"Mortal Kombat 2" - Despite All My Rage I Am Still Just Johnny in a Cage

The realms must do battle to decide their fates, the first to win ten tournaments gains dominion over the other. The evil "Outworld" under brutish emperor Shao Khan (Martyn Ford) have gained dominion over Edenia, and its princess Kitana (Adeline Rudolph); and now seek to bring Earthrealm under their bloody banner. Lightning God Raiden (Tadanobu Asano) has gathered five champions for the tournament: legendary martial artist Liu Kang (Ludi Lin), super-powered soldier Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee), her cyborg colleague and pal Jax Briggs (Mehcad Brooks) and previous champion and zero-to-hero Cole Young (Lewis Tan), but requires a fifth: the Universe has set its sights on fading 90s karate champion and movie star Johnny Cage (Karl Urban), who is reluctantly roped into a tournament to decide the fate of the entire human race...

(Photo credit: Reddit)
An absolutely wonderful time.
The film is a gleefully daft, enjoyable buffet of bloodshed, bollocks, Baraka and bullshit. It embraces the videogame aesthetic (the costumes, finishing moves, structure, arenas including an honest-to-Gibson acid pit and even a camera shot going side on to display the two fighters squaring off) and the ludicrousness of its premise: glowing lights in the sky denote when a character has been defeated, blue for the good guys and red for the villains. It goes full throttle into the blood, guts and mayhem (how it is not an 18 is unclear, maybe because it lacks titties?), yet in a fun, cartoony way: bright colourful costumes to clearly mark each character apart, each one with a different superpower and enough character and charm to them to bring some colour to proceedings even if the crowded ensemble and focus on the spectacle means that characterisation takes second place. Despite that the film manages to keep them from being bland: Jessica McNamee's Sonya Blade returns and is good fun, with a delightful pit fight against banshee Sindel; Princess Kitana (Adeline Rudolph) is a highlight this time around as arguably the conflicted central character, with a delightful lesbian-subplot with her bodyguard Jade (Tati Gabrielle), without either of them being sexualised (the movie even has the sheer brass fucking balls to pass the Bechdel Test); and her arc competently mirrors the larger than life professional loudmouth shithead Cage (Karl Urban on a continued tear with this, "Dredd", "Thor: Ragnarok" and "Star Trek") discovering his heroism in the final act, with some cool edits. Hell, I felt myself getting hyped up despite the stupidity of it all when Kitana made her big choice in the final act and the music swelled: I had embraced the Mortal Kombat way and was relishing in the filth it had baptised me in. Cage gets a supremely fun buddy cop "Mentor/Mentee" arc with Baraka (CJ Bloomfield) I wanted more of; Hiroyuki Sanada returns and is such a class act that with two minutes of screen time manages to make the line "I am Hanzo Hasashi. Hell bends to my will." land with gravitas; the always excellent Tadanobu Asano comes back, and whilst there is less of he and Chin Han than I would have liked, they were still welcome. Star of the show, once again, however was Josh Lawson as Kano: clearly the writers knew that they had struck gold with him in the last film, and write him back in to bully, snarl, swear and be a raging fucking cockbag who is absolutely the best part whenever he is on screen: bullying the villains, spouting solid gold with every line, and even having the audacity to participate in a truly, deliciously ludicrous hell-heist to turn off Cheat Mode in the 3rd act, cementing redemption and rising to become heroes in a film where Sonya Blade spears a banshee's skull on a floor spike and Liu Kang kills a man with a hat (by the way it's worth it for those two fights alone).
Stellar, stupid stuff. Absolutely wonderful in terms of "bang for your buck".

"Hellboy: The Crooked Man"

As they transport a giant spider across Appalachia, somthing goes awry and Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defence agent/partial demon man "Hellboy" (Jack Kesy) and first-time-in-the-field reasearcher Bobbie Jo Song (Adeline Rudolph) find themselves stuck in the sticks. First looking for the spider and a phone, they soon realise that something dark lurks in these woods, and it is very much their job to fix it. Alongside a pleasant enough country boy here to meet his parents (Jefferson White), they find themselves drawn into the legend the locals call "The Crooked Man"...

After the festering pile of executive tomfoolery in the shape of a film "Hellboy" (2019) and continued sagas of screwing over Guillermo Del Toro, this one comes as a bit of a surprise. Nobody was begging for one, there was not an ounce of build up, and it dropped the same weekend as "Megalopolis" (excited to watch that fucking trainwreck! Stay tuned!).
It's actually alright.
From one of the directors of "Crank", it is a mish mash of tones and genres, but just about sticks the landing. It is at its best when it is about the American folklore, the strange backwater superstitions and the "odd folk in the woods", left behind in the post-War countryside and fending for themselves with witchcraft and bargains. The build up is rushed and over-tightened, and the atmosphere doesn't quite get the air it needs to breathe and be as scary as it wants; but there are some spooky images (I appreciate the pitch black backdrops, and a juddering, jarring nightmare edit of a serpent on a lady) and some old-school horror played straight. The main villain isn't as spooky as I wanted him to be, but when the movie starts to breathe and take off, and be about a blue-collar guy and his bookish sidekick helping a regular-Joe fight zombies; it's fun! Kesy is fine as Hellboy, and I wish there was more Adeline Rudolph, and honestly it's kind of an interesting and refreshing take having the hero/lead character be Jefferson White's Tom Ferrell. It all adds a pleasant peasant-eye view to proceedings. I like the campier B-movie silliness as they use blessed shovels to fight demons, but when it tries to tie into "lore" and "history" of our titular hero, whom we are seemingly expected to simply know, it doesn't feel as earned as it could be, though I like the editing of the parallel traumas between Song and Hellboy.
This one I can see becoming a cult classic. It just about sticks the landing with its juggling of genres, and uses its lower budget well. Nothing too egregious sticks out in terms of mess (despite the MOUNTAIN of producers attached) and it is a solid rental.