The Van Dammeathon - Part 1 (Introduction)

I want to try something which has been brewing in my mind for a while now, a long term project idea which has rattled around my cranium like a pinball. I've started long term stuff in the early days of this blog (I promise I'll return to "Live a Live") but this one feels different.

I love the action movie icons of the 80s and 90s, the idea of an "action movie" and an "action movie star", relics of a bygone age - their task of headlining big punchy testosterone fuelled action movies for dads held in the capable hands of two survivors by the name of Jason Statham (for the big leagues) and Scott Adkins (for straight to DVD fare), both admirable.
But two of the titans are still going, two juggernauts of cinema and pop cultural mythos are still making movies. Dolph Lundgren and Jean Claude Van Damme: the B-Listers and undercard to the wars of Arnie and Sly; the Muscles from Brussells and the Swedish Limits of the Metric System. Two (literal) titans representing the apex of masculinity, destroying all in their path in critically reviled works of bloodless mayhem and videotape-bound dreams of misogynistic power fantasies: things to be parodied so thoroughly and derided so often that they have entered pop cultural cul-de-sacs of fossilised dreams of a generation gone bye, throwbacks to them either embarassing or outright parody (check out "Far Cry: Blood Dragon" for a rather good one) because that's the only way you'd get away with making one in this day and age.
I adore Van Damme and Lundgren movies for what they are. I love sitting down with a brainless action movie, finding joy in its carnage, charm in its nonsense.

You know, all of that good shit! I think it's about time I put down, in writing, my thoughts on the filmographies of both men, whom I have studied more than is healthy or necessary and subjected my fiancee to the works of both, in order to categorically rank both of them and their works.
I've watched more Van Damme movies than a teenager with access to a video shop in the 90s, and I'm making it everybody else's problem.

Let's do this!
I shall begin with Van Damme first, for he is the more famous, better known and better regarded of the two (rightly or wrongly...) and for other reasons which may make themselves apparent in time.
I shall go through the works of him, splitting them into distinct eras:
1. The Early Years and his rise to fame in the sort of cult, wonderfully pure martial arts kickathons which showed off his talent
2. Hollywood Calling: his best-known works, when he was top of the pile, a household name, and an easy target...
3. The Dark Ages: When he went to that perpetual purgatory of action movie stars: the direct to DVD bin, which I am going to make an impassioned defence for.
I shall be grading his movies not in the traditional sense, for that would be against why I love his works. I shall be grading them on the passion, the drive, how well they work as action movies for the intended audience. For fun, I'll even mark them out of 5 for each category, so we can even have a fun time choosing "the best Van Damme" movie!
Category 1: Concept
How good an action movie concept is it? How fun/trashy an idea is it? How much does it play to Van Damme's strengths? Is it just a good movie idea in general? Rated from 0 to 5
Category 2: Execution.
How good or competent is it as an action film? Do we get lots of fight scenes? Is it ieasy to follow and competently made? This may not be as important as one may imagine... Rated from 0 to 5.
Category 3: Charm.
The man is a goofball. I love it, you will come to love it. How fun is the movie? Does it land? Is it enjoyable even as a bad movie? Do we get suitable ludicrousness? Does Van Damme do the grin? Does he dance? Rated from 0 to 5.
Category 4: Villain.
An action movie is only as good as its villain. Some of these are going to have belters... Rated from 0 to 5.
These should come together for a total score of 20, so we can categorically decide which is better, "Timecop" or "Sudden Death"; "Enemies Closer" or "Wake of Death"?
But wait!
There's more to this contest nobody asked for!
We have bonus points up for grabs:
Alumnii.
One extra point for each JCVD movie alumnus who stars in this. It'll become clear as we go along.
Brotherhood.
Central to all of his Golden Era movies (and beyond...) is the central idea of brotherhood. We'll be awarding a point for a brother as a central plot point. Two if they are twins.
Groin.
Does he do the splits? A point if he does. And an extra point if he shows ass or dong. Expect this score to come up a lot.
And that should do it!
See you soon for our our first entry.