"A Working Man" - Review

Former Royal Marines Commando Levon Cade (Jason Statham) has not only the most Jason Statham name, but the most Jason Statham life: he works as a foreman at a construction site under good, clean, Christian, "pulled up by his bootstraps" Joe Garcia (Michael Pena) and his wife Carla (Noemi Gonzalez), when their spunky, equally Christian daughter Jenny (Arianna Rivas) is kidnapped by people traffickers, to be sold bespoke to a vaguely ethnic sleaze. Cade must call upon his skills to rescue her, coming across Russian mobsters and more, in his quest for vengeance and good old American Christian values!

After "The Beekeeper", which he directed so poe-facedly as to make absolutely hilarious, and amazing nonsensical fun, David Ayer had been on something of a comeback for me (the line on the poster and in the trailers proudly boasting "From the Director of Suicide Squad" is not the flex you think it is, studio), and I adore Statham movies: he's the last of a dying breed in the "Action Movie Star" (well, him and Scott Adkins, who absolutely rules. Watch "Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning!"). I always know what I'm getting, I know what I'm after, and I know how to separate a good Statham from a bad, even his more experimental fare has its charms: I for one enjoy "Wild Card" as the 70s character piece throwback that it is, "Parker" is actually not too bad an adaptation, and I have nothing but praise for "Hummingbird" and the oddball casting of "Homeland".
This is going to be a ranty one, folks.
You don't see the "keep politics out of my films" crowd talking about this one, funny that...
Action movies, if you want to read into them, and especially the type of 70s macho throwbacks Statham does, are inherently right wing in their scope: a sculpted Adonis growling and snarling their way through (often foreign) bad dudes here to do bad things to our chicks and upholding that ideal of American exceptionalism (odder considering Statham is British and the kings of these, Lundgren and Arnie, are the most Swedish and Austrian men alive, but regardless) in a glorious orgy of violence. Look, I'm oversimplifying it, but if you want to look, it's always there. But I never gave a shit, because the movies are fun, or engaging on their own terms, or they are entertaining and it's never really there or prevalent and only there if you are searching for something.
So noticing it here shows how bored I was.
The movie (written by Stallone, apparently, which... huh) has a bizarre Christian overtone to it all (it's been there in Ayer's previous works, usually in the "urban gangstaness" of it all) from the large looming Christ skull bunker owned by the biker gang leader with a right-hand man named "Demon", to the frequent prayers and the weird side track where the kidnappers (honestly the highights of the movie for me performance-wise: Eve Mauro and Emmet J Scanlon, quite fun characters and performances here!) mock and sneer as their kidnap prays in the car, loudly proudly proclaiming that there is no God.

It's supremely jarring in the greater scheme of things. We have the rather... poorly done trafficking angle to contend with too, oh boy...
So, people traffickers do not spy on, kidnap and pilfer attractive Middle Class good American girls for bespoke buyers in the city, they do it in bulk with poorer migrants, simply lying about jobs in new countries. I know it's a minor thing, seemingly, and nit-picking to gripe with it, but Ayer tries to ground the affair with that usual "gritty flair" which served him (well?) in "The Beekeeper" and was in his other works, rather than leaning into the silliness of the plot as it goes on (Statham ends up doing battle with gold-decked Russian mobsters and charging a barn of sex criminals in the Bayou) so it all feels mean-spirited. Where it could be having fun with it or going for those old-school thrills of a one-man army going for gold, it instead tries to be a gritty gangster thriller with serpentine plots and betrayals and Byzantine double crosses as villains turn on each other, work for other villains and have their own ideas and schemes. It doesn't add depth, because there is none as they are still merely "wacky cartoon villains" who eat babies and enjoy sexual assault. So it just becomes flat and boring.

I'd be fine if there was a sense of effervesence or energy to the fights, but they are few and far between. So okay, maybe it's being a fun detective thriller in the interim? Also no. This convoluted plot continues to go nowhere in two places: a pair of bent cops arrive (not to be confused with the one good cop whom Statham calls for one scene and advice) and help in a kidnapping, ooh boy! Villains and a new threat for us! Only Statham never meets them and they get killed off by a crazy Russian who brings a gold plated tripod machine gun to nightclubs: for you see, killing police? That is a bad thing, even if they are bent (but one feels bad about it, so you know: all good) and thus out "morally grimy world" can't have its waterboarding hero murder police! Because that would be bad!
Oh yeah, the waterboarding.

Between this and "Expendables" (and one of the "Rambo" movies if I remember correctly) I'm starting to think Stallone has a fetish for it. There's lots of effort put into framing it and shooting it, and whilst Ayer adds a sickly green lighting over it, it's still framed as working, as great to do, as something this guy deserves, and also pretty cool. It's just another thing supremely jarringly added onto this rollercoaster with the grace of granite anal beads attached to a motorbike.
The movie has a worshipful, almost beatific belief in the supremacy of the military: not as they are, but this ideal it holds aloft. Again, a classic piece of fare for this work, but taken to extremes: the only people Statham is ever shown being nice to are David Harbour's blind woodsman (who loves the military, though he lost his eyes due to it, unqeustioningly) who supplies him with shedloads of weapons for his murders, and the Christian meth dealer biker when he finds out he was a soldier, so in between the mass murders, Statham manages to place a knife into his throat in a fight more one-sided than the finale of a Seagal flick, and pensively closes his eyes with his hands as a show of respect.

Again, its odd to see it come to the forefront after the rest of the picture, like the one-liners of Jenny when she is kidnapped. I am left bored by the fight scenes, and comotose by the detective work. Even the sillier moments are C-list at best, especially for the genre.
If you're a Statham fan, you're better off with "The Beekeeper" or "Hummingbird" and even "Wild Card". If you're into the mystery or the plot, look elsewhere.

"The Beekeeper" - Review

Adam Clay (Jason Statham) is living in tranquility as a beekeeper. When his neighbour and perhaps only friend Eloise (Phylicia Rashad) loses everything she has to a call centre scam, Clay takes revenge. This brings him into the orbit of a pair of FBI agents (Emmy Raver-Lampman and Bobby Naderi), the Hawaiian shirt sporting tech bro head of the call centres (Josh Hutcherson) and a path of violence unqeunchable...

Statham is among the last of a dying breed: the action movie star. We used to get the box office showdowns of Arnie VS Stallone at the top, then on the B-Tier (the better stuff, honestly) JCVD VS Dolph Lundgren, or if you were unlucky, Chuck Norris VS Any Actor. But too late we realised there was space for both in this world, and thank you to Statham and Scott Adkins for keeping the spirit of this alive.
This is a back-to-basics, completely unhinged and wacky Jason Statham script, but channelled through the "gritty urban edge" filter of David Ayer, so played 100% straight making it even funnier and 1,000 times more entertaining.
It tries to channel "John Wick" and every Seagal movie ever made: a stoic, quiet badass living a normal life just wants to get on with it, but then some bad guys do wrong and he embarks on this path of vengeance, with a competent action star in the lead who could do this in his sleep; only there are colourful 80s and 90s henchmen and supporting characters to fight, and even the villains are given the same "sane man subordinate" having to babysit "idiot boss" vibe of that film. There are some bright, colourful, honestly well lit set pieces; the FBI agents honestly had funny dialogue and made me laugh (one of them gets Statham/gravity-induced concussion and introduces himself as "Federal Bureau of Something, you know the deal") and feel like they're ripped from a fun 90s movie. They even tie into the plot, weirdly, and their storyline jusssssssssssst straddles the line of endorsing vigilante justice without going there or being weirdly right wing. Honestly the first part of the movie is oddly Boomer-preachy: characters ranting to the screen about these evil selfish call centre thieves stealing from the elderly, which is "worse than stealing from a child" because there is nobody to bat for them. Continuing the "John Wick" vibes: Jeremy Irons prattles about "you can't stop Beekeepers!" because "Beekeeper" was also the name of the covert government agency Statham worked for, but "Beekeeper" is a very silly thing to call it.
But then the movie fucking rules?
Honestly, the script goes completely off the range mental and escalates into, no joke, minigun battles in a petrol station, and a full frontal assault on the home of the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES (played by Jemma Redgrave for some God damned reason), with the balls to explain why there are so many fucking henchmen and goons at these call centres Statham is genociding. He hurls jars of honey at a person's head. It's unhinged, sheer Statham lunacy, and everybody plays it pitch perfect: special shoutout goes to the first guy at the call centre (David Witts) who is bringing mad "Jordan Belfort" energy and just an oily shitbag; and then the comically evil Enzo Cilenti who wears a suit made up of the word "GOAT", carries a gold microphone and tells everybody around him to ignore the mercenaries demanding it be shut down because "WE'RE HERE TO MAKE MONEY!"; the villains are cartoonishly evil, and even Minnie Driver shows up for 2 scenes to sic an assassin on Statham, then go "fuck it, you're on your own!" when that fails. But special praise must go to Josh Hutcherson, here making up for being the lead in the second worst movie of last year by playing Jake Paul. A crypto-douche smarmy shitbag wank stain in bleached blonde hair, belittling his protectors, demanding his minions keep making scam calls despite the murders going on, constantly taking drugs, skateboarding everywhere, and being into "wellness" and "New Age" song bowls and shit. It's like every scene he went to Ayer: "How can I make him shittier?". The movie also keeps introducing henchmen, with build up and characterisation, only to have them Punked, and finally settle on (correctly) a colourful zany South African mercenary with a prosthetic leg in the final act.
And throughout all of this, David Ayer is a terrible choice, who thus makes him the PERFECT choice. He shoots everything with that grim, gritty, "urban gangsta flava" (thank you Lindsay Ellis) style, with big soaring horror music every time The Beekeeper is mentioned, some fucking fun gore effects and brutal kills and people burning to death, the sort of grit and edge and cops-in-army-gear poe-faced seriousness which makes every single thing around it even funnier. Kudos. Kudos movie.
I had an absolute whale of a time, and get everything I wanted and hoped for. I can't even mention half of the insane shit here.

"Expend4bles" - Review

The eponymous team go on a mission to "Gaddafi's Old Bunker" (actual title card) and it goes South, losing them one of their own. Vowing vengeance, Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) is booted off the team regardless for his mistakes. As the team assemble, they do so under the new leadership of ex CIA operative Gina (Megan Fox) and consist of: demolitions expert and recurring member Toll Road (Randy Couture), hyperactive sex fuelled Spaniard and son of previous member Galgo, Galan (Jacob Scipio); new replacement black guy "Easy Day" (50 Cent); tattooed chain wielding new girl Lash (Levy Tran) and the now sober and aging Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren); they do so in order to take revenge on their newest enemy Rahmat (Iko Uwais) and help CIA agent Marsh (Andy Garcia) prevent World War 3.

There are times when "Expend4bles" almost works as a macho, over the top 80s gory throwback. There is blood (unfortunately CGI, cheapening and ruining the effect) and an occasional line where the characters attempt to give each other shit, and this banter feels good on some (Lundgren and Statham mostly) but incredibly weak on others (why Couture keeps getting more lines was a mystery to me, until I saw what it was like when Fiddy attempted to deliver some); and there is one piece of macho bullshit which works and got a chuckle out of me: Dolph Lundgren keeps missing his shots at the start of the film (planting), and tries to stay sober, then in the final gunfight at the end her misses again - he winces, downs a hip flask of whiskey, lands 7 headshots in a row, kills 8 more people with a grenade and goes (practically to the camera) "It's good to be back!" (Payoff!). It's one of the few times when tone works, and when it reaches those heights of greasy dumpster fire trash and over the top carnage it wants.
Unfortunately Scott Waugh is a talentless hack, squandering his budget on CGI and cutting his movie to ribbons, and when the cartoonish backdrops (they CGI a BAR FOR PEOPLE TO CHAT IN!) are not done any favours by the dingy "Call of Duty knockoff" lighting, they are on full vibrant horrible display in "Avengers TV movie" lighting. There are no in betweens.
The editing and shooting is so bad that it makes me wonder if Iko Uwais and Tony Jaa can actually fight, it gets that bad. Andy Garcia delivers a performance so terrible I am convinced it had to be a directing issue, all done in a short time frame on as few takes as possible - all flat intonation and half-flubbed lines. It's genuinely startling to see a performance this bad, this rushed: it's something akin to Steven Seagal reading for "Hamlet" whilst fleeing an impending SA conviction. I swear, the man is half drunk and doesn't know where he is.
The script does no favours to anybody.
The script doesn't need to be intricate or excellent, it needs to do the job, and it stumbles out of the block and falls flat on its face. It's not hard: you come to this movie for the promise of old school action from old school action stars, so just have our ragtag team of thinly sketched characters go on a rampage, kick some ass in an exotic locale and massacre the equivalent of the population of Morocco, and ride into the sunset smoking cigars, knocking back whiskey and fondling the asses of women half their age whilst a mansion detonates behind them, cleansing the area in the fires of their virility.
Instead we get the central cast written out of the movie, with the exception of Statham, and stiff, weak, limp action movie scenes which seem to be struggling to find their purpose, and the movie still has the gall to pad itself with scenes like Statham finding work as a bodyguard for an obnoxious social media influencer.
I wish I could tell you how the performances of the oft-maligned Megan Fox and newcomer Levy Tran are, but again they are given nothing to do. Fox is fine, and Tran belongs in a "John Wick" movie with her myriad of tattoos and use of a bladed chain whip which threatens to make the movie fun, moreseo than Statham Tokyo-drifting a cruiser or flipping a machine-gun mounted motorbike 8 times in the air.
By the time those things happen, I'd clocked out.
All you need to know is this:
Dolph Lundgren credits "The Expendables" with saving his career, turning him from desperate direct to video movies and reminding Hollywood that he was still around and kind of cool. He experienced something of a career Rennaissance: "Creed 2", "Hail Caesar!", "Aquaman", better direct to video fare ("Castle Falls", which is fun and he takes directing duties on; "Universal Soldier: Regeneration"; and the bloody good time "Don't Kill It" which is both mine and his favourite roles ever and a fucking awesome premise and rip roaring good time I recommend whole-heartedly); and him effectively turning his life around: he's the patron of a human-trafficking charity, reconnected with his children, got sober and has really been in his best place for years now. He is a credit to himself, the first movie, Hollywood as a whole, and an icon of non-toxic masculinity.
He has also been suffering from kidney cancer since 2015.
The movie introduces him with 50 Cent mocking him for having a bad wig, and telling him it looks bad.
Fuck this movie.
Please just watch Dolph Lundgren movies and his TED Talk instead.