I'll return with Hamlet in LOL/Chav Speak at some point, but for now I shall give you yet another gritty reboot of action movie cliches and terrible one-liners, this time from everyone's favourite show: Pokemon! Like most things on here, this started as a joke which got out of hand.
Scene 1: Wreckage of a mansion.
Officer Jenny: What's the situation?
Cop: Not much, patrol are still going through, trying to find something useful. Some lady reported it last night, said she saw a great white light before the entire place went up. By the time she got here, it was this.
Officer Jenny: Gotta be SILPH...
Cop: Huh?
Officer Jenny: Never mind. Tell me when you find something...
Scene 2: An old man in a lab, talking
Oak: We need to stop them. He's gone too far! Get me a team, assemble them any way you can, we need to put a stop to this before it's too late! I've got a few names for you to start with. They're rogues, they don't play by the rules, but they get the job done...
Scene 3: Ash and Pikachu are in a field facing off againt a Team Rocket grunt and his Zubat
Ash: Pikcahu! Thunderbolt!
Pikachu: God damn it man! Stop telling me what to do!
The Zubat and Pikachu duke it out, the latter being unused to fighting something so fast. But eventually, he triumphs by grabbing it in a bear hug and crackling with electricity. Ash, meanwhile, has a fist-fight with the Rocket Grunt, showing off his moves and finishing him with an uppercut.
Ash: Nice work Pikachu! You hurt?
Pikachu: Nah, too busy kickin' ass. And doin' all the work as usual.
Ash: Hey!
Pikachu: You know it's true.
Ash: Now Rocket, talk
Grunt: I'm just a grunt! I know nothin'!
Ash: Bullshit! Pikachu, wire yourself up to his balls, we're gonna get something from him...
Grunt: Alright! Giovanni's back in town! He's startin' to make his move, something big!
Pikachu: There, that wasn't so hard? Was it?
Grunt: Now please! Let me go!
Pikachu discharges electricity, the Grunt screaming in agony before falling unconscious. They catch sight of an old man walking towards them.
Ash: Who are...?
Old Man: No time to explain, the professor sent me...
Scene 4: Oak on the phone
Oak: The next ones are a long shot, untested, untried, but they've got talent...
Scene 5: Outisde a gym. Officer Jenny is there with Misty, talking on a radio. A crowd is gathered behind them, with police and barriers holding them back.
Officer Jenny: Are you sure there's no way we can get in through conventional means?
Misty: It's my gym, officer. I know it better than anyone.
Officer Jenny: He's holed up tight in there. We have no choice.
Misty: No! They're rookies!
Officer Jenny: You got any other ideas?
Misty: No...
Officer Jenny: -Into her radio- Send in the Squirtle Squad.
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