"The Toxic Avenger - Unrated" - Review

In the corrupt, rotting city of St Roma, the chief industry is a heavily polluting pharmaceutical plant. It is here where widowed mild-mannered janitor Winston Gooze (Peter Dinklage) works to support himself and his stepson Wade (Jacob Tremblay), until a horrifying accident transforms him into a toxic beast ready to avenge himself upon the town that has wronged them!

(Photo Credit: IGN)
This is a movie tailor made for me.
The original Troma "classis" is the cornerstone and touchpiece for their brand of trash, outsider mayhem and gross nonsense, I proudly have Lloyd Kaufman's autograph, and a copy of the film in a trashy DVD on my shelf. I've listened to the musical multiple times (the only one I've done so outside of the Golden Age classics) and just adore this kind of outsider art. And when Macon Blair (behind the fucking excellent underrated genre-bender "I Don't Feel At Home in this World Anymore"), star of "Blue Ruin" and "Green Room" was announced to finally be the one going ahead with this long-squelching remake, my interest was piqued.
With my bona fides out of the way, let's get this part done with: There's nothing quite so Hollywood was taking an underdog cult trash classic piece of punk outsider art and remaking it glossier and with bigger stars; though it has Kaufman (now best known to the kids for his appearences in James Gunn movies) and Michael Herz behind the producing wheels, it still was stuck in development hell. Oh Hollywood.
It was always going to lose some of that lovably incompetent, wild, anarchic jank in the transition. That being said:
I fucking loved this.
From the opening shots being an overly Gothic-lit office with "Award for Good Journalism: Melvin Ferd" (the name of the lead in the Toxic Avenger musical) and him being played by Shaun Dooley (Barnsley represent!) before a bunch of weirdly dressed, chicken-headed, clown-make-up clad, parkour-flipping goons burst in and start trying to murder: I felt that Macon Blair has the same love for this movie as I do.
What follows is bloody, stupid, punky, outrageous, bloody, gory, stupid, juvenile, bloody and campy, with lots of gore and stupid blood to push things to the limit.
Dinklage cuts a man's face in half, revealing a pulsating brain, with a radioactive mop.
The chicken man gets a fucking fantastic gross pay off.
Kevin Bacon (embracing his weird era in films, side note watch "Super" and he's super fun in "Elephant White") hams it up to the extreme with his deliberately snarling, cartoonish dialogue.
Elijah Wood, also relishing his weirdo era, plays a put-upon "Igor" esque brother to Bacon, complete with atrocious hair and cane.
Peter Dinklage proclaims: "Alright, I need to get my dick out!".
Said dick is actually Chekov's gun.
At a murderous "post-hardcore punk" concert, reaction shots consist of flashed titties and penises.
The transformation into the titular creature is a deliberately 50s style psychadelic throwboack with headshots and swirling screens, done to the Mozart monster theme, you know the one.
It still has the outright gall and audacity to be an underdog story, a corporate satire, and a commentary on the American healthcare system (not a subtle one, but, come on man... we're past this) in the final cut.
This movie is far better made than the original, but puts that budget and effort into being gross, stupid, ridiculous and capturing the Troma sense of humour, without the mean-spiritedness (well... almost...)
It's a niche movie for a niche crowd, but I am that niche crowd.
I was laughing a lot, and when I wasn't laughing I was beaming from ear to ear.
I want Blair to go very far after this, unpredictable career that he has.
I guess if you like stuff like "Wolfcop", "Hobo With a Shotgun", "Street Trash", "The Stuff" and "Demons", go for this!
Fuck yeah.

"Nobody 2" - Review

Long after his rough and tumble tangle with the Russian Mafia brought mild-mannered super-killer Hutch Mansell (Bob Odenkirk, which I still cannot get over) back into the game, he has been doing contract work for The Barber (Colin Salmon, nice) to settle affairs. But this has all alienated him from his family, so he decides to arrange a holiday! Alongside ballsy wife Becca (Connie Nielsen), gangly rebellious son Brady (Gage Munroe), endearing daughter Sammy (Paisley Cadorath) and unhinged father David (Christopher Lloyd); Hutch decides to head off to beloved theme park/waterpark of his youth Plummerville! But you can never fight the tides, and soon Hutch finds himself trying to simply enjoy his holiday and avoid the orbit of sleazy weirdo sheriff Abel (Colin Hanks), scuzzy owner Wyatt (John Ortiz) and mysterious maniac Lendina (Sharon Stone) - easier said than done.

(Photo Credit: Amazon Prime Video)
The first film is rather fun and a pleasant surprise where action movies are concerned, marketed largely successfully on it being from minds behind "John Wick" and Bob Odenkirk in the leading role. This one keeps that momentum going but also seems unsure where to go with it. Having Indonesian Timo Tjahanto behind the wheel adds an askew crookedness to standard Americana, which is welcome and adds to the quirk: it's a nice twist on the setup and brings spark to the tale. When blood and vicious gore of the director's previous efforts like "The Night Comes For Us" begins to get spattered across the faded All-American theme park and other such things, it's a tad jarring but spices up things.
Otherwise it's a rather busy movie, with lots of characters bouncing around the place, scheming, counter-scheming and having mini-arcs which get kind of dropped and forgotten about; and Sharon Stone's villain is given little guidance or things to do so sort of has to pull a Matt Smith in "Morbius" and make up quirk as she goes along (including a dance sequence); but the whole affair is bloody fun and comes into its own on a boat fight and during the finale at the theme park. Much like Hutch's holiday (hell, the film even uses Cliff Richard...) it's fun while it lasts, and it won't be as good as you remember when you look back on it, but enjoy the ride.
Plus RZA gets to be the samurai of his dreams in the final act and gets the best, pulpiest line against legal-requirement bad guy Daniel Bernhardt.

"The Life of Chuck" - Review

It's the end of the world. Schoolteacher Marty Anderson (Chiwetel Ejifor) watches the slow, gentle descent with a melancholic acceptance, as people take stock of what matters and madness spirals around them, peeling away all that doesn't matter and makes it all seem to small. Making events odder are constant adverts and billboards thanking a gentleman named Chuck (Tom Hiddleston) for 39 years. Over the end of the world, an extended musical number and a coming-of-age tale - a trio of chapters tell a story of a man's life in snapshots.

(Picture Credit: Cosmopolitan. Thank you for still using JPEGs)
Somewhat bizarrely, this is directed by Mike Flanagan: bizarre in that it is not a horror movie, and that it is somewhat hopeful and upbeat. But it being Mike Flanagan we get a fucked up hand and a selection of cameos and supporting parts from Carl Lumbly ("Doctor Sleep"), Jacob Tremblay ("Doctor Sleep". Please watch "Doctor Sleep"), Katie Siegel ("Hush", "Oculus", "Oujia: Origin Of Evil", "Gerald's Game") and Karen Gillan ("Oculus"), and even a soundtrack by the Newton Brothers. It's an experimental fare: told in three parts, in reverse, switching genres each time from melancholic apocalyptic drama to extended musical sequence and finishing on a longer coming-of-age story; incredibly unusual and something of a curveball as a film. It's pretty good for the most part.
The switch and mix-match of genres is an aquired taste, and for some it may go on too long in parts 2 and 3, but personally I enjoyed them. They slotted together nicely and with care, the film shot in a way which captures the vividness of King's writing: we're caught with those details, little things leap out at us. It's a remarkably poingnant film about how when we die, we remember not what we choose to but random moments in life: there is no rhyme or reason to it, and that is what makes these moments wonderful. A dance. A sound of a tap. Sharing a moment with a woman (Annalise Basso) having the worst day of her life and just intrinsically knowing it will get better. My favourite scene, and the one which got me choked up, is the one with Flanagan's partner Katy Siegel as Miss Richards the hippie teacher not cut out for the school system explaining what Walt Whitman's "I Contain Multitudes" means: people who change our life (especially in the schooling system) are there all too briefly, they'll vanish in a moment, existing only as a briefly vivid light in the skies of our minds.
Mia Sara (much missed!) is wonderful, as is Mark Hamill as a grandfather; and "Miss Rohrbacher" is the most Stephen King name in recent memory. It's a sweet, soaring, whimsical film.
We indeed contain multitudes.

"Weapons" - Review

At 2:17AM, seventeen children rise from their beds in Maybrook, sprint away into the night, and disappear. As the town reels, attempts to make sense of it and come to terms with what has happened, they attempt to lay blame: every child was from a single classroom of new teacher Justine Gandy (Julia Garner), and one child remains (Cary Christopher), clueless as to what happened. Wracked with grief and confusion, the town spirals, and we watch a dark mystery unfurl from multiple perspectives...

(Piture Credit: Bloody Disgusting)
I was so, so, so excited for this. Off the back of "Barbarian" (my second favourite film of that year), I was all too eager to see where the wild, unpredictable Zach Cregger would go.
Fucking hell yes.
Abso-fucking-lutely yes.
Told in a "Rashomon" style (an absolutely fantastic choice and creative idea) the film keeps that unpredictability and slipperiness of "Barbarian", as a mystery unfurls across several perspectives. The horror begins as a ruinously effective, somewhat bleak, human element: a town tears itself apart and delves into its base instincts, blaming innocent people, transforming it all into a witch hunt. It's great shit. And Cregger remains grounded not just in the human elements (Josh Brolin sleeping in his missing child's bed and screwing up at work, whilst his wife angrily tells him "she's going to work", cold and with a wedge driven between them by this tragedy) but in horror too: I was genuinely gripping my seat, unsure where it was going, what was going to happen, and driven to anxiousness by the simplicity of an average American suburbia draped in darkness and evil behind its walls, like a David Lynch painting shot by a documentarian. Is this person approaching Miss Gandy in a shop during an excruciating long take here as a grieving mother blaming her, or something far more dangerous?
It's excellent with the atmosphere, and flickers between 6 perspectives fluidly, crossing over and overlapping wonderfully, whilst ending each on a genuniely great "what the fuck?!" moment. I don't want to spoil too much, because the mystery is genuinely fun, though when it settles on a resolution, it loses steam in the 6th perspective and drags a little too long (it could have been halved) despite doing a good job delving into abuse and how it's behind closed doors, though the absolutely barmy and energetic 3rd act pulls it out of the bag and salvages it.
The performances are excellent across the board, and Cregger has a firm, solid, equally excellent grasp on characters: Garner plays Miss Gandy as a messy, kind of flawed and all-too-relatable human being; Josh Brolin is exceptional as the grieving father Archer Graff, who has a wonderful arc with Gandy and I ended up REALLY worried for him in the final act; Alden Ehrenreich (I'm happy he shows up!) plays a local cop and is great; and Benedict Wong man, Jesus fucking Christ... He'll haunt me forever. June Diane Raphael shows up too! Sweeeet! Toby Huss as well, in a cool supporting role.
It's great fun.

"The Naked Gun"

Do you really need anything here?

(Photo Credit: The Hollywood Reporter. I need to do this more often. Apologies.)
It was fucking funny, a great, wild time, just an old-school comedy of joke after joke after joke, and I was consistently giggling my tits off. Highlights include a particularly unhinged snowman sequence, a deranged jazz performance from Pamela Anderson, and a conversation with the barman. Puns, slapstick, wordplay, rule-of-three and more, there's comedy for everybody here.
Great time.

"Bring Her Back" - Review

When their father dies from falling over in the shower, siblings Andy and Piper (Billy Baratt and Sora Wong) are placed into the care system. Andy applies for guardianship, but cannot do so until he is 18. Not willing to be separated from the only person who means anything in the world to her, and not wanting his blind sister to be raised alone by strangers, the two kids stick together - and find themselves in the home of eccentric but beloved-in-the-community foster mother Laura (Sally Hawkins), who has lost a daughter of her own and is more than happy to take on Piper...

A bleak, harrowing tale of how grief transforms you, hollows you out and empties you, leaving you unable to recognise people, only remnants of that which you have lost and may never again have.
It's a far sturdier, far better film to the fairly solid debut "Talk to Me", and more than earns its 18 rating: It was torturous watching some of this, but never gratuitous. For the film makes sure to focus on true horror of being isolated, cut off from your support network, gaslit and betrayed by those who should trust you, being kept in the dark when horrifying things are happening. At the forefront are an excellent trio of performers: much has been made of Sally Hawkins' performance and she is indeed fucking incredible here. She gives me my favourite moment of the year, and is genuinely horrifying to watch on screen, all while being compelling, grounded, and bloody excellent in general: it's like her old Mike Leigh movies infested with demons. Yet she carries herself with a deep rooted, heartwrenching tragedy and sympathy, and is fucking so fucking good. But Baratt and Wong are not to be outshone here and should not be overlooked: Baratt (the grandson of Shakin' Stevens, fucking what?) is a sturdy, excellent lead who is put through the fucking wringer, and shows a lot of range. Wong has never acted before, and I want to see where the fuck she goes after this brilliant debut.
A gnarly, bloody, wicked film.
Don't go into it if you've had a bad day (this is weapons grade bad times), you have been warned.
It's a movie where nothing is going to be alright, nothing will ever be okay, death is random and grief will consume and destroy you if you let it.

"Materialists" - Review

In the affluent, oppulent world of high society dating in New York City, Lucy (Dakota Johnson) floats among the high-flying clientele as a successful matchmaker. At the wedding of two of her clients (her 9th such wedding), Lucy meets the groom's handsome, sexy, successful, charming and ludicrously wealthy brother Harry (Pedro Pascal), who can be more than just a good client for her. Lucy also bumps into ex boyfriend John (Chris Evans) working as a waiter as he struggles to become a successful actor, and remembers their shared past.

Following up "Past Lives", Celine Song had a monumental task ahead of her: making another movie after the kind of once-in-a-generational maststroke which we'll never get again. Obviously this was never going to be as good as "Past Lives", so for the different kind of movie that it is, it largely works without casting aside what makes Celine Song good: namely emotionally knotted, complex scenes with impeccable double-meaning in its dialogue, and scenes where the actors are allowed to breathe, stretch and say a lot with a little. Here it's more akin to a Jane Austen comedy with its wry humour, subtle wit and delightful interplay between characters as they dance around points and navigate social minefields in code: Pascal and Johnson are excellent here. Evans is allowed to stretch his acting muscles for the first time in years, and makes for a good foil in this love triangle. The classic love triangle and "defrosting materialist" are done well here, with some quite witty dialogue and a sense of longing, need, an intagiable desire, two people talking and interacting through some frosted glass, much akin to "Past Lives". When it brings in a twist in the second act, it is oddly dark for the material on display. Song is fairly deft and classy with how she handles it, and it doesn't feel gratuitous and in fact is a thing to ponder, but it still really throws off the whole affair tonally, it's something of an odd duck to have, especially when they circle back to it in the final act as a 3rd act romcom character beat.
The film's fairly well made and a good romance, with genuinely funny gags, but the 2nd act twist stops me short of fully endorsing it as much as "Past Lives".

"I Know What You Did Last Summer" - Review

Ava (Chase Sui Wonders) returns to her home town of Southport for the engagement party of her best friend Danica (Madelyn Cline) and her loud fiancee Teddy (Tyriq Weathers), surrounded by opulence and success. Reconnecting with the pair, as well as blandly inoffensive Milo (Jonah Huer-King) and fresh-from-rehab Stevie (Sarah Pidgeon), the reunion of the old friends is off to a rip-roaring start. But upon causing a car wreck due to the tomfuckery of their absolute worst friend, the friends cover it up at the behest of Danica, with the aid of Teddy's wealthy father (Billy Campbell. Nice), and attempt to move on. But a year later, the excellent Danica receives a note stating "I Know What You Did Last Summer", and a movie ensues...

I've asked that if one must remake movies, they remake bad ones and try to get them right: once again a finger on the monkey's paw curls...
The original "I Know What You Did Last Summer" is one of the more famous efforts where 90s horror films are concerned, and has aged about as well as milk on a radiator: it's tacky and lame and has the suspense of a deflated trapeze artist holding a wet kipper, only remembered for its cast and possibly a chase sequence involving Sarah Michelle Gellar. Nobody likes or remembers its two sequels.
Yet do not let that dissuade the makers of this film! They shall milk nostalgia wherever it may lie: the introductions of Freddie Prinze Jr and Jennifer Love-Hewitt are most egregious, sweeping dynamic camera shots to soaring scores, but then give them little to do until a limp wristed attempt at the end which comes out of nowhere and really seems to do disservice to the characters. A chase sequence happens in an old warehouse of floats (you know movie, I should be watching "Thanksgiving", you're right!) including the one from the aforementioned chase sequence, and Sarah Michelle Gellar appears in a dream sequence to speak not to the main character of the film, but a different character who shares Gellar's role as "best part of the film" (though I get ahead of myself), whilst the new cast even visit the graves of previous victims. A particularly unctuous, odious "true crime" podcaster (it's a tortology, I know) even sports a t-shirt with Gellar's face and proclaims "I love your work!" to the killer - it's almost a pretty good satire there! But again, I could just watch the blood-curdling "Halloween" movie... None of this fawning, worshipful nostalgia comes from a place of love, and none of it matters because the script is dreadful.
It's actually refreshing to have a movie where you can pinpoint its flaws to a single issue. Don't get me wrong, this is not a "Five Nights at Freddy's" situation wherein I belive that the entire written word was a mistake and that I want to question if Scott Cawthon has ever interacted with a person; but until that movie's sequel comes out I don't believe I'll see a worse written one this year: lines about "beta males" and "keys to my crypto wallet" help me to pinpoint the exact year this was written, and often when the dialogue is not exposition it is clunkier than The Tin Man doing a pole dance
If you watch enough bad movies or slashers in general like me (first of all I'm sorry, there is hope for you) then you can sort of dissect how they work as you're watching them, which is already a bad sign that the film is dull and not engaing me: and here it was a case of me immediately calling who the killer was the moment they were introduced. (Hint: it's an early character who is given a backstory but otherwise gets nothing to do, and who is present but of screen for all of the big chase moments and kills. I'l admit it was better done than the school sequence in "Thanksgiving", so touche there movie). The dialogue is particularly heinous, save some genuinely funny lines from Danica about new age healing and wellness, and even established names and reliable hands like Billy Campbell and Freddie Prinze Jr are stuck with some true clunkers. Or even structural issues stand out:
We're introduced to Chase Sui Wonders (I like her, and she does what she can in this, but Simon Rex and Mikey Madison could not save this dialogue) in what I thought was going to be a throwback to "Scream" with a fakeout as to who our lead character was going to be, only we're stuck with Garth Marenghi dialogue and clunky lines of exposition after she talks to a mirror for a bit about her dead mum (which never comes back, neither does her dad) and heads off to Danica's house. Provisionally, Ava is the main character of the film.
But Danica instigates the plot, investigates much of it, is the one to receive the note, and gets the chase sequence and dream sequence with Sarah Michelle Gellar. Danica also receives an arc in the form of her improvements as a human being and her developing relationship with the shitbag Teddy, which actually becomes quite sweet over the course of the film. Danica is also the most entertaining to watch and follow by a country mile, and is elevated beyond the 2-dimensional shitbag she would have been in earlier movies (I like the little bit where she's fleeing a killer and stops immediately to take off her heels to run better, it's oddly clever and such a simple touch) with her developed arc and actually really endearing, funny dialogue. Chase Sui Wonders (who again, is great when she's in stuff, even thankless roles like this) gets some bisexual representation early on (I think?) which feels more like tease and titillation than any sort of relationship or character, and gets to chat with Jennifer Love-Hewitt.
It does not help that by far and away Madelyn Cline is so unironically good in the role of the New Age, "empath", materialistic rich kid queen bee Danica that she carries the movie and kind of saves it with her performance? She's actually infuriatingly good in this.
I don't want to shit on the director (Jennifer Kaytin Robinson) who has some great sweeping shots and to be fair never makes the film boring, she paces it well and has a few interesting ideas in the melting pot.
Plus (maybe incredibly importantly for this) a couple of the kills are good, and there's only CGI blood at the Sarah Michelle Gellar sequence, but it's not worth your time as a slasher movie. Watch it for Madelyn Cline (genuinely one of my favourite performances of the year) but maybe stick with "Clown in a Cornfield" or "Final Destination: Bloodlines" and "Heart Eyes" from this year alone.
Fuck Cline is amazing in this, it makes me angry.

"Superman: Legacy" - Review

The world is coming to terms with the existence of a supreme, powerful alien being known as "Superman" (David Corenswet), who intervened in an invasion by an ally of the United States government, courting controversy with his unsanctioned actions. Billionaire Lex Luthor (Nicholas Hoult) is determined to bring him down by any means necessary, aided by technology, brains and an endlessly ambitious ego. Forces collide, with the world as their battle ground, over ideologies and symbols on the line.

The movie is a good fun, a throwback to the bright, garish, colourful Saturday morning cartoons one grew up with and would associate with Superman, and in a good way it feels like those old movies and shows designed to sell toys: Lex Luthor has a detachable spaceship in his tower, there's a revolving crystal fortress, eclectic superhero trio "The Justice Gang" do battle with intergalactic imps in the background, etc. We get things like Superman discussing things with a rather excellent Lois Lane (Rachel Brosnahan) illuminated by a battle between a neon "Dimensional Imp" and the "Justice Gang" in the night skies behind him, pretty stuff and all good fun. There's even that cute little quirk/trademark of Gunn's where he has a character (here Edi Gathegi's "Mr Terrific", a character I was unfamiliar with, showcasing Gunn's wonderful nerdy love of comic books, and here played as a genius done with life and the bullshit of idiots around him) do a creatively done fight scene well-shot, to a pop song you've not heard in years (though here the song's one I don't really like, so... great job there), and Gunn embraces the weird stuff. It feels, in some regards, very much a "Gunn Film" - harking back to his "Guardians of the Galaxy" trilogy and, to a lesser extent, "The Suicide Squad", what with its bright colours and garish pastels and overwhelming sense of anarchic glee.
The character work is strong across the board, always a strength of Gunn's:
Corenswet is endearing, wonderfully cast as Superman: he's a big joyful good boy trying to do his best, and going out of his way to save squirrels and little girls so they don't get squished in his monster battles, he dives in headfirst to resue his asshole dog (a highlight of the film, and set to become a fan favourite. Because of course he is: it's Krypto!) because "he's scared and alone". He's a great Superman, what you think about when you think of the character.
Rachel Brosnahan (fantastic name) is also marvellous as Lois Lane: she's integral to the plot, investigating and poking and solving things whilst Superman does the smashing, yet also questioning him and forcing him to confront his own actions and morality (there's a bloody excellet scene of a mockup interview between the two of them), and is not merely relegated to doe-eyed love interest or sassy quip machine, I enjoyed her very much. Her sugar scene was nice.
Nicholas Hoult was one of my favourites going in, one of the most interesting actors working today, and his Lex Luthor is suitably cartoonish, over the top, grandiose, arrogant, and a foil for all that is good in the world. He gets an excellent scene where Superman tears through his office like a hurricane and he is unfazed, and a great speech at the end about his grandiose desire for attention, humanity's need to innovate, and why he despises Superman. Lex Luthor is not "relatable": he's a billionaire who despises a man for being good. I'll save the scholarly examinatons of Superman and Lex Luthor and how they relate to current events for other blogs.

As is par for the course with Gunn: we get excellent character work even in the smaller parts, again proving the adage that there are no small parts, only small actors. Skyler Gisondo (another actor I was excited to se cast, he's great in "Santa Clarita Diet" and yet another arrow in the quiver of "Everything Gets Better if you Cast from the Booksmart Cast") is a delightfully cast Jimmy Olson, played here as a complete pussy magnet and a joy to watch, who weaves into the plot masterfully. On a similar note is Sara Sampaio (I appreciate that Gunn focuses on talent rather than names) as Luthor's selfie-obsessed girlfriend Eve, who kind of stole the show for me and got a brilliant payoff to her writing, making her more than a gag character: pictured here imprinting herself in my brain and heart forever:

Nathan Fillion shows up as Guy Gardner and nails it, the ever-wonderful Isabela Merced shows up (side note: her "Dora the Explorer" is still an all time favourite performance) for about 5 minutes as Hawkgirl and whilst I was gutted her dialogue was not entirely screeching and feral screaming she was good fun.

It's a breezy ride.
Unfortunately it is also a ride of one central paradox: it's simultaneously not James Gunn enough, whilst being too James Gunn.
I've followed Gunn's work since the start: I love "Tromeo and Juliet" and maintain "Super" is the best superhero movie ever made, hell I had him respond to me on Facebook about "The Specials" years ago. I've been in his corner forever, and so beyond happy to see him come so far and do well. He loves films, making them and creating in general. But "Superman" has been somewhat neutered of 2 of things which made him great: the anarchic blood and guts DIY filmmaking and chaos bred from the Troma mines (the CGI and backdrops and gleaming things all seem to blur together after a while), and his attention to leting emotional beats land by weaving the darkness and sorrow into the proceedings (here the characters are a tad glib and cartoony, which whilst fun does undercut it all a bit). I'm not an idiot: I'm not asking for "Superman" to be a bloodbath. The movie's constant clamouring for activity and action and fun and hijinks and jokes is never on the scale of a Marvel production (though there is a forced and somewhat excruciating joke about a Harem which feels too forced for my tastes), but it does mean that the emotional beats don't get as much of a chance to breathe. I was missing that soaring emotional high I wanted from it all in favour of fun, and it felt more like a James Gunn movie than a Superman movie in some of its dialogue, but never enough to be quite subversive. The touches were there (an alien baby so ugly it became adorable, a gang of oddballs, hints at body horror with the character of The Engineer) but pulled back a little too much. It's a good intro, and I look forward to when it can breathe properly and spread its wings.
It does well as a blockbuster and breezy fun time, its tone is all over the place, and it's a wild and crazy time. But despite my flaws and ranking of it in the middle of Gunn's ouvre (below "Super" and above "Slither"), the central messages are still good: kindness is decent, billionaires and corporations are bad, and we should (and can) all strive to be better people by remembering what makes us human. There's a lot to love, maybe too much, but it has Frank Grillo and a cameo from the golf club wielding Flo from "The Suicide Squad" too, so endeared itself to me.

"M3G4N 2.0" - Review

Years after her family-friendly toy went rogue and killed several people, robotocist Gemma (Allison Williams) has reinvented herself as an advocate for safety measures for A.I and preaching the dnagers of technology one must monitor, whilst also caring for her fellow survivor and now-teenage niece: aspiring tech developer Cady (Violet McGraw). But her life is upended when the FBI approach her seeking help in tracking down rogue robot AMELIA (Ivanna Sakhno), currently on something of a rampage against creators. Gemma, cornered and under suspicion, is forced to team up with her killer creation M3GAN once again, in order to protect herself and Cady, and stop the evil robot's killing spree...

After the surprising success of the solid, fun satire of "M3G4N", the makers have been ordered to make a sequel and thus pulled a "Happy Death Day 2 U" and hurled everything possible at the screen. Fortunately they have recruited Akela Cooper, co-writer of cinematic masterpiece and peak cinema "Malignant" to help them in this endeavour, and have doubled down on the comedy, tossing out the horror almost entirely, for a rather messy film which just about lands on the right side of amusing fun to be enjoyable. Embracing the camp was also a good idea. The second act is a mess, and the mish-mash of ideas mean it's rather scattershot in its approach, but the jokes come thick and fast, Jenna Davis is having a wonderful time as the titular M3G4N, and Jermaine Clement shows up and steals the show as a tech bro shit, which is always welcome. It's a lot bigger than the previous movie, and has doubled down on what fans ask for: there's a dance sequence, M3G4N is Saturday morning cartoon evil but with a budding "family pet" relationship which is rather enjoyable; and whilst the villain is fucking dreadful (aiming for milquetoast but coming off as limp, weak and wooden in parts) as well as predictable, it's made up for by the performance of AMELIA, who adds physicality and straight-woman proceedings to it all. The makers bring in another "James Wan Cop" turned up to 11 in the form of Timm Sharp's FBI agent, and when it goes screw-loose bananas off the reservation, it still remembers to keep it light and roll with it. The writing seems more "tossing out an idea, geting bored with it, tossing it out and moving on" than a deliberate blending of genres, but I liked it well enough. Weirdly they bring back both of the assistant comic relief characters of the first film (Brian Jordan Alvarez and Jenna Van Epps) but keep finding ways to write out the later without killing her, and keeping comedic shenanigans of the first. I enjoyed it, and I'd probably watch it on Film4 in the evening if it were on. Just watch "Child's Play" 2019 if you need this sort of thing, but it's still fun.

"Final Destination: Bloodlines" - Review

Haunted by nightmares of her grandmother Iris dying horribly, mathematician Stefani Reyes (Kaitlyn Santa Juana) returns home to clear her head, figure out what it means and try to contact the woman in question for answers. Unfortunately, a series of events shall soon befall the clan, as the mystery peels back like skin on a Cenobite's partner...

The "Final Destination" series has always been a rather silly one, at its best when it embraces the series of cartoonish stunts, improbably intricate deaths and Rube Goldberg machinations of messy mayhem. As a teenager/schoolkid you'd always hear the kids go "oh my God did you watch that movie on Channel 4 last night with the logs?! That was messed up!"
"No way! That bit with the lift!"
And it was always a race to what would be the goriest, stupidest death.
They weren't really for me, but this one manages to nail that series and is probably the best written of the bunch?
The best of the bunch previously was 2: because it had Jonathan Cherry and enjoyed the assignment (the barbed wire death remains one of the funniest) and whilst this movie seems to agree and owes a lot of debts to it (frequent passing of log trucks for the most part), it does its own thing and puts in a lot more effort than it needs to for this sort of assignment, clearly made by people who love the material. That goes a long way in my book. It begins with a very creative, fun little flashback of the entire dream set in the 60s, complete with a mini-story within about just how an obnoxious child is going to die, which perfectly sets the tone for things ahead.
The kills are creative, and peppered with wonderfully unpredictable red herrings (particular highlights are a tattoo parlour and a hospital...), whilst the usual line-up of doomed goons are not your typical horror movie dickbags. Sure, they're not given too much to do, but the family dynamic is pleasant enough, and the makers (directors Zach Lipovsky and Adam Stein, and writers Guy Busick from Radio Silence and Lori Evans Taylor who doesn't have a Wikipedia page) weave in a rather solid "reconnecting with one's family" arc for a much needed human touch and some more pitch black humour. A standout is Richard Harmon's "Eric", the eldest cousin who has rightfully been getting praise; but personally the final and only scene of the impeccable Tony Todd was my highlight: the poignancy of his death adding weight to a final farewell and send off, giving me chills in the cinema as I watched it. Farewell king.

"Dangerous Animals" - Review

Across the sunny shores of Australia, drifting vagabond/tourist Zephyr (Hassie Harrison) is here to enjoy the waves and the surfs, without a care in the world nor a need for human company. But during her travels, she crosses paths with tour director Tucker (Jai Courtney), and finds out just how dangerous wildlife in Australia truly is...

From the director of "The Loved Ones", Sean Byrne, (a good movie, twisted and sadistic yet a darkly humorous spin on the "teen prom" movie, elightfully old school sleaze. I love it) has followed it up with something in the same vein, but with a twist! I never saw "The Devil's Candy", and I really should - Ethan Embry is great.
Much akin to the very enjoyable "Heretic", a lot of the hype has been marketed around the performance of the villain - here Jai Courtney, finally getting to act rather than being funnelled into thankless Hollywood roles (remember his turns as John McClane's son, Kyle Reese and the villain of "Honest Thief"? Scratch that, remember "Honest Thief"?) and relishing it (though I do like him as Captain Boomerang, one of the few upsides of "Suicide Squid"); rightfully so in this case. Tucker is portrayed with the perfect balance of menace and entertainment value: singing "Baby Shark" and joking around with his victims from one moment, then prone to savagery and horrific violence the next - comparisons (as lazy as they may be) will inevitably be made to Mick Taylor from "Wolf Creek", which are not entirely unfounded, but I find Tucker a fun and relentlessly effective villain here. Good on you, Jai Courtney!
For he is the villain here.
It is a "shark attack" movie, but the sharks are portrayed and shot in honestly a refreshingly ehtereal, awe-inspired light: they feed because there is blood and they find the prey to resemble that which they eat. The frequent wide angle lenses ("fish eyes" if you will, har-har...) show us just how vast the ocean is (fuck the ocean, terifying place) and let them swim with grace, dignity and silky smooth reverance. They are scary creatures, but nothing is more terrifying than mankind: Tucker is a predator with nothing but darkness behind the eyes, comparing himself to sharks but with none of their beauty. I LOVED the scenes where he cruises by in his truck (already shot like a shark in the ocean) and is enraptured by passing young women, who are shot in slow motion as if they are beautiful creatures beneath the waves, prey for him to devour...
His foil is Hassie Harrison's Zephyr, who's bloody excellent in this. Her introduction is my favourite character introduction in recent memory: buying a slushie from a shop, only to tip it outside and reveal the tub of ice cream she had stashed within to keep cool on her way back to her van, showing her guile and cunning and that she's broke and in an unknwon land. She begins as guarded and defensive, a lone wolf (a lone shark if you will...) and gets put through the bloody wringer in this: kudos to Harrison, for this is the first thing I've seen her in and she absolutely nails this. If you do a good horror movie role, you're pretty much set for life in my books (Maika Monroe, Kaya Scodelario, Jocelin Donahue, etc) so I'm very keen to see where Harrison goes here.
The movie is sadistic and incredibly engaging: the narrow escapes and tantalisingly close exits are agonising, in the best kind of way for this genre of movie, and it's fantastic edge-of-your-seat stuff from a guy who knows what he's doing, utterly sold with conviction by committed performers in Harrison and Courtney. It never feels exploitative (there are wonderful touches of humanity like names on a wall, videotapes, and an honestly kind of chilling banality in the evil of showing Tucker do his nighttime routine) or sleazy and leering, and is just a rock solid cat-and-mouse game, of a man with a woman on his hook, who may be more wiley than he thought...
It gets a thumbs up from me!
Haaaaaaaaaaaaa

"Clown in a Cornfield" - Review

The town of Kettle Springs has its secrets, like all towns, and theirs are connected to mascot and friendly lovable neighbourhood clown "Frendo". For recent arrival Quinn Maybrook (Katie Douglas) and her father/Legal Eagle lookalike Dr Glenn Maybrook (Aaron Abrams), those secrets are going to come out in the open like syrup from a can, or Jacks-in-a-box...

This one comes from director Eli Craig, maker of the excellent "Tucker and Dale VS Evil", based on a book by Adam Cesare, and this kind of thing has been sorely missed. Once commonplace in the 2000s, this sort of niche "horror pisstake" made with love has a rather niche but dedicated audience. Unlike the bloody great "Tucker and Dale", the joke takes a while to settle: for the first 40 minutes or so it's a lame but rather well-made slasher movie very aware that it's lame, a sort of budget "Thanksgiving" (a good double bill to be fair) focusing on a bunch of dickish YouTube "prankster" kids Quinn (an excellently droll, extremely capable Katie Douglas in the first thing I've seen her in, good for her!) meets, and at first the joke is that none of the scares work on them because they are too jaded, which is in itself already pretty funny. But then the central joke about generational divides kicks in, and the red-herrings laid along the tracks are devoured in a conveyer belt of self-aware fun. Some of the jokes are swinging for the cheap seats (there's a good rotary phone gag), but the lowest hanging fruit is sometimes the most delicious: the final act is excellent fun, especially as the kills get better and Eli Craig brings some of that "Tucker and Dale" energy (a pitchfork kill in particular is good, one of the best and funniest since their review of "Rush" by Maneskin) to it all. Yet the movie is at its best when it is developing beyond the cliches and throwbacks of the genre: the characters are jaded to serial killer clowns, for example; and there is an absolutely fantastic reversal of that most crimson of fish in the character of "Rust" (Vincent Muller, also good in this), the hillbilly hunter. If you enjoy "Tucker and Dale VS Evil", "I Sell the Dead", "You're Next", or "Thanksgiving", you'll have fun with this.

"The Ritual" - Review

In 1928, troubled priest in mourning Father Joseph Steiger (Dan Stevens) is called into action: a young girl named Emma Schmidt (Abigail Cowan) is seemingly possessed, and an exorcism must be performed by veteran priest Theophilius Reisinger (Al Pacino) and Father Steiger is to oversee and monitor.

I forgot I watched this until I went to do the review for "Clown in a Cornfield" and saw the ticket in my wallet. Trite, by the numbers, and incredibly dull.

"Thunderbolts*" - Review

Years after the death of her sister, Russian spy and trained assassin Yelena (Florence Pugh) is now working in wetworks for CIA Director Valentina Allegra de Fontaine (Juia Louis-Dreyfus) across the world, clearing her dirty laundry. Unsatisfied with her work, and longing for something to break her free of this anhedonia, she takes one last job for the troubled director (in hot water over her various operations) to eliminate a thief at one of her facilities. There, she bumps into anti-social misfit woman able to phase through objects Ava (Hannah John-Kamen); grouchy asshole and government backed, scandal-ridden Captain America John Walker (Wyatt Russell); old friend and fellow assassin "Taskmaster" (Olga Kurylenko) and a lost young man named Bob (Lewis Pullman). Forced to work together when it becomes clear they are being disposed of, the group go on the lam and seek revenge on Fontaine, drawing them into the orbit of washed up Russian supersoldier Alexei "Red Guardian" Shostakov (David Harbour), bionic "dying inside" Congressman and former assassin/supersoldier Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan), Fontaine's various schemes, a rather dangerous individual, and Mel (Geraldine Viswanathan, forever the best thing about any movie)...

Marvel, the juggernaut studio, have been having a bloody rough time as of late. Underperforming films, a lack of direction, and a death spiral of cannibalising other people's art with this "Multiverse" horseshit (soon to come to an ugly head with the hideous, creatively bankrupt and not-starring Dan Stevens as Dr Doom "Doomsday"), coupled with a recent uncoupling from their wife-beating major arc villain have come together in a brew so noxious that one forgets they were atop the world and are still being imitated and mimicked for their style of fun blockbuster universes.
"Thunderbolts*", against the odds, comes charging out of the gate to remind us why their moves appeal and are fun, and is among their best efforts in years. They've fucking needed it.
Playing to the strengths (a fun ragtag, hodge-podge group of misfits thrust together and forced to work together) and forgoing many of its weaknesses (an over reliance on quips, weak final acts, sloppy finales, and a lack of focus) to forge something which would fit right at home with their earlier and middle efforts. It's rather refreshing just having the movie be "here's a bunch of people, attempting to accomplish a task, and bonding along the way" rather than hopping between timelines and choking to death on bloated references and groundwork for a movie about Grimmo the Taxi Driver or whatever they have going on. On paper it's an ensemble piece, but in practice focuses on Yelena's arc (there's a neat little opening involving a guinea pig in a maze, and some very "West Side Story"-esque overhead shadow shots) and, later, Bob, both of which are excellent. The movie is a fun romp, with excellent details and character bits (I appreciated Walker punching out a character late in the film, very telling and humanizing...) and Harbour's Red Guardian threatens to steal the show as the embarassing dad figure keen on them being a team so he can relive his glory days; but even the underdeveloped characters such as Ava and John get enough to feel real and grounded and have fun with the team. Refreshingly the film takes genuine swings and reaches for themes and ideas, and the final third act is entirely about mental illness and trauma, and (somewhat excellently) has the message of "one cannot cure mental illness, or deny it and despise it, it is a part of one's identity, and you deal with it through love, acceptance and understanding from those who support you and appreciate you." It was good to see.
The more I thought on it the more I liked it, even when it does the usual "fight the big explodey man", it draws back, remembers it is about characters, and rolls with the themes and punches. I appreciated this film and had a good time with it.

"Sinners" - Review

The year is 1932, and during the height of both Prohibition and Jim Crow Laws, wayward twin brothers Smoke (Michael B Jordan) and Stack (Michael B Jordan) Moore return to their home city of Clarkdale, Mississippi, with a bounty of wealth and alcohol from their time with the Chicago Outfit. Intending on setting up their own Blues Bar, they meet up with old friends, including their brilliant Blues-prodigy cousin Sammie (Miles Caton) and Stack's passing ex-girlfriend (with a bone to pick with him) Mary (Hailee Steinfeld), and begin to assemble the dream team for running the joint: legendary Blues musician Delta Slim (Delroy Lindo, always fantastic); sharecropper and big bouncer Cornbread (Omar Miller); Smoke's superstitious wife Annie (Wunmi Mosaku, who I'm happy to see coming a long way since "Moses Jones") for the position of chef; married shopkeepers Grace and Bo Chow (Li Jun Li and Yao) as their in house staff; and the brothers running the day to day affairs - things are coming up roses! But opening night coms around, and a strange guest will bring different worlds together...

Ryan Coogler has, quite rightly, performed some sort of twisted sorcery with the brokering/distribution deal for the film: managing to gain ownership of it after 25 years (a truly fucked up commentary on the state of the film industry as a whole, when one comes to think about it), as well as first cut at profits, in return for allowing Warner Brothers (the norovirus of companies) to distribute. This is fantastic news for the industry as well as Coogler, and a much-needed win for artists.
Also, the film is fucking great, which is a welcome relief and bonus.
Clocking in at just over 2 hours, Coogler's film tells a tale of black identity, grief, "passing" and the spiritual, transformative power and history of black music for the first half; and is such a fun, well observed character/period piece sumptuous with emotion and detail, that when the supernatural elements kick in during the second half and (without spoiling much) it turns into a cross between John Carpenter and a certain Lance Henriksen movie musical, it fels not only seamless but like getting two fun movies for the price of one. I could happily just watch these guys (excellently played by Jordan, though the entire cast are wonderful, and Caton is a hell of a find) simply run a bar; so when the blood starts flying and everything hits the fan, it's beyond cathartic and engaging. The big swings work (musical numbers like a barn-burning and rambunctuous rendition of "Rocky Road to Dublin", playing with time, and even a sweet cameo from a Blues legend at the end to cap it all off), because the characters and the themes do, it's an audcaious and perfectly crafted work. Sterling work from one of the better films allowed to work and have visions today.

"The Surfer" - Review

A man (Nicolas Fucking Cage) moves back to his childhood home in Australia, hoping to buy it and relive his surfing days on a picturesque beach with his son (Finn Little) and ride the waves. Unfortunately a possessive hyper-masculine local big shot named Scally (Julian McMahon) and his insular tribe of toxic lunatics aim to drive away any non-locals from the spot, and a war of wills and ever-spiralling madness escalate as macho meets morality and our surfer loses himself in the outback.

A 70s inspired psychological mind bender (right from the font of the bright yellow font of the opening credits) very much taking a few leaves from the blood and fluid spattered book of "Wake in Fright" as Nicolas Cage is put through the wringer and brought to his lowest depths. It's impeccably made, with sweltering scorching heat and wide angle fish eye lenses as reality distorts, and it morphs into a beast discussing masculinity and the feral, primal urges of onsters which society simply lets happen, and how it gives way to cult like behaviour. It's not for me (and indeed, "Wake in Fright" is the sort of movie I watch once and say "yup, not for me as great as it is!") but has a lot to love. If you're here for the Nic Cage madness/memes, it's relatively restrained in that regard (outside of him force-feeding a man a rat) and instead focuses on a damn good performance from him. The "Straw Dogs"-esque catharsis is never quite there, and it's never as bleak as something like that, but the film works tightly. It could lose the "missing identity, gaslighting into believing you're that other guy" plotline and could honestly have been tighter without it, but works with it regardless.

"Drop" - Review

Violet (Mehann Fahy) is recovering from a traumatic incident in her past and works as a single mother and therapist. She finally manages to snag a hot date with sexy photographer Henry (Brandon Skelnar), and heads to meet him at a fancy high-tower restaurant. But though the pair of them manage to hit it off, Violet starts receiving anonymous messages and images on her phone and before she can attempt to parse who they are from, they start to show pictures of her house, and demand that she murder Henry... Now she must keep the date going, keep it secret from Henry, and figure out who is sending these messages to her...

A fine effort from Mr Landon, as usual! I'm a long-standing defender and advocate of the man's works, and he's been on a tear: from writing the fanatastic "Heart Eyes" and directing a tight, fun little thriller as this, he's been on a tear this year. One heck of a one-two punch. It embraces the inherent silliness, and leans upon the dated memes angle for it all, and stays on course to be a fun little mystery, and a "how shall this character escape the situation?" kind of movie. Fahy (the first thing I have seen her in) is excellent, and Reed Diamond shows up for a little bit, hell yes! Skelnar is lovely too, and has, most essential for this kind of movie, smooth and fluid chemistry with Fahy in this. Everybody who shows up is good: the movie does that thing I really appreciate and respect where it has hired good, solid, experienced and unknown actors to really sell the piece rather than rely on big names and make money disappear, instead saving its budget for some creative little asides and camera angles to show off how far Landon (definitely up for Sweeties this year) has come as a filmmaker. I rather enjoyed it and the mystery's reveal works. Violett Beane is delightful in this as Violet's sister, and everything seems to come together nicely enough and tightly enough that I wasn't picking holes in it, enjoying it so much as I was, which is what it's out to do. Another cracker to the Landon canon, though "Heart Eyes" remains the one to beat this year.

"Death of a Unicorn" - Review

Corporate lawyer Elliott (Paul Rudd, ever reliable) has recently been widowed and immerses himself in his work. He is invited to a corporate retreat at the Leopold Estate, owned by his bosses at a pharmaceutical giant, alongside his morose vaping daughter Ridley (Jenna Ortega, always welcome) so as to assess his potential as executor of their estates. Along the way, the pair hit a unicorn with their car. In trying to hide the body, father and daughter become wrapped up in their own strained-relationship, the ambitions of head of Elliott's boss Odell Leopold (Richard E Grant, hell yes) and an ever escalating unicorn problem on the property as vengeful parents seek their spawn.

This really should have worked when embracing the madness of its concept, and indeed there are parts of the satirical part which do (the unicorns showing more care for their spawn than the Leopold clan; Will Poulter who steals the show as their idiot son, snorting unicorn horn like cocaine and having visions of the future; and the plot essentially being capitalists brutalising and slicing up the remains of something wonderful in order to secure more profit); however its lack of focus means most things do not land as well as they should. The father-daughter relationship of Rudd and Ortega lacks the pathos and warmth it needs, and the humourous parts are too infrequent to make up for the lesser scares and tension building. It's fine as is, but could have been a lot worse. I prefer a swing and a miss than generically competent.

"Novocaine" - Review

Unassuming assistant bank manager Nathan Caine (Jack Quaid) has something of a problem: in addition to his 90s protagonist name, he has CIPA: a condition which means he cannot feel pain or changes in temperature. Living quietly by himself, with a bump-proof house and videogames, his life changes for the stranger when he meets Sherry (Amber Midthunder), a new employee who seems to hit it off with him! But when the bank is robbed, and Sherry is kidnapped, Nathan chooses to take the initiative and rescue her.

I wanted this to be fun, from the trailer and the oddball 90sness of its premise, and the movie delivered. Quaid is excellent in the lead, playing an everyman oddly well despite his lineage (and looking more and more like Sam Lake every day...), and Midthunder is fun! The film never quite reaches the full lunacy of its promised premise, but it has fun with it and embraces the gore and silliness. Bett Gabriel and Matt Walsh turn up to play a fun pair of cops, adding spice to proceedings, (everything is improved by Betty Gabriel) and it was what I wanted the film to be.

"A Working Man" - Review

Former Royal Marines Commando Levon Cade (Jason Statham) has not only the most Jason Statham name, but the most Jason Statham life: he works as a foreman at a construction site under good, clean, Christian, "pulled up by his bootstraps" Joe Garcia (Michael Pena) and his wife Carla (Noemi Gonzalez), when their spunky, equally Christian daughter Jenny (Arianna Rivas) is kidnapped by people traffickers, to be sold bespoke to a vaguely ethnic sleaze. Cade must call upon his skills to rescue her, coming across Russian mobsters and more, in his quest for vengeance and good old American Christian values!

After "The Beekeeper", which he directed so poe-facedly as to make absolutely hilarious, and amazing nonsensical fun, David Ayer had been on something of a comeback for me (the line on the poster and in the trailers proudly boasting "From the Director of Suicide Squad" is not the flex you think it is, studio), and I adore Statham movies: he's the last of a dying breed in the "Action Movie Star" (well, him and Scott Adkins, who absolutely rules. Watch "Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning!"). I always know what I'm getting, I know what I'm after, and I know how to separate a good Statham from a bad, even his more experimental fare has its charms: I for one enjoy "Wild Card" as the 70s character piece throwback that it is, "Parker" is actually not too bad an adaptation, and I have nothing but praise for "Hummingbird" and the oddball casting of "Homeland".
This is going to be a ranty one, folks.
You don't see the "keep politics out of my films" crowd talking about this one, funny that...
Action movies, if you want to read into them, and especially the type of 70s macho throwbacks Statham does, are inherently right wing in their scope: a sculpted Adonis growling and snarling their way through (often foreign) bad dudes here to do bad things to our chicks and upholding that ideal of American exceptionalism (odder considering Statham is British and the kings of these, Lundgren and Arnie, are the most Swedish and Austrian men alive, but regardless) in a glorious orgy of violence. Look, I'm oversimplifying it, but if you want to look, it's always there. But I never gave a shit, because the movies are fun, or engaging on their own terms, or they are entertaining and it's never really there or prevalent and only there if you are searching for something.
So noticing it here shows how bored I was.
The movie (written by Stallone, apparently, which... huh) has a bizarre Christian overtone to it all (it's been there in Ayer's previous works, usually in the "urban gangstaness" of it all) from the large looming Christ skull bunker owned by the biker gang leader with a right-hand man named "Demon", to the frequent prayers and the weird side track where the kidnappers (honestly the highights of the movie for me performance-wise: Eve Mauro and Emmet J Scanlon, quite fun characters and performances here!) mock and sneer as their kidnap prays in the car, loudly proudly proclaiming that there is no God.

It's supremely jarring in the greater scheme of things. We have the rather... poorly done trafficking angle to contend with too, oh boy...
So, people traffickers do not spy on, kidnap and pilfer attractive Middle Class good American girls for bespoke buyers in the city, they do it in bulk with poorer migrants, simply lying about jobs in new countries. I know it's a minor thing, seemingly, and nit-picking to gripe with it, but Ayer tries to ground the affair with that usual "gritty flair" which served him (well?) in "The Beekeeper" and was in his other works, rather than leaning into the silliness of the plot as it goes on (Statham ends up doing battle with gold-decked Russian mobsters and charging a barn of sex criminals in the Bayou) so it all feels mean-spirited. Where it could be having fun with it or going for those old-school thrills of a one-man army going for gold, it instead tries to be a gritty gangster thriller with serpentine plots and betrayals and Byzantine double crosses as villains turn on each other, work for other villains and have their own ideas and schemes. It doesn't add depth, because there is none as they are still merely "wacky cartoon villains" who eat babies and enjoy sexual assault. So it just becomes flat and boring.

I'd be fine if there was a sense of effervesence or energy to the fights, but they are few and far between. So okay, maybe it's being a fun detective thriller in the interim? Also no. This convoluted plot continues to go nowhere in two places: a pair of bent cops arrive (not to be confused with the one good cop whom Statham calls for one scene and advice) and help in a kidnapping, ooh boy! Villains and a new threat for us! Only Statham never meets them and they get killed off by a crazy Russian who brings a gold plated tripod machine gun to nightclubs: for you see, killing police? That is a bad thing, even if they are bent (but one feels bad about it, so you know: all good) and thus out "morally grimy world" can't have its waterboarding hero murder police! Because that would be bad!
Oh yeah, the waterboarding.

Between this and "Expendables" (and one of the "Rambo" movies if I remember correctly) I'm starting to think Stallone has a fetish for it. There's lots of effort put into framing it and shooting it, and whilst Ayer adds a sickly green lighting over it, it's still framed as working, as great to do, as something this guy deserves, and also pretty cool. It's just another thing supremely jarringly added onto this rollercoaster with the grace of granite anal beads attached to a motorbike.
The movie has a worshipful, almost beatific belief in the supremacy of the military: not as they are, but this ideal it holds aloft. Again, a classic piece of fare for this work, but taken to extremes: the only people Statham is ever shown being nice to are David Harbour's blind woodsman (who loves the military, though he lost his eyes due to it, unqeustioningly) who supplies him with shedloads of weapons for his murders, and the Christian meth dealer biker when he finds out he was a soldier, so in between the mass murders, Statham manages to place a knife into his throat in a fight more one-sided than the finale of a Seagal flick, and pensively closes his eyes with his hands as a show of respect.

Again, its odd to see it come to the forefront after the rest of the picture, like the one-liners of Jenny when she is kidnapped. I am left bored by the fight scenes, and comotose by the detective work. Even the sillier moments are C-list at best, especially for the genre.
If you're a Statham fan, you're better off with "The Beekeeper" or "Hummingbird" and even "Wild Card". If you're into the mystery or the plot, look elsewhere.

"Flow" - Review

A cat finds the water levels rising, and attempts to escape from it. Along the way he meets various animals.

A spellbinding, gorgeous effort, and a more than worthy winner of the Oscar. Had anything happened to that cat, or that Capybara for that matter, I would have hunted down the Latvian government for sport. A beguiling and heartfelt, lovely little film about kindness and friendship

"Marching Powder" - Review

Jack (Danny Dyer) was once a likely lad, a cocky young hooligan big shot with few ambitions beyond getting annihilated off of cocaine and alcohol with his mates, getting into fights, and being a general menace. But now 45, fatter, balder and irrelevant, that may be coming to an end: arrested for a weekend brawl, Jack is given 6 weeks to turn his life around, win back the love of his wife Dani (Stephanie Leonidas) and figure out where he goes from here. Complicating matters are a crippling cocaine habit, toxic loser mates, an even worse father in law, a brother in law fresh from a mental health facility he has to look after, and the possilbe realisation that maybe he just fucking sucks.

It's going to be Marmite: it's a Danny Dyer film directed by Nick Love. Every second word is a profanity, its humour juvenile, crass and vulgar, and it focuses on lads doing lad things. It's not normally my sort of thing: most of Nick Love's work has done well to remain firmly in the 2000s (except that clip of him and Dyer promoting "Outlaw", that's timeless peak "Spinal Tap"), and going back to it is the weirdest British time capsule, even if there's stuff to love and respect about them (except "Outlaw", that is still the bad kind of throwback). Having the film be an older Danny Dyer and Nick Love in a throwback, in this day and age, is actually kind of inspired, and I appreciated that angle of it. I'm inclined to say that I enjoy this, erring on the side of respecting it. For all its faults (it still has that juvenile "lads" sense of humour, and very much wants to have its cake and eat it regard to the "coolness" of drugs and alcohol and the football hooliganism) it manages to have just enough self awareness to work. Jack understands that he is too old for this and is out of touch, and the film keeps reminding us that his "wacky" supporting mates are vile, festering dead ends and toxic rejects from society; and then it will also have few sharper things to say about how the sneering classism and unpleasantness has merely warped and twisted itself into new shells and forms (there's also a great racism joke at an art painting class, deftly showing the "middle class, progressive" racism angle). The sub plot of the "mental" brother in law feels like an afterthought, thought it has a sweet little payoff halfway through (though does keep going after that...), and the hooliganism plotline is a B-plot shadow of previous better versions of it like "Green Street", "The Firm", "The Football Factory" and even a bit of "I.D"; it's almost perfunctory in that regard and honestly could maybe have been cut (though there's a good scene in a pub when a rival comes in looking for confrontation and Jack has to bluff with his barman). I do appreciate that Dani wasn't a mere plot point or hollow empty facsimile of a character, and had actual dreams, ideas and an arc and personality. It's a low bar, true, but still a sign that people have learned that maybe women are people too, and Stephanie Leonidas is great in this. Dyer's excellent too, I've always liked Danny Dyer, here he goes a bit "Filth" and "Trainspotting", with some truly vulgar and funny lines and moments, in between darker asides to the camera and little sprinklings of societal commentary. It's not as dark as something like "Filth" (watch "Filth"), but it doesn't truly need to be: it's trying to be a movie for the lads lads lads football crowd who grew up with Nick Love's stuff. It earns its happy ending in between its swipes and jabs, though the aforementioned vulgar humour and crude mayhem is pure Marmite. It is happy wallowing in and celebrating its protagonist with some honestly good encapsulation of working class nihilism and self destruction.

"In the Lost Lands" - Review

In the distant post apocalyptic future, a witch (Milla JovoWITCH. Eyyyy!) makes her living granting wishes to others. To accomplish one such wish: she ventures forth into the lost lands of yore, accompanied by a mysterious snake-slinging stranger (Dave Bautista) to hunt a shapeshifter.

More hot trash from Paul W S Anderson!
The movie is exactly what you expect from him: a soupy CGI pile of nonsense and madness (Milla Jovovich outruns a Crusader train and kick flips a man in a bus, before using fire to fend off tree-monster people in a power plant) aimed squarely at 13 year old kids with its mish mash of Goth and religious imagery (Jovovich fights with retractable druid scythes, which is cool, and the main villains are a post apocalyptic oppressive church who dress like crusaders of old), and a simple enough story about buddy cops in the wastes leading into an anti-establishment revolutionary tale. It's absolute nonsense, all green screen and cliches, with rather broad performances across the board. And you know what? I'm okay with it. This kind of thing is absolutely harmless, and par for the course with Jovovich and Anderson, an extended form of foreplay where the latter shows off his hot wife (here covered in tattoos and spin kicking people) and the former gets to do what almost no woman over 40 is otherwise allowed to do in Hollywood: be an action movie heroine. It's actually kind of refreshing and good for the eco-system of films in many regards: pure pulpy fun, and Bautista (in between diversifying his portfolio of performances and proving himself to be an excellent actor) gets to play a gunslinging badass for a few weekends. I don't mind it at all. Meet it on its own low brow, pulpy nonsense terms and as one of the works of Paul W S Anderson, and stick around to hear Bautista yell "Bitch killed my snake!".

"Mickey 17" - Review

In the not too distant future, a down on his luck schmuck named Mickey Barnes (Robert Pattinson) is in deep debt to the ultimate loan shark. Alongside his only friend and skeezy business partner Timo (Steven Yeun), he signs up to a colony ship to escape from Earth. But whilst Timo gets recruited to be a pilot, Mickey finds himself enlisted as an "expendable" - somebody whose job is to be cloned and killed again and again to do the dangerous jobs "worthwhile" people cannot be risked on. His adventures in space bring him into orbit with the incompetent science team, the ship's manaical failure of a tyrant Kenneth Marshall (Mark Ruffalo), his gourmand wife Ylfa (Toni Collette), kind hearted security officer Nasha (Naomi Ackie) and, most troubling, himself (Robert Pattinson), in this satirical tale of class, fascism, capitalism and dehumanising effects of the three.

The follow up to "Parasite" shares more in common with my favourite of Bong Joon-Ho's works: "Snowpiercer" and "The Host" (watch that if you haven't had a chance to already: a fun and different take on the monster movie), in that it leans into science fiction and cute critters, whilst family drama goes onto the backburner it is and military/governmental incompetence at the forefront this time around. It weaves and bobs and dips and dives through various events and genres pretty fluidly, I was never bored: one moment we're having Mickey attempting to survive an ice planet, then it's his previous forms and how he got here, then a relatively sweet relationship with Nasha and the way things work on the ship (hint: they don't. Capitalism doesn't work), before it kicks into high gear and its final act becomes colonialism (summed up with in a literal speech given by Ackie, who's excellent in this) and why it's bad. Its themes are not merely set dressing, they tie into the plot and humour as well: from the shitty printer of Mickey and his constant deaths with no regard for his humanity (he's injected with viruses to create vaccines, and people realise it's cheaper to just kill him and toss him away than bring him back safely in one piece) to the constricting confines of the ship and its cold, mechanical machine invoking "Snowpiercer" and abbattoirs in general. The food and slaughter imagery are good standbys actually, I like them a lot (particularly when Toni Collette comes into it all at the end with her need for "fancy sauces" and seeing sentient beings merely as exotic delicacies, much like how she views people) and the film's performers are also strong to boot. Pattinson is joining the ranks of our Goblin Boys (for reference: Nicholas Hoult, Skyler Gisondo, Billiam Skarsgaard, Johnny Knoxville and Sabrina Carpenter) officially after this excellent turn as the titular Mickey: he differentiates between the two with simple body language and looks, and also brings what can only be described as "Johnny Knoxville energy" to the part, it's most entertaining; Ackie is on a tear between this and "Blink Twice"; Ruffalo plays a delightful send up of grotesquerie and fascists, and the supporting parts are lovely too (Tim Key and Thomas Turgoose are in this!), they all have a lovely moment or too. It's less confined and not as tight as "Parasite", "Snowpiercer" or even "The Host", but its ambition works in its favour and I recommend the movie.
Also it has the funniest dinner party sequence in years.

"Opus" - Review

There is an enigma in the pop world, a celebrated genius who defined the decades, and his name is Moretti. He does neither interviews nor press releases, instead announcing his albums through a VHS release from his agent (Tony Hale) and letting the work speak for itself. This time, Moretti (John Malkovich) is inviting a select group of journalists to experience the album and Moretti. Overlooked aspiring writer Ariel (Ayo Edibiri) doesn't believe the hype, and is along for the ride in this odd commune Moretti has concocted, attempting to figure out when it goes beyond art and becomes dark...

The movie's soundtrack is done by Nile Rodgers: that fact alone absolutely rules. It sounds like something you would believe is the "genre defining" sound of an era, and I would happily listen to this funky stuff for hours on end. The casting of Malkovich is also pitch perfect: he's an actor weird and unusual enough that we believe him as this oddly compelling cult musician but also enigmatic enough to be a compelling mystery in his own right - we don't quite know where he's going and which side of the fence he's on. He really works, especially when performing the bizarre funky music and sexual dances for it. These are bangers.
And Ayo Edibiri is a wonderful straight woman to proceedings: she is drawn into this culty world of celebrity and worship of the "auteur", and is the only one to have read the press releases, the only one to question them whilst her colleagues uncritically absorb it all and relish the celebrity musician's time and efforts: a cute and notable little detail is her mirroring her overbearing boss Stan's (Murray Bartlett) dress sense and being relegated to note taking, whilst also being the only one to actually talk to the people present.
The movie, however, spends too much time stradling twin lanes without committing to one, until it's too late and it falters. We know it's going for a culty atmosphere and there's some excellent horror (a puppet show about Billie Halliday is a personal highlight) including a pretty creative shot of a fight scene with a door, letting the imagination and tension build there; whilst Amber Midthunder (on something of a tear as of late, and I'm excited for "Novocaine") has a fun turn as one of the more intense members of the commune. The fact that Moretti is an eccentric celebrity and recluse makes the reason these star-fucker journalists are staying make sense, and Malkovich is a compelling performer; plus I enjoy the use of the CCTV shots, there's a few spooky parts there. But when it finally chooses to be about the horror and dread angle as everything goes wrong: we've not had a chance to get to know the other journalists. I swear, despite the excellent Juliette Lewis being one of them, I didn't know their names, and they had each had maybe 4 lines iat most? They did their best with the material, but the focus seemed lacking.
But I still err on the side of recommending it, as I rather enjoyed the ending and the ambition.
It ends on a somewhat sinister note about celebrity worship and evolution, and honestly a nice parallel to "Vengeance" and that movie's commentary on society adoring and forgiving criminals and famous people (particularly in today's... climate). Its ambition and reach exceed its grasp for a debut film, but that's refreshing with so many churned out slices of "content" and "product" from studios, and it doesn't always work, but it's a respectable debut from Mark Anthony Green.