"The Long Walk" - Review

In another, similar time, in another, similar place: 50 boys sign up for "The Long Walk". An arduous march across America, where the last one standing receives any prize they desire: all televised for the country, inspiring them to greater productivity with this display of strength, endurance and hope! Of course, like any fair contest, there are rules: do not drop below a certain number of paces, do not deviate from the path, and if you violate again after 3 warnings? You punch your ticket. Entering the contest is Ray Garraty (Cooper Hoffman), who has his eyes on the prize. He walks, walks and walks, meeting the other walkers, learning their stories, but never taking his eyes off the prize, no matter what happens...

(Photo Credit: Polygon. Apologies for not doing this for so long, my brain is all over the shop)
I read the novel (written in 1979, Jesus H Christ...) by Stephen King years ago, and it imagery and characters still remain jammed in my mind (I think most nerds got through his backlog as teenagers) all these years later. I was pleased and pleasantly surprised to see that this is effectively almost verbatim the book, and most enjoyable at that since I don't even find the book the strongest of the Bachman works, let alone King's ouvre.
A resonant, rich character piece, with the stark horror (hah, that's a Bachman pun...) and a fine script by JT Mollner. We get to know these walkers, their lives, peppered across some excellent visual storytelling by Francis Lawrence (burnt out cars across the desolate landscape, mentions of "the great war", a very retro setting making the time period ambiguous) which I really respect. Standout performers are Ben Wang as Olson (the shit-talking Bronx kid doing an excellent John Magaro in "Overlord" impression), Charlie Plummer as Barkovitch (the antagonistic unhinged dickbag) and particularly, getting much rightful praise once again, David Jonsson as McVries. It tackles how we approach death, resistance in all of its forms, solace and hope in the face of adversity, and moves across the emotional spectrum pretty fluidly. It's excellent stuff, a pleasant (if grim and dystopian) surprise with an excellent anti-fascist bent and a delightful scenery-devouring Mark Hamill.

"Tornado" - Review

In the year 1790, across the ribbon of cold moors known as "Scotland", a young Japanese woman named Tornado (Koki) performs in a travelling puppet show with her father Fujin (Takehiro Hira), rebellious and chafing against his authority. When they cross paths with a ruthless gang of bandits led by "Sugarman" (Tim Roth), Tornado's world becomes the namesake of her name and against a backdrop none-too-removed from her family's shows, and she is forced to become a whirlwind across the landscape just to survive.

(Photo Credit: The Upcoming. What a fucking poster, man!)
John Maclean did "Slow West" a few years ago: a delightfully droll, pleasant, picturesque little surprise of a Western, and I thought he'd done more films in the meantime, but no! Hollywood is a nightmare and it has taken him 10 years to get a 2nd film released. I don't believe that this is going to get the acclaim and adoration "Slow West" did, which is fair but also a shame as I really rather liked this.
It's a lean affair, began in media reas and clocking in at 91 minutes with a flashback in the middle and a bloody, fun finale. A hybrid of a chase movie and a Samurai film, dressed up in the beautiful scenescapes of Scotland with the visual flair, colours and oddities; it is reminiscent of the Coen Brothers with its quirky humour. It could do with being a bit longer, and some of the tonal shifts never land quite as fluidly as they should (fitting, considering the setting of a travelling circus troupe), but the tone as a whole is strong: the movie feels like a mournful lament, the dying gasps and whispered sorrows of a dying man. The central arc and foreshadowing/parallels of Tornado are well done, and the cinematography and colour grading make this look closer to a storybook or an oil painting than a traditional "gritty" Western, and I really enjoy this. The finale is fun too, very chanbara in the woods

"The Toxic Avenger - Unrated" - Review

In the corrupt, rotting city of St Roma, the chief industry is a heavily polluting pharmaceutical plant. It is here where widowed mild-mannered janitor Winston Gooze (Peter Dinklage) works to support himself and his stepson Wade (Jacob Tremblay), until a horrifying accident transforms him into a toxic beast ready to avenge himself upon the town that has wronged them!

(Photo Credit: IGN)
This is a movie tailor made for me.
The original Troma "classic" is the cornerstone and touchpiece for their brand of trash, outsider mayhem and gross nonsense, I proudly have Lloyd Kaufman's autograph, and a copy of the film in a trashy DVD on my shelf. I've listened to the musical multiple times (the only one I've done so outside of the Golden Age classics) and just adore this kind of outsider art. And when Macon Blair (behind the fucking excellent underrated genre-bender "I Don't Feel At Home in this World Anymore"), star of "Blue Ruin" and "Green Room" was announced to finally be the one going ahead with this long-squelching remake, my interest was piqued.
With my bona fides out of the way, let's get this part done with: There's nothing quite so Hollywood was taking an underdog cult trash classic piece of punk outsider art and remaking it glossier and with bigger stars; though it has Kaufman (now best known to the kids for his appearences in James Gunn movies) and Michael Herz behind the producing wheels, it still was stuck in development hell. Oh Hollywood.
It was always going to lose some of that lovably incompetent, wild, anarchic jank in the transition. That being said:
I fucking loved this.
From the opening shots being an overly Gothic-lit office with "Award for Good Journalism: Melvin Ferd" (the name of the lead in the Toxic Avenger musical) and him being played by Shaun Dooley (Barnsley represent!) before a bunch of weirdly dressed, chicken-headed, clown-make-up clad, parkour-flipping goons burst in and start trying to murder: I felt that Macon Blair has the same love for this movie as I do.
What follows is bloody, stupid, punky, outrageous, bloody, gory, stupid, juvenile, bloody and campy, with lots of gore and stupid blood to push things to the limit.
Dinklage cuts a man's face in half, revealing a pulsating brain, with a radioactive mop.
The chicken man gets a fucking fantastic gross pay off.
Kevin Bacon (embracing his weird era in films, side note watch "Super" and he's super fun in "Elephant White") hams it up to the extreme with his deliberately snarling, cartoonish dialogue.
Elijah Wood, also relishing his weirdo era, plays a put-upon "Igor" esque brother to Bacon, complete with atrocious hair and cane.
Peter Dinklage proclaims: "Alright, I need to get my dick out!".
Said dick is actually Chekov's gun.
At a murderous "post-hardcore punk" concert, reaction shots consist of flashed titties and penises.
The transformation into the titular creature is a deliberately 50s style psychadelic throwboack with headshots and swirling screens, done to the Mozart monster theme, you know the one.
It still has the outright gall and audacity to be an underdog story, a corporate satire, and a commentary on the American healthcare system (not a subtle one, but, come on man... we're past this) in the final cut.
This movie is far better made than the original, but puts that budget and effort into being gross, stupid, ridiculous and capturing the Troma sense of humour, without the mean-spiritedness (well... almost...)
It's a niche movie for a niche crowd, but I am that niche crowd.
I was laughing a lot, and when I wasn't laughing I was beaming from ear to ear.
I want Blair to go very far after this, unpredictable career that he has.
I guess if you like stuff like "Wolfcop", "Hobo With a Shotgun", "Street Trash", "The Stuff" and "Demons", go for this!
Fuck yeah.

"Nobody 2" - Review

Long after his rough and tumble tangle with the Russian Mafia brought mild-mannered super-killer Hutch Mansell (Bob Odenkirk, which I still cannot get over) back into the game, he has been doing contract work for The Barber (Colin Salmon, nice) to settle affairs. But this has all alienated him from his family, so he decides to arrange a holiday! Alongside ballsy wife Becca (Connie Nielsen), gangly rebellious son Brady (Gage Munroe), endearing daughter Sammy (Paisley Cadorath) and unhinged father David (Christopher Lloyd); Hutch decides to head off to beloved theme park/waterpark of his youth Plummerville! But you can never fight the tides, and soon Hutch finds himself trying to simply enjoy his holiday and avoid the orbit of sleazy weirdo sheriff Abel (Colin Hanks), scuzzy owner Wyatt (John Ortiz) and mysterious maniac Lendina (Sharon Stone) - easier said than done.

(Photo Credit: Amazon Prime Video)
The first film is rather fun and a pleasant surprise where action movies are concerned, marketed largely successfully on it being from minds behind "John Wick" and Bob Odenkirk in the leading role. This one keeps that momentum going but also seems unsure where to go with it. Having Indonesian Timo Tjahanto behind the wheel adds an askew crookedness to standard Americana, which is welcome and adds to the quirk: it's a nice twist on the setup and brings spark to the tale. When blood and vicious gore of the director's previous efforts like "The Night Comes For Us" begins to get spattered across the faded All-American theme park and other such things, it's a tad jarring but spices up things.
Otherwise it's a rather busy movie, with lots of characters bouncing around the place, scheming, counter-scheming and having mini-arcs which get kind of dropped and forgotten about; and Sharon Stone's villain is given little guidance or things to do so sort of has to pull a Matt Smith in "Morbius" and make up quirk as she goes along (including a dance sequence); but the whole affair is bloody fun and comes into its own on a boat fight and during the finale at the theme park. Much like Hutch's holiday (hell, the film even uses Cliff Richard...) it's fun while it lasts, and it won't be as good as you remember when you look back on it, but enjoy the ride.
Plus RZA gets to be the samurai of his dreams in the final act and gets the best, pulpiest line against legal-requirement bad guy Daniel Bernhardt.

"The Life of Chuck" - Review

It's the end of the world. Schoolteacher Marty Anderson (Chiwetel Ejifor) watches the slow, gentle descent with a melancholic acceptance, as people take stock of what matters and madness spirals around them, peeling away all that doesn't matter and makes it all seem to small. Making events odder are constant adverts and billboards thanking a gentleman named Chuck (Tom Hiddleston) for 39 years. Over the end of the world, an extended musical number and a coming-of-age tale - a trio of chapters tell a story of a man's life in snapshots.

(Picture Credit: Cosmopolitan. Thank you for still using JPEGs)
Somewhat bizarrely, this is directed by Mike Flanagan: bizarre in that it is not a horror movie, and that it is somewhat hopeful and upbeat. But it being Mike Flanagan we get a fucked up hand and a selection of cameos and supporting parts from Carl Lumbly ("Doctor Sleep"), Jacob Tremblay ("Doctor Sleep". Please watch "Doctor Sleep"), Katie Siegel ("Hush", "Oculus", "Oujia: Origin Of Evil", "Gerald's Game") and Karen Gillan ("Oculus"), and even a soundtrack by the Newton Brothers. It's an experimental fare: told in three parts, in reverse, switching genres each time from melancholic apocalyptic drama to extended musical sequence and finishing on a longer coming-of-age story; incredibly unusual and something of a curveball as a film. It's pretty good for the most part.
The switch and mix-match of genres is an aquired taste, and for some it may go on too long in parts 2 and 3, but personally I enjoyed them. They slotted together nicely and with care, the film shot in a way which captures the vividness of King's writing: we're caught with those details, little things leap out at us. It's a remarkably poingnant film about how when we die, we remember not what we choose to but random moments in life: there is no rhyme or reason to it, and that is what makes these moments wonderful. A dance. A sound of a tap. Sharing a moment with a woman (Annalise Basso) having the worst day of her life and just intrinsically knowing it will get better. My favourite scene, and the one which got me choked up, is the one with Flanagan's partner Katy Siegel as Miss Richards the hippie teacher not cut out for the school system explaining what Walt Whitman's "I Contain Multitudes" means: people who change our life (especially in the schooling system) are there all too briefly, they'll vanish in a moment, existing only as a briefly vivid light in the skies of our minds.
Mia Sara (much missed!) is wonderful, as is Mark Hamill as a grandfather; and "Miss Rohrbacher" is the most Stephen King name in recent memory. It's a sweet, soaring, whimsical film.
We indeed contain multitudes.

"Weapons" - Review

At 2:17AM, seventeen children rise from their beds in Maybrook, sprint away into the night, and disappear. As the town reels, attempts to make sense of it and come to terms with what has happened, they attempt to lay blame: every child was from a single classroom of new teacher Justine Gandy (Julia Garner), and one child remains (Cary Christopher), clueless as to what happened. Wracked with grief and confusion, the town spirals, and we watch a dark mystery unfurl from multiple perspectives...

(Piture Credit: Bloody Disgusting)
I was so, so, so excited for this. Off the back of "Barbarian" (my second favourite film of that year), I was all too eager to see where the wild, unpredictable Zach Cregger would go.
Fucking hell yes.
Abso-fucking-lutely yes.
Told in a "Rashomon" style (an absolutely fantastic choice and creative idea) the film keeps that unpredictability and slipperiness of "Barbarian", as a mystery unfurls across several perspectives. The horror begins as a ruinously effective, somewhat bleak, human element: a town tears itself apart and delves into its base instincts, blaming innocent people, transforming it all into a witch hunt. It's great shit. And Cregger remains grounded not just in the human elements (Josh Brolin sleeping in his missing child's bed and screwing up at work, whilst his wife angrily tells him "she's going to work", cold and with a wedge driven between them by this tragedy) but in horror too: I was genuinely gripping my seat, unsure where it was going, what was going to happen, and driven to anxiousness by the simplicity of an average American suburbia draped in darkness and evil behind its walls, like a David Lynch painting shot by a documentarian. Is this person approaching Miss Gandy in a shop during an excruciating long take here as a grieving mother blaming her, or something far more dangerous?
It's excellent with the atmosphere, and flickers between 6 perspectives fluidly, crossing over and overlapping wonderfully, whilst ending each on a genuniely great "what the fuck?!" moment. I don't want to spoil too much, because the mystery is genuinely fun, though when it settles on a resolution, it loses steam in the 6th perspective and drags a little too long (it could have been halved) despite doing a good job delving into abuse and how it's behind closed doors, though the absolutely barmy and energetic 3rd act pulls it out of the bag and salvages it.
The performances are excellent across the board, and Cregger has a firm, solid, equally excellent grasp on characters: Garner plays Miss Gandy as a messy, kind of flawed and all-too-relatable human being; Josh Brolin is exceptional as the grieving father Archer Graff, who has a wonderful arc with Gandy and I ended up REALLY worried for him in the final act; Alden Ehrenreich (I'm happy he shows up!) plays a local cop and is great; and Benedict Wong man, Jesus fucking Christ... He'll haunt me forever. June Diane Raphael shows up too! Sweeeet! Toby Huss as well, in a cool supporting role.
It's great fun.

"The Naked Gun"

Do you really need anything here?

(Photo Credit: The Hollywood Reporter. I need to do this more often. Apologies.)
It was fucking funny, a great, wild time, just an old-school comedy of joke after joke after joke, and I was consistently giggling my tits off. Highlights include a particularly unhinged snowman sequence, a deranged jazz performance from Pamela Anderson, and a conversation with the barman. Puns, slapstick, wordplay, rule-of-three and more, there's comedy for everybody here.
Great time.