"In the Lost Lands" - Review

In the distant post apocalyptic future, a witch (Milla JovoWITCH. Eyyyy!) makes her living granting wishes to others. To accomplish one such wish: she ventures forth into the lost lands of yore, accompanied by a mysterious snake-slinging stranger (Dave Bautista) to hunt a shapeshifter.

More hot trash from Paul W S Anderson!
The movie is exactly what you expect from him: a soupy CGI pile of nonsense and madness (Milla Jovovich outruns a Crusader train and kick flips a man in a bus, before using fire to fend off tree-monster people in a power plant) aimed squarely at 13 year old kids with its mish mash of Goth and religious imagery (Jovovich fights with retractable druid scythes, which is cool, and the main villains are a post apocalyptic oppressive church who dress like crusaders of old), and a simple enough story about buddy cops in the wastes leading into an anti-establishment revolutionary tale. It's absolute nonsense, all green screen and cliches, with rather broad performances across the board. And you know what? I'm okay with it. This kind of thing is absolutely harmless, and par for the course with Jovovich and Anderson, an extended form of foreplay where the latter shows off his hot wife (here covered in tattoos and spin kicking people) and the former gets to do what almost no woman over 40 is otherwise allowed to do in Hollywood: be an action movie heroine. It's actually kind of refreshing and good for the eco-system of films in many regards: pure pulpy fun, and Bautista (in between diversifying his portfolio of performances and proving himself to be an excellent actor) gets to play a gunslinging badass for a few weekends. I don't mind it at all. Meet it on its own low brow, pulpy nonsense terms and as one of the works of Paul W S Anderson, and stick around to hear Bautista yell "Bitch killed my snake!".

"Mickey 17" - Review

In the not too distant future, a down on his luck schmuck named Mickey Barnes (Robert Pattinson) is in deep debt to the ultimate loan shark. Alongside his only friend and skeezy business partner Timo (Steven Yeun), he signs up to a colony ship to escape from Earth. But whilst Timo gets recruited to be a pilot, Mickey finds himself enlisted as an "expendable" - somebody whose job is to be cloned and killed again and again to do the dangerous jobs "worthwhile" people cannot be risked on. His adventures in space bring him into orbit with the incompetent science team, the ship's manaical failure of a tyrant Kenneth Marshall (Mark Ruffalo), his gourmand wife Ylfa (Toni Collette), kind hearted security officer Nasha (Naomi Ackie) and, most troubling, himself (Robert Pattinson), in this satirical tale of class, fascism, capitalism and dehumanising effects of the three.

The follow up to "Parasite" shares more in common with my favourite of Bong Joon-Ho's works: "Snowpiercer" and "The Host" (watch that if you haven't had a chance to already: a fun and different take on the monster movie), in that it leans into science fiction and cute critters, whilst family drama goes onto the backburner it is and military/governmental incompetence at the forefront this time around. It weaves and bobs and dips and dives through various events and genres pretty fluidly, I was never bored: one moment we're having Mickey attempting to survive an ice planet, then it's his previous forms and how he got here, then a relatively sweet relationship with Nasha and the way things work on the ship (hint: they don't. Capitalism doesn't work), before it kicks into high gear and its final act becomes colonialism (summed up with in a literal speech given by Ackie, who's excellent in this) and why it's bad. Its themes are not merely set dressing, they tie into the plot and humour as well: from the shitty printer of Mickey and his constant deaths with no regard for his humanity (he's injected with viruses to create vaccines, and people realise it's cheaper to just kill him and toss him away than bring him back safely in one piece) to the constricting confines of the ship and its cold, mechanical machine invoking "Snowpiercer" and abbattoirs in general. The food and slaughter imagery are good standbys actually, I like them a lot (particularly when Toni Collette comes into it all at the end with her need for "fancy sauces" and seeing sentient beings merely as exotic delicacies, much like how she views people) and the film's performers are also strong to boot. Pattinson is joining the ranks of our Goblin Boys (for reference: Nicholas Hoult, Skyler Gisondo, Billiam Skarsgaard, Johnny Knoxville and Sabrina Carpenter) officially after this excellent turn as the titular Mickey: he differentiates between the two with simple body language and looks, and also brings what can only be described as "Johnny Knoxville energy" to the part, it's most entertaining; Ackie is on a tear between this and "Blink Twice"; Ruffalo plays a delightful send up of grotesquerie and fascists, and the supporting parts are lovely too (Tim Key and Thomas Turgoose are in this!), they all have a lovely moment or too. It's less confined and not as tight as "Parasite", "Snowpiercer" or even "The Host", but its ambition works in its favour and I recommend the movie.
Also it has the funniest dinner party sequence in years.

"Opus" - Review

There is an enigma in the pop world, a celebrated genius who defined the decades, and his name is Moretti. He does neither interviews nor press releases, instead announcing his albums through a VHS release from his agent (Tony Hale) and letting the work speak for itself. This time, Moretti (John Malkovich) is inviting a select group of journalists to experience the album and Moretti. Overlooked aspiring writer Ariel (Ayo Edibiri) doesn't believe the hype, and is along for the ride in this odd commune Moretti has concocted, attempting to figure out when it goes beyond art and becomes dark...

The movie's soundtrack is done by Nile Rodgers: that fact alone absolutely rules. It sounds like something you would believe is the "genre defining" sound of an era, and I would happily listen to this funky stuff for hours on end. The casting of Malkovich is also pitch perfect: he's an actor weird and unusual enough that we believe him as this oddly compelling cult musician but also enigmatic enough to be a compelling mystery in his own right - we don't quite know where he's going and which side of the fence he's on. He really works, especially when performing the bizarre funky music and sexual dances for it. These are bangers.
And Ayo Edibiri is a wonderful straight woman to proceedings: she is drawn into this culty world of celebrity and worship of the "auteur", and is the only one to have read the press releases, the only one to question them whilst her colleagues uncritically absorb it all and relish the celebrity musician's time and efforts: a cute and notable little detail is her mirroring her overbearing boss Stan's (Murray Bartlett) dress sense and being relegated to note taking, whilst also being the only one to actually talk to the people present.
The movie, however, spends too much time stradling twin lanes without committing to one, until it's too late and it falters. We know it's going for a culty atmosphere and there's some excellent horror (a puppet show about Billie Halliday is a personal highlight) including a pretty creative shot of a fight scene with a door, letting the imagination and tension build there; whilst Amber Midthunder (on something of a tear as of late, and I'm excited for "Novocaine") has a fun turn as one of the more intense members of the commune. The fact that Moretti is an eccentric celebrity and recluse makes the reason these star-fucker journalists are staying make sense, and Malkovich is a compelling performer; plus I enjoy the use of the CCTV shots, there's a few spooky parts there. But when it finally chooses to be about the horror and dread angle as everything goes wrong: we've not had a chance to get to know the other journalists. I swear, despite the excellent Juliette Lewis being one of them, I didn't know their names, and they had each had maybe 4 lines iat most? They did their best with the material, but the focus seemed lacking.
But I still err on the side of recommending it, as I rather enjoyed the ending and the ambition.
It ends on a somewhat sinister note about celebrity worship and evolution, and honestly a nice parallel to "Vengeance" and that movie's commentary on society adoring and forgiving criminals and famous people (particularly in today's... climate). Its ambition and reach exceed its grasp for a debut film, but that's refreshing with so many churned out slices of "content" and "product" from studios, and it doesn't always work, but it's a respectable debut from Mark Anthony Green.

"The Monkey" - Review

Twin brothers Hal and Bill Shelburn (Theo James) grew up with a monkey on their backs. When they grow up estranged, Hal is deliberately keeping away from his son Petey (Colin O'Brien) and keeping his head down; but during his week with him he receives a call from Bill, telling him that The Monkey is back and they are the only ones who can do something about it. And they'd better act fast, because people tend to start dying when that monkey is around...

This was funny, a pitch black screwball whackadoodle comedy which reads like Osgood Perkins wanted to lighten up a little after making "Longlegs" (which still absolutely rules); so he smoked a couple of joints and made a "Final Destination" movie. It embraces the absurdity of not just its premise, but death itself, becoming about the insanity and randomness of mortality as well on its road trip father son adventure. The gore is fantastic, and the entire film is shot just like "Longlegs" (which I still prefer, but that's me), which adds a further deadpan nature to it yet still keeps some truly nightmarish and ghoulish imagery. The original short story is straight forward fare, so I actually rather appreciate the unusual direction this adaptation was taken in.
It's very much as "stick along for the ride" funhouse kind of horror comedy, and I rather enjoyed it.

"Heart Eyes" - Review

for the last 4 years, the mysterious "Heart Eyes Killer" has been on something of a tear across 4 different cities in America: killing couples on Valentine's Day at a swift pace. This year they have targetted Seattle: beginning their new reign of terror with an attack on a proposal at a winery. In the midst of all of this, marketer Ally (Olivia Holt) is in hot water because her latest advertising campaign themed around doomed lovers is seen as exceedingly bad taste. Her firm flies in hotshot freelancer and wunderkind Jay (a bloody excellent Mason Gooding) to help right this ship. As the grumpy and cynical Ally and the romantic carefree Jay try to come up with ideas over dinner, they are mistaken for a couple by the killer, and are in for the night of their lives...

This movie fucking ruled.
More than living up to its mish mash of genres (a slasher movie and a rom com), it happily adores and plays up both of them. We get a deliciously bloody, fun opening murder lit and played like every corny rom-com from the 2000s, followed by a legitimately witty and charming odd-couple mish mash with the leads (who have electrifying chemistry) going about their evening, learning about each other and genuinely feeling like endearing characters. Mason Gooding has been wasted in movies up until this point, and relishes the chance to spread his wings, and continues the iron clad rule that cast members from "Booksmart" improve every movie (see also: Skylar Gisondo, Molly Gordon, Kaitlyn Dever, Beanie Feldstein, Eduardo Franco and Noah Galvin). God I love Mason Gooding in this - he gets a fucking hilarious scene in a police car... And this is the first project I have seen Olivia Holt in, and I can absolutely see her having a wonderful future in romantic comedies if she wanted to: she bounces wonderfully off of Mason Gooding and carries the movie well. The rom-com is romantic and LEGITIMATELY funny, the writers (of the ever excellent "Freaky" and all time classic "Happy Death Day" and "Happy Death Day 2 U") use every opportunity to add subversive jokes rather than simple quips, and tying them into the two genres: be it a compliment given to Jay merely to justify why he was abandoned to the killer, a romantic smashing of a window turning bloody and painful (side note: watch "The Nice Guys") or both Jay and Ally telling the killer "we're not a couple! Fuck off and kill someone else!"; even the reveal of the killer's identity feels like a pisstake of movies with seemingly arbitrary identities of their murderers (remember "The Raven" starring John Cussack? Of course you don't). It's a good rom-com, then the slasher movie kicks in, and it becomes a great rom-com (my fiancee described the blending of genres as "sterling silver out of regular silver" and I cannot agree more), with a constant tug-and-fro between its leads and a perpetual sense of fun, never feeling like it is dismissive or derisive of the genres it is loving and playing with. Sure, the killer suffers a bit because the economy of conservation of characters mean you have few suspects to choose from, but even that is played for not one but two aforementioned jokes. It's great stuff, a worthy addition to the canon of both genres, and a fine effort from the writers involved. I will happily add this to my Valentine's Day rotation, as well as watch it alongside the ever-fun "Freaky" and "Happy Death Day" (and its arguably better sequel). Highly recommend it for its comedy and energy, great date night movie, and one of the few genuinely great films I've seen this year so far.
There's also a "Hobbs and Shaw" joke tailor made for me.

"The Last Showgirl" - Review

On the Las Vegas strip, an ancient show is drawing to a close. Le Razzle Dazzle is closing down after decades on the strip. Shelley (Pamela Anderson) is concerned for her future, and offended by the end of a tradition; whilst co stars Mary-Anne (Brenda Song) and Jodie (Kiernan Shipka) look to the future. Complications arrive for Shelley in the arrival of her daughter Hannah (Billie Lourd), whom she abandoned years ago...

The narrative here is good: Pamela Anderson relishes the part, understands the character inside and out, and has been chomping at the bit for something like this. I'm not actually familiar with Pamela Anderson's roles outside of "Borat" (not being Chandler Bing or Joey Trebbiani), but her image as a "talentless bimbo sex symbol" has been plastered across the world, broadcast and branded into the flesh of popular culture for years now. So honestly this was a long time coming and I'm glad it happened: she plays Shelley well as not some Saint or tragic figure, but a 3-dimensional mess. Shelley is a deluded relic, drifting in the modern day, but also simultaneously aware of her own legend as well as exaggerating it, she's inconsiderate but also maternal to her fellow dancers in place of the daughter she left. There's depth to the character and Anderson plays it well, this was always going to be a showcase for her talents. Shipka and Song are strong too, particularly the former, in their supporting parts and I am happy to see them getting work. Jamie Lee Curtis appears as a properly washed up, gambling addicted cocktail waitress friend of Shelley, given the humorous parts, and almost overplays it but manages to reign it in just enough to threaten to steal the show.
But it's Dave Bautista who gets the finest hour, in my eyes, in another piece of consistently inspired casting: I've loved that he's taken on more dramatic roles and weirder projects, and here gets the scenes which resonated with me the most. He plays the old lighting technician and possible old fling of Shelley, and has a wonderful scene in a restaurant. He underplays the part wonderfully.
[insert snide remark about my favourite part in a movie by and about women being the token man]
I am delighted that Bautista is getting this kind of stuff, great job man!
However.

You knew it was coming! The script betrays its routes as a stage play, and not in a good way.
Some of the dialogue (particularly with Billie Lourd, unfortunately, an actor I like - watch "Booksmart") is stilted, and simply actors describing a scenario and their thoughts on it and each other. Or a few rather clunky exposition lines, dropped like hand grenades.
Combined with the shooting, which is done on film and comes across like a dreamy attempt as Cassavattes movies or Sean Baker (who is thanked in the credits) works with sunny skyline shots, it is a strange brew indeed, but the rawness maybe will add to it for some people? Personally I wanted it to be grittier (it's at its best when it's backstage with the dancers, having them in benign evironments or tearing their costumes whilst dressed so garishly) or emotionally rawer/subtler in its dialogue (Shipka gets an excellent scene on Shelley's doorstep, and the diner scene with Batista is a personal highlight, as is his meeting Hannah). Enough of it works that I think it's going to land (there's a great scene where Jamie Lee Curtis gets hammered and dances on a table to "Total Eclipse of the Heart", capturing her early glory, and it cuts between the asinine, lonely life of Bautista's Eddie and Anderson's Shelley practicing in front of the television, that's the highlight, this baroque over the top celebration of glory over a deep rooted sadness) and it aims for a tragic tone, but the scripting prevents it from truly soaring.
What's here works though. Come for Anderson, stay for her, Bautista and Jamie Lee Curtis.

"Love Hurts" - Review

Marvin Gable (the wonderful Ke Huy Quan) is a jumper-sporting estate agent who loves his life, bakes heart-shaped cookies for his staff, and absolutely adores his job. But he has a secret past which comes a-knocking, when the mysterious "Rose" (Ariana DeBose) returns to his life, on the run from Marvin's evil gangster brother Alvin (Daniel Wu), whom Marvin used to work for. Now, this Valentine's Day, he has to succumb to his old skills in order to fend off assassins and get his life, and his love, back...

I'm delighted to see Ke Huy Quan headlining an action movie, that's wonderful. He relishes the part, they play with his role in "Everything, Everywhere, All At Once" (his glasses and certain scenes are shot like a Wong Kar Wai movie, flashbacks of him with slicked back hair look like a Tony Leung gangster movie, there's a fight with a bubble tea straw) and he is loving life.
The movie is still frustrating and he deserves better.
The first 20 minutes are fun, great even: a mash up of 2000s romcoms and old-school Hong Kong action movies, the shifts in tone are fun, the occasional spouts of blood are not too jarring, and it's pretty funny. Mustafa Shakir turns up as a poetry-spouting, quill tossing assassin named Raven and is good fun; whilst Lio Tipton (whom I love) has carved a niche for themselves between this, "Crazy Stupid Love", "Warm Bodies" and "Mississippi Grind" as "quirky supporting character who is the best bit of the movie", this part would have been Aubrey Plaza 10 years ago, and by sheer dumb luck Tipton happens to feature in every scene which is good. They also get a lovely, fun goofy subplot with Raven, and alongside Shakir sells it. Marshawn Lynch (watch "Bottoms") and European Henry Rollins lookalike Andre Eriksen play a pair of rather amusing henchmen and have a very good fight sequence in a house, one of the highlights and showcases of Ke Huy Quan.
Then the middle of the movie happens.
It nosedives quickly, with some of the absolute worst dialogue and clunkiest exposition of recent memory grinding it to a halt, all in service of a plot simultaneously boiler plate boring, needlessly intricate and complex, and told/done almost entirely off screen. It grinds things to a halt, subtracts from the energy Ke Huy Quan had been bringing, takes valuable time away from the comedy (and Tipton, God Damn it Hollywood!) and fight scenes; it's exceedingly frustrating. A few sessions of rewrites could have streamlined this and made it a lot more coherant and cohesive, but as it stands it's a clunky steam train to tedium. Which is even more of a shame because those glimpses of greatness leap forth in the final act: Tipton and Shakir's act climaxes, there's a bombastic shootout and knife fight in a house, there's colour on screen and wonderful jokes, and it knows what it wants to be in the finale. Unfortunately the wasted potential of Act 2 means that the great stuff is buried and the poorer stuff which would be forgivable or charming (the age gap and lack of chemistry between Quan and DeBose, the non-threatening villain given to Wu who tries his best, the superfluous Cam Gigandet character) comes further to the surface and drag it down.
It's a shame really, it's a frustrating movie I wanted to work a lot more than it does, particularly with its genre mashups.