The perfect crescendo to the "DCEU" experiment: it's bloated, hacked to pieces, rushed, overloaded with CGI, a lack of focus and underbaked storylines. It doesn't know what it wants to be about, lacks a constant throughline, and even screws up who its final villain is: tossing aside Black Manta in favour of a largely unseen Sauron knockoff with CGI backdrops and a motive which puts me to sleep. It encapsulates the whole thing perfectly.
I wouldn't know that James Wan (fond of Baroque madness and Gothic horror, and the goofy, weird side of things) had directed this unless you told me, even though Patrick Wilson gets possessed by a monster. Hell, the character development and screen time goes to the wrong character: Randall Park's Dr Stephen Shin, a henchman/reluctant ally of Black Manta who just wants to see Atlantis, and struggles with this situation he has found himself in over the course of the film, before deciding which team he is on. Honestly, that works, unequivocally: Shin is the only character I was actively rooting for, the only guy I wanted to survive and would have felt emotions about had he died, and it came close a few points. Kudos Randall, and that's a good little character.
But why is the focus on him, and not, you know, our leads? Why is it not "Tango and Splash"?
Because here's the thing:
The movie is not good, not really, but I can sort of talk myself into maybe, sort of, kind of defending it.
The props and sets (where they DO exist) are a 50s retro-futurism matching the "Flash Gordon" vibe of the first one, and there are things like an underwater fish pirate haven market, which could be a delightfully goofy mad-libs set piece.
But again, it's rushed.
On paper, the buddy cop adventures of proud, haughty, fallen-from-grace Orm and his douchebag Jock brother Aquaman should soar, and true to form those are the parts where the movie threatens to get good: Wilson and Momoa try their best with the material and the underwritten banter. If it kicked in earlier, and was the focus of the film, it could have worked. I appreciated the "what is this puny human world? Your realm lacks the grandeur of mine!" energy: it could have been the fun, campy siliness we needed. It comes together a bit at the end with a gag about trying human food.
Patrick Wilson fucking Naruto-runs in this movie, which may be the greatest thing caught on camera, and I unironically adore it, and that will be my takeaway from it: that is a little snapshot of how good the film could have been.
Dolph Lundgren and a crab-king voiced by John Rhys-Davies return in the last act for attempts at an epic, with large scale battles and "I'll hold them off!" moments, and a whole "You're alright after all, kid, maybe I was wrong about you..." part: again, holdovers from a better script, and a focus on some characters much missed and very much needed. Hell, the movie throws back to the introduction of Aquaman in the God-awful "Justice League" movie where he was shown rising from the water to dubstep, by having a FUCKING TERRIBLE dubstep cover of "Born to be Wild" over the ending credits, a throwback which I think only me and like, Wan caught. The rest of the score is nice though, there are some funky, weird theremin jams, and it feels weird and wacky.
Is the movie about Aquaman learning to be king? No, that is sort of thrown aside.
Is it about the importance of family?
Well, not really, his wife is written out, his son is a plot device kidnapped by Black Manta, and I've already talked about his brother stuff.
Is it the revenge of Black Manta? Well again, no: he's replaced by a character I did not even know was played by Pilou Asbaek until that one flashback of him in human form, not a good sign (side note: I watched "Overlord" again and that fucking rules).
Is it a wacky romp? I wish it were, it threatens to be that.
This has the hatchet of corporate mandated drama and horseshit behind it, and whilst there was never a forgotten, misunderstood masterpiece beneath it: it would have been nice to see something.
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