"Cuckoo" - Review

Teenage musician Gretchen (Hunter Schafer) is struggling to move on from the death of her mother. What she doesn't need in her life right now are her father (Marton Csokas, not a villain for once), stepmother (the ever wonderful and sadly underused Jessica Henwick) and sister Alma (Mia Liu) moving across the world to a German Resort Hotel in the Alps. She doesn't want this weird Dr Konig (Dan Stevens and his Meg Foster eyes) being weird, and DEFINITELY doesn't need the strange goings on around the resort...

Neon have done it again, folks!
After the fucking terrifying "Longlegs", they have helped bring us a fable of European horror, tinged with the surreal, thoughts and imagery on motherhood, found families, genuine tension, and a trans lead whose transness is never part of the plot, or even remarked upon except in this review. Refreshing!
But fuck that!
You're here for:

It's the STEVENS VARIETY HOUR BABY!
Honestly, this movie is fucking excellent fun. Not "Abigail" fun, and not as good as "Malignant" for all of that movie's lunacy, but a checklist of madness and unchecked nightmarish insanity all the same.
Dan Stevens wielding a German accent and a rifle in the world's shittest gunfight as he screams about "breeding" does not even make it into the Top 5 list of weird ass shit to occur in this movie.
It's that kind of madness.

I have so many of these.
This movie has it all!
French lesbians!
Eggs!
Birds!
The traumas of motherhood in the nature versus nurture debate!
Dan Stevens in a German accent!
Raincoat monsters! (Who can genuinely fucking do one, they spook me out)
Dan Stevens!
Hunter Schafer telling everybody that this shit is fucking weird, man!
Dan Stevens!

I love this movie.
It makes for an excellent double bill with "Hatching", for all of that European energy and quirky humour.