Statham is among the last of a dying breed: the action movie star. We used to get the box office showdowns of Arnie VS Stallone at the top, then on the B-Tier (the better stuff, honestly) JCVD VS Dolph Lundgren, or if you were unlucky, Chuck Norris VS Any Actor. But too late we realised there was space for both in this world, and thank you to Statham and Scott Adkins for keeping the spirit of this alive.
This is a back-to-basics, completely unhinged and wacky Jason Statham script, but channelled through the "gritty urban edge" filter of David Ayer, so played 100% straight making it even funnier and 1,000 times more entertaining.
It tries to channel "John Wick" and every Seagal movie ever made: a stoic, quiet badass living a normal life just wants to get on with it, but then some bad guys do wrong and he embarks on this path of vengeance, with a competent action star in the lead who could do this in his sleep; only there are colourful 80s and 90s henchmen and supporting characters to fight, and even the villains are given the same "sane man subordinate" having to babysit "idiot boss" vibe of that film. There are some bright, colourful, honestly well lit set pieces; the FBI agents honestly had funny dialogue and made me laugh (one of them gets Statham/gravity-induced concussion and introduces himself as "Federal Bureau of Something, you know the deal") and feel like they're ripped from a fun 90s movie. They even tie into the plot, weirdly, and their storyline jusssssssssssst straddles the line of endorsing vigilante justice without going there or being weirdly right wing. Honestly the first part of the movie is oddly Boomer-preachy: characters ranting to the screen about these evil selfish call centre thieves stealing from the elderly, which is "worse than stealing from a child" because there is nobody to bat for them. Continuing the "John Wick" vibes: Jeremy Irons prattles about "you can't stop Beekeepers!" because "Beekeeper" was also the name of the covert government agency Statham worked for, but "Beekeeper" is a very silly thing to call it.
But then the movie fucking rules?
Honestly, the script goes completely off the range mental and escalates into, no joke, minigun battles in a petrol station, and a full frontal assault on the home of the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES (played by Jemma Redgrave for some God damned reason), with the balls to explain why there are so many fucking henchmen and goons at these call centres Statham is genociding. He hurls jars of honey at a person's head. It's unhinged, sheer Statham lunacy, and everybody plays it pitch perfect: special shoutout goes to the first guy at the call centre (David Witts) who is bringing mad "Jordan Belfort" energy and just an oily shitbag; and then the comically evil Enzo Cilenti who wears a suit made up of the word "GOAT", carries a gold microphone and tells everybody around him to ignore the mercenaries demanding it be shut down because "WE'RE HERE TO MAKE MONEY!"; the villains are cartoonishly evil, and even Minnie Driver shows up for 2 scenes to sic an assassin on Statham, then go "fuck it, you're on your own!" when that fails. But special praise must go to Josh Hutcherson, here making up for being the lead in the second worst movie of last year by playing Jake Paul. A crypto-douche smarmy shitbag wank stain in bleached blonde hair, belittling his protectors, demanding his minions keep making scam calls despite the murders going on, constantly taking drugs, skateboarding everywhere, and being into "wellness" and "New Age" song bowls and shit. It's like every scene he went to Ayer: "How can I make him shittier?". The movie also keeps introducing henchmen, with build up and characterisation, only to have them Punked, and finally settle on (correctly) a colourful zany South African mercenary with a prosthetic leg in the final act.
And throughout all of this, David Ayer is a terrible choice, who thus makes him the PERFECT choice. He shoots everything with that grim, gritty, "urban gangsta flava" (thank you Lindsay Ellis) style, with big soaring horror music every time The Beekeeper is mentioned, some fucking fun gore effects and brutal kills and people burning to death, the sort of grit and edge and cops-in-army-gear poe-faced seriousness which makes every single thing around it even funnier. Kudos. Kudos movie.
I had an absolute whale of a time, and get everything I wanted and hoped for. I can't even mention half of the insane shit here.
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