Time for something completely different, seeing as I haven't added anything on here in a while. Hamlet! As told by chavs and LOL-Speak simpletons. This, like many of my ideas, stems from a late night on Facebook, after ingesting ungodly amounts of tea. I have expnded the original post and updated it slightly, leaving you with this monstrosity. The screen names of the characters are as follows:
Hamlet = Sex_Bomb 96
Claudius = MILF-Luvver
Horatio = Last living dude
Ophelia = xxPsycholuvver!!!xx
Gertrude = Lady111
Laertes = Shankmaster
Polonius = Midasdaddy
Rosencrantz = Anonymous1
Guildenstern = Anonymous2
Ghost = MILF-BANGER
Sex_Bomb 96: Yo blud! I is doin' well good like dis man! My dad is one of dem big fish, yeah? You get me Horatio?
Last living dude: Be careful man, we don't want those jealous bad boys coming over here and messing this sweet ass deal up do you?
MILF-Luvver: Time for me to fuck things up.
Sex_Bomb 96: Lol, like what unc?
MILF-Luvver: Your mum
Last living dude: lol
Sex_Bomb 96: dude! Not cool!
MILF-BANGER: yo
MILF-BANGER: yo
MILF-BANGER: yo
MILF-BANGER: ...
MILF-BANGER: ...
MILF-BANGER: dickhead
Sex_Bomb 96: wat?
MILF-BANGER: ... you online?
Sex_Bomb 96: dad, r u drunk? again?
MILF-BANGER: just avenge my death
Sex_Bomb 96: ur drunk dad
MILF-BANGER: wait! Don't log off! Your uncle Claudius is a right dick!
Sex_Bomb 96: I kno that dad, goodnight
MILF-BANGER: I'm dead.
Sex_Bomb 96: u wat?
MILF-BANGER: I'm dead. Claudius poisoned me.
Sex_Bomb 96: Then how're u writin dis?
MILF-BANGER: heaven. look, will u avenge my death or not?
Sex_Bomb 96: Fine.
MILF_BANGER: thnx son.
Sex_Bomb 96: dad?
MILF-BANGER: yea?
Sex_Bomb 96: wat's it like up there?
MILF-BANGER: in heaven?
Sex_Bomb 96: yea
MILF-BANGER: so much pussy
Sex_Bomb 96: rly?
MILF-BANGER: oh yea. So much poon.
Sex_Bomb 96: nice
Midasdaddy: Hello? Son? How does this thing work? Are you getting this?
Shankmaster: Yes dad, you're doing fine.
Midasdaddy: Oh, excellent! It's so good to be in the space cyber.
Shankmaster: The what?
Midasdaddy: Space cyber! Isn't that what the kids call this now?
Shankmaster: Cyber-space dad. It's called cyber-space. And nobody calls it that anymore.
Midasdaddy: Oh, I see... So what do you call this?
Shankmaster: Never mind, dad.
Midasdaddy: Are you all packed?
Shankmaster: Yes dad.
Midasdaddy: Toothbrush?
Shankmaster: Yes.
Midasdaddy: Spare clothes?
Shankmaster: Yes.
Midasdaddy: Sword?
Shankmaster: What?
Midasdaddy: Your sword. I never went anywhere without mine.
Shankmaster: Why would I need a sword, dad?
Midasdaddy: Self defence?
Shankmaster: Who's going to attack me?
Midasdaddy: You're a nobleman!
Shankmaster: Still, why would I carry a sword for self defence? It's hardly conspicuous!
Midasdaddy: Well, whenever I carry a sword in public, nobody attacks me!
Shankmaster: ... that's because they think you're insane now.
Midasdaddy: Well, what if you need to make a point?
Shankmaster: ... did you just make a joke?
Midasdaddy: Maybe...
Shankmaster: My flight's nearly here. Talk to you later.
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: Hamlet!
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: Hamlet?
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: hi
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: hello?
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: Hamlet?
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: heeeeeellllllooooooooooooooooooo?
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: you there?
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: it's me!
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: remember me?
Sex_Bomb 96: ... hi
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: Hamlet! You're there! I was getting worried!
Sex_Bomb 96: ducks
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: ???
Sex_Bomb 96: woogabooga!
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: Hammy?
Sex_Bomb 96: potato farmers in the underpants of elephant monkey semen titties!
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: You alright?
Sex_Bomb 96: macca-pacca boom boom pow!
xxPsycholuvver!!!xx: ... I'll talk to you later. You sound drunk.
Sex_Bomb 96: Horry? Horry? You there?
Last living dude: yo
Sex_Bomb 96: she gone?
Last living dude: yup
Sex_Bomb 96: sweet. club?
Last living dude: dude, wat the hell r u doing?
Sex_Bomb 96: pretending I'm insane
Last living dude: Why?
Sex_Bomb 96: Shits and giggles.
Last living dude: really?
Sex_Bomb 96: nah, gonna fuck up my uncle.
Last living dude: by actin' all weird n shit?
Sex_Bomb 96: He'll never see it comin'
Last living dude: watevs man. Want me to keep an eye on Ophelia?
Sex_Bomb 96: nah, she'll be fine
Last living dude: bitches be trippin'.
Sex_Bomb 96: word
My posts have all been quite long, so I'll probably split this one. The second part will come eventually.
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