramirez) and a German Prince (Jesse Plemons) also after the petals!

Do you like "The Mummy?" Of course you do, it's a masterpiece.

Do you like "Dora and the Lost City of Gold"? Of course you do, it's delightful.

This is a fun, amiable enough, not as good version of those two films. The banter and rapport at the start is fun, there is a a lovely little recurring gag about terrible puns, and they toy with the concept of this being based on a theme park ride quite nicely.

The second half is weaker than the first, being bogged down by too many villains, losing some momentum and spinning its wheels for a bit, but it's still a fun enough little romp. Jesse Plemons is having fun (though I do wish the part was played by Kirsten Dunst) and Paul Giamatti has a small scenery chewing role as an Italian loan shark.

It's a fine enough Saturday afternoon film.