I've asked that if one must remake movies, they remake bad ones and try to get them right: once again a finger on the monkey's paw curls...
The original "I Know What You Did Last Summer" is one of the more famous efforts where 90s horror films are concerned, and has aged about as well as milk on a radiator: it's tacky and lame and has the suspense of a deflated trapeze artist holding a wet kipper, only remembered for its cast and possibly a chase sequence involving Sarah Michelle Gellar. Nobody likes or remembers its two sequels.
Yet do not let that dissuade the makers of this film! They shall milk nostalgia wherever it may lie: the introductions of Freddie Prinze Jr and Jennifer Love-Hewitt are most egregious, sweeping dynamic camera shots to soaring scores, but then give them little to do until a limp wristed attempt at the end which comes out of nowhere and really seems to do disservice to the characters. A chase sequence happens in an old warehouse of floats (you know movie, I should be watching "Thanksgiving", you're right!) including the one from the aforementioned chase sequence, and Sarah Michelle Gellar appears in a dream sequence to speak not to the main character of the film, but a different character who shares Gellar's role as "best part of the film" (though I get ahead of myself), whilst the new cast even visit the graves of previous victims. A particularly unctuous, odious "true crime" podcaster (it's a tortology, I know) even sports a t-shirt with Gellar's face and proclaims "I love your work!" to the killer - it's almost a pretty good satire there! But again, I could just watch the blood-curdling "Halloween" movie... None of this fawning, worshipful nostalgia comes from a place of love, and none of it matters because the script is dreadful.
It's actually refreshing to have a movie where you can pinpoint its flaws to a single issue. Don't get me wrong, this is not a "Five Nights at Freddy's" situation wherein I belive that the entire written word was a mistake and that I want to question if Scott Cawthon has ever interacted with a person; but until that movie's sequel comes out I don't believe I'll see a worse written one this year: lines about "beta males" and "keys to my crypto wallet" help me to pinpoint the exact year this was written, and often when the dialogue is not exposition it is clunkier than The Tin Man doing a pole dance
If you watch enough bad movies or slashers in general like me (first of all I'm sorry, there is hope for you) then you can sort of dissect how they work as you're watching them, which is already a bad sign that the film is dull and not engaing me: and here it was a case of me immediately calling who the killer was the moment they were introduced. (Hint: it's an early character who is given a backstory but otherwise gets nothing to do, and who is present but of screen for all of the big chase moments and kills. I'l admit it was better done than the school sequence in "Thanksgiving", so touche there movie). The dialogue is particularly heinous, save some genuinely funny lines from Danica about new age healing and wellness, and even established names and reliable hands like Billy Campbell and Freddie Prinze Jr are stuck with some true clunkers. Or even structural issues stand out:
We're introduced to Chase Sui Wonders (I like her, and she does what she can in this, but Simon Rex and Mikey Madison could not save this dialogue) in what I thought was going to be a throwback to "Scream" with a fakeout as to who our lead character was going to be, only we're stuck with Garth Marenghi dialogue and clunky lines of exposition after she talks to a mirror for a bit about her dead mum (which never comes back, neither does her dad) and heads off to Danica's house. Provisionally, Ava is the main character of the film.
But Danica instigates the plot, investigates much of it, is the one to receive the note, and gets the chase sequence and dream sequence with Sarah Michelle Gellar. Danica also receives an arc in the form of her improvements as a human being and her developing relationship with the shitbag Teddy, which actually becomes quite sweet over the course of the film. Danica is also the most entertaining to watch and follow by a country mile, and is elevated beyond the 2-dimensional shitbag she would have been in earlier movies (I like the little bit where she's fleeing a killer and stops immediately to take off her heels to run better, it's oddly clever and such a simple touch) with her developed arc and actually really endearing, funny dialogue. Chase Sui Wonders (who again, is great when she's in stuff, even thankless roles like this) gets some bisexual representation early on (I think?) which feels more like tease and titillation than any sort of relationship or character, and gets to chat with Jennifer Love-Hewitt.
It does not help that by far and away Madelyn Cline is so unironically good in the role of the New Age, "empath", materialistic rich kid queen bee Danica that she carries the movie and kind of saves it with her performance? She's actually infuriatingly good in this.
I don't want to shit on the director (Jennifer Kaytin Robinson) who has some great sweeping shots and to be fair never makes the film boring, she paces it well and has a few interesting ideas in the melting pot.
Plus (maybe incredibly importantly for this) a couple of the kills are good, and there's only CGI blood at the Sarah Michelle Gellar sequence, but it's not worth your time as a slasher movie. Watch it for Madelyn Cline (genuinely one of my favourite performances of the year) but maybe stick with "Clown in a Cornfield" or "Final Destination: Bloodlines" and "Heart Eyes" from this year alone.
Fuck Cline is amazing in this, it makes me angry.
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