"In the Lost Lands" - Review

In the distant post apocalyptic future, a witch (Milla JovoWITCH. Eyyyy!) makes her living granting wishes to others. To accomplish one such wish: she ventures forth into the lost lands of yore, accompanied by a mysterious snake-slinging stranger (Dave Bautista) to hunt a shapeshifter.

More hot trash from Paul W S Anderson!
The movie is exactly what you expect from him: a soupy CGI pile of nonsense and madness (Milla Jovovich outruns a Crusader train and kick flips a man in a bus, before using fire to fend off tree-monster people in a power plant) aimed squarely at 13 year old kids with its mish mash of Goth and religious imagery (Jovovich fights with retractable druid scythes, which is cool, and the main villains are a post apocalyptic oppressive church who dress like crusaders of old), and a simple enough story about buddy cops in the wastes leading into an anti-establishment revolutionary tale. It's absolute nonsense, all green screen and cliches, with rather broad performances across the board. And you know what? I'm okay with it. This kind of thing is absolutely harmless, and par for the course with Jovovich and Anderson, an extended form of foreplay where the latter shows off his hot wife (here covered in tattoos and spin kicking people) and the former gets to do what almost no woman over 40 is otherwise allowed to do in Hollywood: be an action movie heroine. It's actually kind of refreshing and good for the eco-system of films in many regards: pure pulpy fun, and Bautista (in between diversifying his portfolio of performances and proving himself to be an excellent actor) gets to play a gunslinging badass for a few weekends. I don't mind it at all. Meet it on its own low brow, pulpy nonsense terms and as one of the works of Paul W S Anderson, and stick around to hear Bautista yell "Bitch killed my snake!".