"Dead of Winter" - Review

Recently widowed Barb (a rather game Emma Thompson) heads to a frozen lake in the Canadian wildnerness to scatter her husband's ashes. She comes across a crime in progress, as a woman in a purple coat (Judy Greer) and a man in a camouflage coat (Marc Menchaca) have stashed a bound woman (Laurel Marsden, no relation to James) in their cabin. Unwilling to let surely bad things happen to this girl, but with no special skills outside of tenacity and age, Barb does battle with the pair.

(Photo credit: thefutureoftheforce.com Fucking websites not using fucking JPGs, bastard piece of shit internet, fuck it)
A fairly solid thriller, all things considered. It's not going to set the world on fire (hah!) and doesn't exactly reinvent he wheel - but it doesn't have to. It's a tight enough fare (through it loses steam in the cellar in act 3), with lovely scenescapes, good use of flashbacks, and a focus on the nitty-gritty survival elements like soaking clothes in a sink to screw with people, and how actually bloody difficult would be to sew up one's own wounds. I like that the protagonists are ordinary people (Barb has twinges in her back, people slip over and drop things in fight scenes, for example), there's no "secret military background" or crowbarred tangent: it feels natural and fun and a touch of class. It's a nice, simple movie and a quirky change of pace for Thompson, who's really good in this.

"Good Luck To You, Leo Grande"

Nancy Stokes (Emma Thompson) is a widow, repressed sexually after an incredibly boring marriage. But she has a plan: she has hired a sex worker by the name of Leo Grande (Daryl McCormack) to try things she never had a chance to, and to give her a wild time. Over the course of a few meetings, Nancy starts to come out of her shell, learns about Leo Grande, learns about sex, and boundries are formed, pushed and tested.

This was a genuinely touching, sweet, nuanced and human look at sex, sexual awakenings and pleasrue. The characters are well sketched, McCormack is excellent (especially coming of the back of the also good "Pixie"), Thompson is always wonderful, and it doesn't feel exploitative or sleazy in any way. It's dam good, and the dancing sequence genuinely got me emotional. The script is by Katy Brand (a welcome surprise) and rather than being a laugh a minute romp, it focuses on the humanity of the characters and feels like a stage play, in a good way; though there is an excellent "Your Mum" joke which genuinely got me.
I really recommend this.

"Sense and Sensibility" Review - From the Vaults

 So, "Sense and Sensibility"...

It's like the porn parody of "Pride and Prejudice", but without the porn. 

There's these two sisters, played by Barney Thomson's mum and Rose from Titanic, who live in the house of the foreman from The Full Monty. He dies in the first five minutes, leaving the house in the care of Hugo from the Vicar of Dibley and his bitch wife. So now the two of them are forced to live with the late Robert Hardy and his wife, the two best characters of the film.

Mrs Barney Thomson is trying her best to keep shit together, and even falls for Hugh Grant, but he has to leave. She also meets a lovely Colonel played by Hans Gruber, who delivers every line as if he's in a thriller, which is amazing. 

"How was India, Colonel Brandon?"

"The air. Is filled with spices."

I mean, Jesus Brandon, the little girl asked you a question, there's no need to frighten the every-loving buggery out of me.

Meanwhile, her sister is being a slag on the moors, when she meets some fuck-boy named Willoughby. The guy proves that he's a massive tool  when he swans about on a horse with his collar open and immediately goes touching the calves and ankles of Winslet. I mean, Jesus Christ lady, why don't you give him a handjob whilst you're at it?! Can't you see that he's a fuck-boy, and that there's a very nice Colonel Brandon whose HEART YOU ARE RIPPING APART IN YOUR HARLOTRY?!

...

Again, I got heavily invested in this movie.

"Cruella" Review - From the Vaults

 So, "Cruella"

Estella Miller is a girl born with two-tone hair, picked on by her peers by learning to fight back of her own accord, and living with her mother (Emily Beecham) poor and outcast. When her mother visits a mysterious fashion designer known as "The Baroness" (Emma Thompson, I will GET TO HER) to obtain some money, she falls to her death in an accident, and the girl is forced to live on the streets. She grows up to be an adult thief (Emma Stone) and accomplished pickpocket accompanied by her fellow orphans Jasper (Joel Fry) and Horace (Paul Walter Hauser, a rising star who's fucking amazing wherever he shows up and who I will also get to), but wishes to follow her dream of becoming a fashion designer...

First of all I would like to congratulate the movie on creating a universe in which heterosexuality is non-existant, just in time for Pride Month!

Seriously, this is some Baz Luhrman "too camp to be gay" stuff on screen. My fiancee wonderfully summed it up as "for a movie with so much of the straight flag colours on screen, it is remarkably gay". This will receive a cult following in a few years time, mark my words: this movie belongs to the LGBTQ+ community now, and definitely not by design.

It's slow to start, but hits its stride thanks to a FANTASTIC pantomime level performance by Emma Stone (international treasure she is) and Emma Thompson basically showing us her resentment over not being cast in "The Devil Wears Prada" and nobody watching her performance in "The Legend of Barney Thomson". It is a delicious, hammy, ludicrously camp meeting of minds.

The film is style over substance to the ultimate degree (despite some fun jabs at the job market and meritocracy), with a pumping 70s aesthetic and ludicrous stylistic choices giving it a flair and reminding us that this comes from the director of "I, Tonya"; yet that more than carries it through its batshit, live action cartoon sequences which will be marmite to most.

Fry and Hauser are, respectively, charming and the best parts of the film not called Emma.

Way more fun than I thought it would be