I hate Terrence Malick with the firey passion of a thousand burning suns. It started when I saw Tree of Life to see what the fuss was about and then... I died a little inside. It was like watching one of those spoofs of a French arthouse movie. I felt nothing, there was no "inner beauty" or "depth of the soul". Malick was not "naked before his audience" as Ebert described in To the Wonder (also terrible) but simply seeing if he could film random crap and get away with it.
Thus here is a not very good parody, based on a Facebook status of mine I came up with in the early hours of the morning.
Star Trek Into Darkness is a great movie and I saw it recently, so it seemed a good idea to spoof that first. Of course it won't matter, Malick has no bearing on it. He is to cinema what Hetalia: Axis Powers fans are to anime fandom.
Scene 1: Space
Camera pans across night sky
Monologue:
"Stars. Glitter like my soul. Shine like her eyes. Stare into me. Star... Stare..."
Enterprise moves across the screen, the camera glimpses it briefly.
Scene 2: On board.
Spock and Uhura sat at a dinner table.
No words. The beauty is here.
Uhura is smoking a cigarette
Spock's eyes say it all
(Nothing)
Scene 3: The Bridge
Kirk looks out the window, his eyes fixated upon the stars, like his soul is fixated upon adventure.
Slow pan across the machinery and consoles
"Father..." he whispers.
Scene 4: Engine Room
(Scott's scenes were cut)
Scene 5: Space
(Long takes of space and planets)
Scene 6: Earth
Admiral Buckaroo Banzai sits at a desk with his daughter. They are both reading books.
Banzai looks at his daughter over the glasses
Close up of Alice Eve's face
It says all it needs to say
Scene 7: Planet
Dinosaurs
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