"Glass Onion" - Review

During the great lockdown of 2020, a selection of puzzle boxes arrive on the doorsteps of various members of high society: men's rights Twitch streamer Duke Cody (Dave Bautista), current Governor and environmental candidate for the Senate Claire Debella (Kathryn Hahn), scientist Lionel Toussaint (Leslie Odom Junior), fashion icon and socialite Birdie Jay (Kate Hudson), and mysterious business mogul Andi Brand (Janelle Monae). When solved, they reveal invitations to the private island reunion of laid-back billionaire Miles Bron (Edward Norton), who meets with his "disruptors" every year for the last 10 years for fun, thrills and games. This year he has prepared an intricate, weekend long murder mystery for them to solve! But things are not as they appear: in addition to the tensions and awkwardness amongst the group, they are joined by another guest: the debonair and dashing detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig). And when something goes very much awry on the island, his services may be required...

To say that I was excited for this is an understatement of unmeasurable proportions. "Knives Out" is a slippery, playful, fun, endless delight of a film which holds up to many a repeat viewing, and may be the best thing Rian Johnson will ever make. This is not quite that, but gives us so, so, so much more of what that movie had to offer. It's so MUCH more, it's the "bigger and better" kind of sequel, another excellent murder mystery to boot. The characters are an utterly delight to follow: watching a bunch of high-society shitheads bicker and bond and pull apart and keep secrets, all under the gaze of the biggest shithead of all: Bron. The characters are a delight to follow, and the actors relish in their parts: chewing on dialogue and scenery alike, just like in the first mystery. The grander scale allows for slightly more eccentric folks, but in the context of obnoxious success and the ultra rich on a desert island, they don't come across as charicatures, rather the same examinations of upper-middle-class arrogance from the first film but filtered through EVEN MORE money and just escalated. Dave Bautista as a men's rights activist (living in his mother's basement) gets a lot of laughs (especially in the beginning), but for me the highlights were Kate Hudson as a constantly cancelled, posting racial slurs, airheaded fashion designer; and her put-upon straight-woman assistant Peg (an excellent Jessica Henwick, who gets a flat "what" at one of Benoit Blanc's lines, which absolutely kills me) - consistently getting laughs and stealing the show. The rate of humour and jokes and witty asides, observations, callbacks and planting-payoff is awe-inspiring, and this is some magnificent scripting work across the board.
It remembers that it is a murder mystery, and it's a damn good one. I was happy to call it, remembering that the "Glass Onion" in question is something with many layers, but the core is visible at all times...
Yet despite the FREQUENTLY funny moments, at its core (hah!) there is still a story about how we idolise billionaires for absolutely no reason, and when you peel back that layer of idiocy, you see the stupidity was always there. In its explosive, bombastic conclusion, where the murderer is revealed, we are happy to have been hoodwinked by the film, yes, but there's also a righteous anger to it all.
100% recommend

"Confess, Fletch" - Review

Investigative journalist Irwin M. Fletcher (Jon Hamm) is renting a house in Boston, and upon returning to it discover the corpse of a young woman in the living room. Immediately calling the police (who are perplexed as to why he is reporting his own rather obvious crime), our sharp-talking journo investigates what the hell is going on and who is trying to frame him...

This movie is electrifying script-work on display. Matching its protagonist's razor wit and rapid-fire neurons, it is a throwback to 50s screwball comedies of old, akin to something like "His Girl Friday" or fellow throwback and favourite of mine "Big Trouble in Little China". Every scene is a rapid-fire joke-fest, and not simply quips or put-downs but genuinely witty wordplay, interplay, barbs and verbal spouts. It's a fine return to form for Greg Mottola (director of "Superbad" and "Adventureland"), and for comedies in general: relying on wit and rapport rather than awkward improv and just a breath of fresh air. It's tightly paced, well-written, and the sheer number of jokes (not seen since "Booksmart") mean that it never flags or falters, and if you don't like one then then next will likely land. Or more accurately, as you are halfway through giggling your tits off at one, you'll miss the set-up of the next and try to calm yourself just in time for the next zinger. It goes along so rapidly and wonderfully that I forgot Robert Picardo was credited in this until he showed up, you have to be a great movie to do that.
Hamm is wonderful in this, and very much not Chevy Chase: which makes him 10x better for any project, including being Chevy Chase.
Izzo is great fun and always welcome in movies, and Marcia Gay Harden has been soreley missed in movies: here playing a deliciously campy Italian countess. Cameos and supporting parts aplenty have fun (Kyle MacLachlan is an art dealer who has raves to EDM in his house, which may make this the best film of the year), and whilst there is a funny role for Annie Mumolo as a stoner neighbour (who bounces off of Fletch wonderfully) and Lucy Punch and Roy Wood Jr (a socialite and slow cop respectively), Ayden Mayeri threatens to steal the show as Junior Detective Griz. Naturally, being a funny and sharp movie which casts talented performers over big names, and relies on jokes and tight scripting rather than memes, it is bombing hard.
This is criminal.
Please watch this, if only because it will REALLY piss off Chevy Chase.

"Watcher" - Review

Julia (Maika Monroe) moves to Bucharest with her partner Francis (Karl Glusman), as he has gotten a promotion. Whilst Francis goes to work, for many an hour, Francis is left alone with her thoughts. In a foreign country with no friends, no connections, not speaking the language and in a rougher part of town; Francis starts to believe that something is very wrong, and that one of her neighbours is watching her. And reading about a serial killer on the loose certainly doesn't put her mind at ease...

This is a well-crafted, slow burn, minor key pot boiler. More specifically it is a better rehash of Giallo flicks than Edgar Wright's "Last Night in Soho", with an emphasis on paranoia and the genuine dread that comes from being in an unknown land, all alone and feeling like you are constantly in danger.
The cinematography is gorgeous, director Chloe Okuno has an eye for windows and the simple touches of paranoia, and there is something intrinsically sinister about a silhouette in the window. It's not attempting to reinvent the genre, so it simply plays it bloody excellently.
Monroe is, as always, excellent and welcome in any film.
The camera lingers, lets the scene breathe, and the dread is always there, always creeping in, always present. We really get in the shoes and mindset of Julia, and feel that same feeling.
Look, if you're going to just remake "It Follows", I'm not going to complain! Hell, this one puts a spin on it.
Burn Gorman shows up in the opening credits, so you know who the villain is. And as good as the last act is, I'd have much preferred him to just be a weirdo!

"Drive My Car" - Review

Yusuke Takafu (Hidetoshi Nishijima) is a stage actor and director who specialises in multi-lingual productions of classic works. His world is shattered when his bloved wife and muse Oto (Reika Kirishima) passes away, and he tries to move on. Years later, suffering from glaucoma in his eye, he is brought on to direct an adaptation of "Uncle Vanya", and assigned a young driver named Misaki (Toko Miura) to transport him. Despite his misgivings, he loves the project, and this guarded man comes to terms with his grief and secrets of his path through bonding on the frequent car journeys with the mysterious but dependable Misaki...

The synopsis is simple, but the movie is deceptive like that. Yes, it is a character piece between these two adrift, lonesome souls on long car journeys, but that's only a piece of the puzzle. This movie is getting a lot of hype, and indeed picked up a "Best Picture" nomination and victory for "Best Foreign Language Film" at the Academy Awards (apparently "Parasite" is enough, we've had our fun with "non-English" movies, they should know their place), and I can see why. It's bloody long, but (refreshingly) doesn't drag. We're not talking "Zack Snyder" here.
It's pensive, slow, and deliberate, with lingering shots and marvellous cinematography (it's particularly good that director Ryusuke Hamaguchi and his cinematographer Hidetoshi Shinomiya don't make us feel trapped or claustrophobic in the car, but quite the opposite: quite free and open, oddly) so it should be a wank-a-thon mile-a-minute pretense ride.
But I loved it. It's a mesmerising movie about sadness and communication (a lovely dinner table scene with Park Yoo-Rim's sign-language fluent actor is just wonderfully sweet) and how it leaves us adrift. It's about loneliness and happiness in equal measure. Simple gestures like our 2 leads trailing cigarettes together through the sun-roof, or sharing a quiet drink in a tiny noir-bar are immeasurably important to them. It's affecting, touching, and deeply engaging. Yes, it's bloody long, and only tends to drag in the third act slightly, but everything up here is still warm and all too human. Particular shoutout goes to the 50 (!) minutes of build up so that we understand the relationship between Yusuke (Nishijima is a subdued and marvellously understated actor) and Oto (Kirishima makes her far more likeable and complex than would be the case in lesser works), and the pensive ending gives way to an emotional stage montage which is really, truly earned.
I genuinely get the hype, and was happy that it lived up to it, and it's going to affect different people in different ways. I recommend it.

"Castle Falls" - Review

Castle Heights hospital is finally being torn down, years after being officially closed. But inside this decrepit old monument is a stash of $3,000,000 belonging to the imprisoned crime boss Damian Glass (Robert Berlin). Berlin has made a deal with prison guard Richard Ericson (Dolph Lundgren) - Ericson can have the cash (which he needs to pay for his daughter's treatment) if he gets him a better cell with fewer stabbings. Ericson comes to grab it, but has 2 complications: out of work cage fighter Mike Wade (Scott Adkins) is on the demolition team, and has discovered the money, and ruthless gang of Neo-Nazis have arrived on site to seize the money, which they claim to be theirs... As the explosives are planted and the building evacuated, these 3 parties have a mere 90 minutes to get the money, and with this ticking clock there will be explosive confrontations...

A direct-to-DVD action movie directed by our star, Dolph Lundgren (who has earned the nudge-nudge wink-wink "Lundgren Construction" banner on the wall, touche my man) which is exactly what you want it, need it and expect it to be. It's competently made, overcoming a shoestring budget with a fun central premise and the always welcome legendary Scott Adkins (who I am delighted is keeping the action-movie star line alive, and is the one shining star of straight-to-DVD movies nowadays, actual legend that man is) to liven things up. The villains are fun and whilst it's nothing you've not seen before, it's actually going above and beyond what you expect from the usual dreck that the likes of Seagal is pumping out. You can tell that Lundgren wants to be here and wants to do this, and Adkins is great in anything. Ida Lundgren turns in a surprisingly sweet and nice performance too.
It's cheap, cheerful entertainment, and honestly I'm just happy to be getting another action movie this year, they seem few and far between

"The Banshees of Inisherin" - Review

During the Irish civil war of 1923, the people of Inisherin live a quiet and quaint existence. This is shattered for local farmer Padraic (Colin Farrell) when his best (and perhaps only) friend, grouchy folk musician Colm (Brendan Gleeson) abruptly ends their friendship. Padraic tries to figure out why, and falls deeper and deeper into despair, whilst the community itself tries to meddle and recover too.

This is classic McDonagh, but playwright McDonagh more than film McDonagh. A "feel bad comedy" which, and I cannot understate this, is VERY funny (it has the best joke about a bread van I have ever heard in my life, and it was a welcome respite for my tense cinema) but undercut and intrinsically woven with a pitch black story about divides, the meaning of friendship, and our own dreadful existential realisations. Fun stuff.
Classic McDonagh! There are excellent little touches (the sound of gunfire and explosions on the mainland during a confrontation, other characters reading the paper regarding the civil war, and trying to figure out who will win and why they are fighting) and some great supporting turns (Kerry Condon is excellent) but it remains largely a 2-man show with a fantastic Farrell and glorious Gleeson. They flip dynamics, play off of each other, get one up on each other, and own the stage (for this, despite its cinematic flair and trappings, is still very much a stage play) in this petty, narrow minded game. In the end nothing matters, none of this does, and it's gruelling as a result.
The ending has no real closure, it ends on a bleak note, and I would expect nothing less from McDonagh. We as people don't make sense, we're irrational, we hold grudges, we're petty, we're pretentious, we're casually cruel.
It's excellent cinema.
But maybe watch a nice light hearted affair afterwards, to rinse the taste.

"See How They Run" - Review

The year is 1953, and Agatha Christie's "The Mousetrap" is celebrating its 100th performance with a bang: sleazy blacklisted Hollywood director Leo Koepernick (Adrien Brody) is here to make a film adaptation. But Koepernick, disliked by just about everybody involved with the play and making a fool of himself at the party, puts a spanner in the works when he ends up murdered backstage. Assigned to the case are the world weary cynical Inspector Stoppard (Sam Rockwell) and an eager, excitable and rather keen Constable Stalker (Saoirse Ronan). Together they have a struggle on their hands: not only must they contend with each other and their mismatched personalities, but also who solved this murder!

This is a delightful, droll and exceedingly British afternoon romp.Knowing and nudging without being smug or insincere about it, it comes across like a love letter to murder mysteries. Its use of "The Mousetrap" is both a creative setpiece and period detail; and adds to the meta-textual playfulness of it all. Opening with a film noir narration by a suitably sleazy and deliciously oily Adrien Brody talking about how he hates murder mysteries and "whodunnits", like all good ones it gives a clever viewer the killer in the first few minutes and then justifies why with it was indeed that person you thought little of.
The supporting cast are strong, from a campy David Oyelowo to a prickly Ruth Wilson and Reece Shearsmith, to an always welcome Tim Key as the chief of police and national treasure Shirley Henderson immediately elevating proceedings for a cameo as Agatha Christie. Rockwell is always wonderful, and here plays his droll best, and is wonderfully counterbalanced by an all too eager and rather amusing Ronan. The transitions and audience-knowing interweaving of the plot and its mechanics never get grating, and make for a bouncy ride.

"Barbarian" - Review

Tess (Georgina Campbell) arrives in Detroit for an interview, but when she turns up at her Air BNB she finds it double-booked and inhabited by Keith (Bill Skarsgard). She has nowhere else to go, and ends up having to crash with him on that rainy night. She's in for the night of her life...

Please watch "Barbarian".
Alright, I'll give you more than that.
It's a wild ride, unpredictable, nuts, bloody, and rather fucked up.
It also features some truly excellent performances, oddly from Justin Long, and Richard Brake doing what he does best: turning up to be primally, viscerally upsetting for about 5 minutes.
Fuck I love this madness.

"Hellraiser" - Review

Recovering drug addict Riley (Odessa A'zion) is at a low point in her life, but trying to get better. She has moved in with her estranged but sensible brother Matt (Brandon Flynn), his lovely boyfriend Colin (Adam Faison) and their flatmate Nora (Aoife Hinds). After tumultuous arguments and temptations to get back on the wagon, her fellow addict boyfriend Trevor (Drew Starkey) has a plan: they can steal an imported collector's item belonging to reclusive strange millionaire Mr Voight (Goran Visnjic), sell it and make off like bandits, especially since Voight died in mysterious circumstances and won't miss it...
But when they open the shipping container, all they find is a luscious, mysterious puzzle box. And when they open it, Riley is haunted by visions of... something (Jamie Clayton), and she will be introduced to mysteries and wonders beyond the deepest, darkest desires of mankind...

"Hellraiser" has had a rough time over the years. Since maybe "Hellraiser 2", it's had maybe the worst sequels of any big horror movie franchise (I'm including "Leprechaun" in that list). At least "Friday the 13th" had a couple of gems, and "Nightmare on Elm Street" had 2, 3 and "New Nightmare".
This is very much a return to the bloody, depraved, oh-so-horny form that we love Clive Barker for, and keeps true to the mayhem and mauling of his libidinous original vision. It's a gnarly, bloody, raucously fun trip into the depths of depravity, with some truly excellent new Cenobite designs, some wonderful gore and kills pushing the limits of what we've seen so far, imaginative weirdness, and the always wonderful Jamie Clayton (whom the movie really blue-balls us on, to its benefit) putting in an excellent performance as The Hell Priest and getting most of the best lines. Riley gets a fantastic role-reversing moment to switch things up when the Cenobites seem to be dominating them, and the puzzle box hurts you the more you solve it, making you WANT to obtain the prize. Special shoutout to the underrated Goran Visnjic, who gets one of the most painful moments in the film, and plays a truly reptillian character, he's excellent.
It's what you want from "Hellraiser", and I reccommend it to fans of the series, as well as those new to it.

"Vengeance" - Review

Pompous dickbag columnist Ben Manalowitz (BJ Novak) lives the life of a carefree playboy bachelor in New York, exceedingly proud of his "Blue Check Mark" on Twitter. He receives a phone call one evening as he spends time with a conquest of his, tearfully informing him that his girlfriend Abilene (Lio Tipton) has died. He's confused, who is Abilene? He frantically searches his phone for any clues, and comes across a casual fling. Not wanting to be rude, he agrees to come to Texas for the funeral, where he meets her family: bullish brother Ty (Boyd Holbrook), her mother Sharon (J. Smith Cameron), her savvy film maker sister Paris (Isabelle Amara), her wannabe celebrity sister Kansas City (Dove Cameron) and her little brother "El Stupido" Shaw (Eli Abrams Bickel). Awkwardly trying to fit in, Ben is told emphatically by Ty that this wasn't an overdose, that Abilene never touched drugs, and that, as her boyfriend he is part of the family and they should team up to get vengeance on the sick sons of bitches who did this. The Texas way. Ben, oily weasel that he is, realises that he may have a story here. His proudcer (Issa Rae) agrees, and so this city boy begins to lie and weasel his way into the lives of a grieving family, to seek vengeance for a girl that none of them may have actually known at all...

Apologies for the longer than normal synopsis there, but there is more to this one than the simple tale of "revenge". From that setup, we get something which goes under the skin: a fish-out-of-water, "Dear Evan Hanson"-esque tale of an utterly pretentious wanker shitbag using a grieving family and his tenuous connection to their dead child as a way to wax lyrical and try to get a Pulitzer prize with his shit podcast. It's actually quite good stuff, including a very funny awkward eulogy at Abilene's funeral he makes up on the fly, Ty mistaking Ben's reticence for grief, and then punctuated by Ben being allowed into the family's home and Abilene's room to stay, where he and the audience are reminded that this is a real person with real wants, needs, dreams and loves. It's an effective gut punch. The film then has fun with the chalk and cheese of Ben and the Shaw family values (my favourite Barry Sonnenfeld film), as well as how Ben's prejudices are unfounded and the Shaw family are smarter and more savvy than he thinks. It's cathartic watching this asshole learn and fall out with the populace, getting things wrong and makes a fool of himself. Because this is an insidiously shitty thing he is doing, and the movie has a few swipes at his profession and the need of him and others to view these people as "characters" rather than people.
Novak has his own voice, a rather verbose and wordy one, which shines through with the Ben character, but unfortunately trickles through into the other characters: who will also have large wordy grandiose speeches on the nature of vengeance and man. Granted some of it is him getting through to them, accompanied by some truly spectacular cinematography in parts (a scene in a car where he casts aside his pretentions and just embraces beauty of the world around him with no caveats is one which stands out), but it can feel a tad jarring.
The film could have benefitted from being darker, in my eyes, going for a more "Red Rocket" rawness or grit to everything, and the central mystery of who was involved with Abilene is easy to figure out (it's the one character we are introduced to with a fairly big role but nothing to do in the plot otherwise), but when it wants to get down to the brass tacks of what it's goig for, it's pretty on the money. It juggles the opioid epidemic and wealth in the US, and the plight of the working man, and has something of a fresh take on revenge.
It could have been darker, but it is a darkly funny debut. Lio Tipton is underused.

"Don't Worry Darling" - Review

In a picturesque 1950s American town in the desert, Alice (Florence Pugh) lives an idyllic life with her husband Jack (Harry Styles) who, along with the other men in town, goes to work on "Project Victory" deep in the desert. They refuse to talk about what they work on, so in the interim she makes do with life as a housewife, alongside other residents in the town. But something nags at the back of her mind, and she wants to know what "Project Victory" is all about.
So Alice begins to go down the rabbit hole...

From one of the writers of the brilliant "Booksmart", the pieces of Wilde's directorial sophomore effort seem familiar on the surface, and you're waiting for how they come together, how they click, what they do with them. There are hints of "Stepford Wives", "Get Out", "The Truman Show", "Antebellum" and more (spoilers maybe...) all bubbling under the surface as we try and figure out how the inevitable twist will come into play.
So in the interim we have to focus on the performance of Pugh, which is good, and the supporting characters around her, who are also good (Nick Kroll is in this for some reason.). Harry Styles is an odd choice of casting (especially with the extended, "Annette"-style cunnilingus scenes) and is stilted and off, but later on when he puts on a different accent that is not his own he's actually a better actor. So it has to be intentional, and it works for the part. There's a scene in a car where he's pretty good.
Others float in and out of the movie, though it's mostly Pugh's performance, notably a criminally underused Gemma Chan (dressed as a school teacher and wielding a stick if that's your thing) as Shelley, the real queen bee and power behind the throne due to her husband, and Olivia Wilde herself as the alcoholic neighbour and mother of two, something of a climber and gossip in the social circle.
Chris Pine plays Frank (married to Shelley and in charge of this town... subtlties are not required) and threatens to steal the show despite his limited screen time. He channels his natural charm and charisma, and plays Frank as a cult leader. More specifically, he is uncannily like Jordan Peterson, which is fucking hilarious. Once you hear it, you won't be able to "unhear" it. Apparently Peterson is unhappy with being portrayed as a shallow, vindictive, pseudo-intellectual, spiteful mysoginist who holds cult-like devotion from men unhappy with their lives and believing he has all the answers.

Pine's bloody excellent here, as good as Pugh. He truly shines, as does the film, at a dinner party scene, where it becomes two actors trying to outsmart each other in a social circle, and power dynamics and control and gaslighting lead the way.
But whilst the performances are good, the rest of it becomes a little wobbly.
The first scene transition/edit is jarring and messy, but thankfully not quite "Suicide Squad" or "House of Gucci" levels, and though the movie feels over-tightened in later parts, it's never terribly done after that. There's some good imagery of eyes and spirals (I'm pretty sure that I want this cinematographer to just remake "Uzumaki" and they'd crush it, as it's the same guy, Matthew Libatique, who did "The Fountain" and "Requiem for a Dream", and fucking "Venom" apparently!) and a pastel colour palette which I rather enjoy. It's a contrast to the horror around them.
But some of the directorial choices are a little off, the tension is never quite there. A few excellent sound design choices (the meat early on being fried) and visuals (a finger tracing patterns over the town's roads and a slow overhead zoom from the middle of the model of the town) save it from being too "off", and make this more a diamond in the rough which never quite soars. I think that it would have benefitted from a more sparse, ponderous, intimate style like Scandanavian noir or a kitchen sink drama or "45 Years".
I like it, with all it juggles and its central message/twist, and want to see Olivia Wilde direct more things and work on her craft. It would be fun to see what she makes next.
But watch "Booksmart", for the love of Christ.

"Bodies, Bodies, Bodies" - Review

A storm is brewing. Bee (Maria Bakalova) is being taken by her girlfriend Sophie (Amandla Stenberg) to meet the latter's friends. They're having a "hurricane party" at the luxurious home of the ridiculously wealthy David (Pete Davidson), where Sophie can introduce Bee to her friends and catch up with people she's not seen since she went to rehab. They consist of the aforementioned David, a cocky amusing rich kid; the bitchy and passive aggressive leader Jordan (Myha'la Herrold), whose boyfriend Max is on the way and previously punched David in the eye; David's girlfriend Emma (Chase Sui Wonders), an upbeat actor; the shallow but nice podcaster Alice (Rachel Sennott), who seems genuinely happy to see Sophie again; and her mysterious cool older vet boyfriend Greg (Lee Pace). The gang's clearly got some unresolved issues with each other, particularly Sophie, and this starts to come to a head when they play "Bodies, Bodies, Bodies", all the while the storm approaches from outside and brews anew inside. Bee finds herself trapped in the middle of this evening as it gradually unfolds into a nightmare.

The trailer puts a certain vibe out there, and in the hands of a less-talented cast, director, writer and more, you can vividly imagine the cringe-inducing January horror movie of shallow, pettiness and lukewarm satire.
Instead, we get an excruciating social-anxiety inducing build up of these characters in a hellish setting, as Bee is forced to watch and endure and avoid things like the passive-aggressive Jordan, the obnoxious David, and even a few secrets Sophie has of her own.
Then when it kicks off, it remains a hilarious, slick, incredibly funny murder mystery, as the myriad of gossip, dirty secrets, well-seeded character arcs and brutal inter-personal fights come together in a meeting of mayhem and blood. There is a truly standout scene in a gym, akin to the lighthouse sequence in "Battle Royale", and the switching, subversion and development of the gang work in the film's favour and give it a much-needed edge and bite. A lot of hay will be made about lines in the trailer like "you trigger me" and "you're so toxic!" but in context the lines are excellent, they're given prominence in the trailer specifically to get some sort of reaction and rise. The characters are well-written, and performed even better
A stirling sophomore effort, funny and slick.
The ending is pure genius.

"Crimes of the Future" - Review

In a not too distant bio-tech future, pain has disappeared, and surgery is the new sex. Performance artist Saul Tenser (Viggo Mortensen) and his assistant Caprice (Lea Seydoux) push the limits of art with live extractions of hitherto unknown organs grown and extraced from Tenser in front of a wanting, clamouring audience. We follow them as they meet strange technicians Router and Berst (Nadia Litz and Tanaya Beatty), a sweet-bar chewing stranger with an unusual idea for Tenser's next performance (Scott Speedman); a nervy doctor at the "National Organ Registry" (Don McKellar) and his strange, nervous, somewhat aroused assistant Timlin (Kristen Stewart), in a world where pain, pleasure, organic, synthetic and normal and strange blur together in a cocktail of weirdness...

I love David Cronenberg.
There are no rules, this is a meandering, odd, compellingly strange tale akin to his older stuff ("The Fly", "Rabid", "Videodrome") right down to the deliberately off-kilter acting to help us be desensitised to this painless world the characters live in. It's very much a mood piece, and plot and character growth (Hah!) come second. It's a movie where people will chat about the morality and philosophy of evolution and art and flesh. It's a movie where the plot only really comes into play in the 3rd act, though to be fair the ending is pretty fucking good.
A woman performs fellatio on a man's organs.
A man covers himself in ears.
Chairs help a person eat by moving you around for maximum digestion and pleasure.
Saul and Caprice fuck whilst cutting themselves.
It's "Crash" with a growling, Michael Wincott-esque Mortensen, and I love it. It's arthouse gore with no real rules or conventions or care for typical structures and pacings the audience are used to, it's just Cronenberg being Cronenberg and having stuff to say and explore. Yes, there's a lot of it, and yes he goes all over the place and yes it doesn't conform to traditional narrative too well.
But it's undeniably his film, and enjoyable to boot. I love it, especially if you hold it up as something of a contrast to the cookie-cutter production line swill pumped out by many studios.
Love it or hate it, it's got vision and creativity and ideas.

Three Thousand Years of Longing - Review

A narratologist (Tilda Swinton) is going to tell you a story.
She is going to tell you a tall tale of tormented truth, for if she spoke it as it happened, you would not believe her. It is a story of love, loss, loneliness and the power of tales themselves, about the hold that stories have on us, and how blinded we are to our own legends. It is a tale of how she met a Djinn (Idris Elba) in a hotel room, and was granted 3 wishes, and a tale of tales as he asked to be regaled by his mythos leading to this perfect, fortuitous moment.
From the director of "Mad Max: Fury Road".

Please watch this.
George Miller has woven (with co-writer Augusta Gore, and based upon a short story by A.S Byatt) a modern day fairy tale. No cynicism, no jokes, no sneering disregard for such a thing - just something akin to "100 Years of Solitude" or "Arabian Nights", with what is essentially just 2 characters telling stories in a hotel room. He uses effects and editing to splendid degree (check out the simple storytelling flourishes of a book being placed in a box, to quite heartbreaking effect, alongside oil-paintings of world building and mood pieces), capturing an intoxicating and beguiling wonder of a natural storyteller. It's romantic, dark, twisted, fluid, and magical in equal measure, and the dialogue is like poetry out of these actors' mouths. You will be rooting for these crazy kids by the end of it (all the way to a sweet and well-earned conclusion) and it's something of a refreshing drink from an oasis in these dark and soulless times.
And it has Idris Elba naked for 90% of its runtime.
And Tilda Swinton sounds like her character in "Snowpiercer", if that's your thing.

I joke that you can't believe this is from the director of "Mad Max: Fury Road", but honestly: if you've seen "Babe: Pig in the City", you'll get it.

"The Invitation" - Review

Evie (Nathalie Emmanuel) is a struggling artist in New York city. Her mother passed away recently, and she is feeling listless. So as she works at a party for a DNA testing firm, she takes a chance and takes one: discovering that she is related to a rather wealthy English family. On a limb, she joins awkward cousin Oliver (Hugh Skinner) at a family wedding in England. She meets a variety of relatives and strangers, including dapper Lord of the Manor Walter De Ville (Thomas Doherty), but there may be sinister intentions behind her invitation...

It took a lot of effort to not put the synopsis of Karyn Kusuma's "The Invitation" there (please watch that film, it's excruciating in the best way), this film is an odd duck.
It has moments where its direction is pretty good (highlights involve a feast and the sloppy, messy soundsof eating and the close-ups of the food in a stark, disgusting detail; and a manicure sequence) but it never really rises above "fine". Largely it's a tonal problem, a common problem for films and particularly horror movies. Writer Blair Butler (whom I know as the model on the front cover of "Booster Gold" Issue 23) is going for a "Dracula" transplant (particularly Brides of Dracula, with the characters of bitchy Viktoria, Stephanie Corneliussen having fun, and adorable blonde Lucy, played by Alana Boden) and for a while that seems what they are going for: Baroque Goth drama and a fish out of water story with a likeable Nathalie Emmanuel.

Unfortunately it never reaches the tension it craves, and it also never hits the biting (hah) satire of something like "Ready or Not". When the climax happens it is fine. The catharsis isn't as earned as it could be. I don't think it helps that the chemistry between Emmanuel and Doherty doesn't spark and fizzle.
There's a few good jokes, and Sean Pertwee is fun as the dickish butler, but I'd best describe the movie as "inessential".

"Nope" Review

Otis "OJ" Haywood Jr (Daniel Kaluuya) has inherited the ranch of his legendary horse-trainer father (Keith David) after the latter's unlikely, unusual death one day, and struggles to follow in his footsteps alongside his more outgoing sister Emerald (Keke Palmer), whilst just across the valley they live in is a successful theme park "Jupiter's Claim" run by former child star Ricky "Jupe" Park (Stephen Yuen), with whom OJ does business to keep afloat.
One night, OJ sees something in the sky, and the siblings get an idea...

Jordan Peele is a fun director.
He makes solid, excellent horror movies which hark back to the classics, but this time actually respected by critics, and always with a fun sense of humour throughout. Here he has gone for an underrated, underused genre: the alien invasion movie, crossed with an old school monster movie. There's a long, intricate build up which sets an ominous tone, and the camerawork and groundwork for the mystery are some stirling stuff. Yeah it's not exactly subtle (one character's co worker is called "Nessie"), but it's fun and exceedingly effective stuff: a personal highlight for me is a supremely tense sequence involcing the use of, all things, "Sunglasses at Night" and a van. The build up is sinister and great, and when the film introduces its versions of Hooper and Quinn from "Jaws" (here a tech-specialist named Angel, played by Brandon Perea, and a documentarian named Antlers Holst, a name as cool as the fact that he is played by Michael Wincott in 2022), right down to Holst singing an acapella version of a song ("The Purple People Eater", kind of chilling here) round a table, it amps up the ante to some wonderfully bizarre madness.
Fuck I've missed Michael Wicott in movies, and he's great here. Recognisable instantly, he growls his way through a performance as Antlers Holst best described as "deranged". I like that they implied he's dying in it: a man obsessed with spectacle and finding the imposible, even if it destroys him...
This movie is fantastic fun (check out this straight up "Akira" shot below), and when the monster movie kicks in it is a wild ride: blood, mayhem, chaos and raining blood.

(That's the good shit)
But there are also references to "Neon Genesis Evangelion" of all things.
Above and beyond, however, this is also a movie wearing its messaging on its sleeve of ambition, for good or for ill. It's about the consuming need for spectacle and the belief that we can tame and humanise the monsters we see. OJ respects and understands the creatures he interacts with whilst Jupe (in a genuinely horrifying plotline) has monetised trauma and profited off of tragedy, and belives that his survival is because he is special or that he had a connection with a rabid animal.
God there is just so much to love about it (perfect use of Daniel Kaluuya's "there is something untoward going on over there, but it is none of my business" face, his performance where he doesn't make eye contact with people, that first "nope, fuck that" in the barn, the quite humorous thing he does in the van, Stephen Yuen's sleazy Jupe who can be read in different ways such is the nuance of his performace, the fucking NUTS creature design, Michael Wincott, and the bugnuts ending) but other parts which may grate on some (the long build up, the humour, the bugnuts ending); though one thing remains: it's still very much its own thing, should be applauded, and is fantastic fun. I love it.
Also thank you to Peele for reminding people that chimps can go fuck themselves.

Bullet Train - Review

A mismatched gang of misfits, madmen, maniacs and murderers gather together on a sleek, eponymous public transportation method. Ladybug (Brad Pitt) is a bespectacled "snatch and grab" specialist trying to rediscover his Zen and overcome his perpetual bad luck; The Prince (the delightful Joey King, in a cinematic release for a change) is an innocent British schoolgirl who may be bottled chaos; Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson, finally getting good roles again) and his brother Lemon (the always welcome Bryan Tyree-Henry, channelling his inner Daniel Kaluuya and making me think that the makers could only afford one of the "Widows" alumnii); dishevelled and desperate Yuji (Andrew Koji, becoming a favourite of mine); The Wolf (Bad Bunny), with an axe to grind; and a myterious 6th assassin all find that their paths are intrinsically linked, and that there is obviously a lot more going on here than meets the eye. As Ladybug tries to find a positive outlook on life and overcome his run of bad luck, he finds himself in the middle of a long-boiling, long overdue plot about to spew over into mad, wild violence.

This is not advertised as a comedy, but absolutely is.
A raucous, silly, candy-coloured kaleidoscope of carnage, with wacky characters thrown into a blender and allowed to rattled about in the confines of the soon to be bloody bullet train. The build up is intricate and convoluted, and by the end it peters out and collapses a little bit, but it rattles on by with a quick-fire speed, particularly with the excellent use of the title-card gimmick (which I am glad is making a comeback) that pays of in a good, silly way. The banter is quick-fire, but doesn't feel repetitive, the characters are all uniquely funny: from the stress-induced panics and desperate desire for peace of Ladybug (who realises that he is in way over his head), the "innocent schoolgirl" act of Prince working on every single person she meets without fail, to the personal highlights of Lemon and Tangerine bickering about Thomas the Tank Engine and being utterly, utterly British. Tyree Henry and Joey King (also playing it British) have pretty good and stable accents too, as a side note. The highlights are, personally speaking, Tangerine and Lemon: a wonderful double act with a sordid past and absolutely my bread and jam. A pair of bickering killers with a dry wit and lots of love for each other beneath their gritty exteriors.

I also appreciate how ridiulous Lemon looks, as well as how Tangerine is channelling his inner Matthew McConnohie.

The cast are having fun, particularly Pitt and the aforementioned Lemon and Tangerine, and the ever-bloody-excellent Hiroyuki Sanada shows up to bring gravitas and deliver the absolutely fucking raw line of "your guilt has rested upon your heads, I shall separate you from both", just delicious. I love that actor. Perhaps one of the larger surprises comes from our Lord and Saviour, Netflix Queen Joey King: finally getting a good film in the cinemas in forever

.
(I see you "Shibumi" reference. Leitch had you in "John Wick" and will continue to ram that terrible bok down our throats)
It doesn't quite match her performance on "Nailed It", where she was pure, unbridled anarchy in the kitchen, but I like her as an actor: she really has fun with the part. The fight sequences are creative in their constraints, they are bloody, they are quite funny and, par for the course for a David Leitch movie, excellently choreographed. It has some slick, smart editing and a great sense of style, tonally there's never really any dissonance. An odd quirk of this is some of the unusual flashbacks and callbacks, which could have been left out, but work here. Some may dislike the longer-than-usual buildup, and there are a few jokes which go on a little long, but there's enough playful fun and wackiness to keep the film bouncing along. The finale does drag, having the worst excesses of "Hobbs and Shaw" as it leaves the train and gets too-CGI heavy, and a couple of cameos get distracting (though one of them is played for laughs, and a sex joke), but it's not a deal-breaker.
I do also wish that the Conductor gag had kept going, it's underused and never comes back.
I recommend this film as a raucous wild ride.
Side note: Rex Reed, who is still getting work apparently, calls this the worst film he has ever seen. If that is not a ringing endorsement, I don't know what is.

Also I'm not going to talk about the White-Washing of the book, I'm not touching that beehive with a bargepole held by another person.

"Swan Song" Review

Pat Pitsenberger (Udo Kier) was once the toast of the town's high society, a hairdresser to the rich, famous and fabulous. Now he sits in a retirement home, listless and dwelling on the past, and sharing cigarettes with the more frail, forgotten residents - lavishing attention on those forgotten by the world. When a lawyer comes to him with news that his old client, town philanthropist and queen bee Rita Parker Sloan (Linda Evans), has passed away and specified in her will that she wanted Pat Pitsenberger to do her hair, Pat breaks out of the home on a quest to fulfill this final request and confront the petty grudges and various distant memories of his past...

It has been far too long for Udo Kier to get a leading role in something. The man has been a staple of not just the wonderful stuff I love ("Suspiria", "Johnny Mnemonic", "Invincible", "The Editor"), and the trash we all love ("Blade", "Iron Sky") and the worst things ("Far Cry", "Dogville", "BloodRayne") - this has been a long time coming. Do insert your "Story of O" punchline here...
He relishes the chance, truly, and Pat is a wonderful character.
He is played as catty and camp, yes, but still subdued in that Udo Kier way, and all the more heartbreaking for it. His initial interactions with a fellow patient in the home (treating her hair, calling her beautiful and acting just as he would have years ago...) set the tone not just for our hero, but the film itself: a tender, sweet-hearted story free of malice, but still heart-wrenching.
Director Todd Stephens (the stronger of the 2 "movies about a character who lives in a society" directors working today, and the one who isn't a sneering prick) uses the lovely, picturesque, quaint small town backdrops to wonderful effect, almost fairytale in parts, but undercut with the fading architecture, dying businesses and poorer areas. I liked the shot at the start where Pat left his room and turned the sign on his door over, and it lingered on the happy face just a little too long...

Pat is old, but coming out once more, freeing himself. The colour grading is brilliant (pun intended), and amplifies a twist nicely. The stage sections of Pat in a fur coat bookend the film sweetly and with a tight little bow.
The film really hits its stride after Pat leaves the retirement home, and becomes a story of letting go of grudges, but then morphs into a more complex take on what has happened to gay sub-cultures, the erasure of gay spaces, the lessons lost, learned and forgotten by the new generations of queer people, and truly blossoms there. It's touching, sweet, heart-breaking, but also very funny, and a celebration of saying "fuck you" (the catty lines are great without being mean-spirited or having Pat be a dick, and him on the mobility scooter is excellent); though it never gets cloying or sentimental or treats its character with too much reverence. Pat still makes bad decisions, backs out of things, and farts about (though the wine scene is quite funny, actual king that man is...) and it's telling how much both Udo and the writer relish the chance to breathe life into this character as well as use him to explore these dying worlds and the themes of death and loss. It becomes a real triumph in its final act, reaching an amazing use of "Dancing on My Own", yet not even peaking there and continuing to a well-earned, beautiful finale that more than lives up to its title.
It is about letting go of grudges, but also of how much we can impact the lives of others without even knowing it (one of about 3 times I got choked up in the film) and how, at the end of the day, we all want to be remembered but few get to remember you for who you truly are.
Makes a palette-cleansing chase shot to "Red Rocket".

"Brian and Charles" Review

I'd like to preface this film by saying that it had an absolutely delightful audience, and a surprisingly large one at that. Go and support local, weirder, smaller projects! In a tiny cottage: Brian (David Earl) is a lonely eccentric inventor working on a variety of odd projects. His latest, however, is built from an old washing machine and various parts he finds on his scavenging runs, and seems to work: a robot who chooses for himself the name "Charles" (Chris Hayward). Together they bond and learn about life and each other, then are forced to confront the looming threat of the darker side of life and human existence...

An utterly delightful little movie, bursting with charm as it tackles the old classic of "robot learning to be human", but through the lense of an utter anorak and the quirks of British humour. Brian is played as an inventor who doesn't make much good stuff, but has his heart in the right place, without being at all cloying or a charicature of mental illness. He's just a delightfully odd, lonely man, who makes an equally odd robot and falls in love with a local girl named Hazel (Louise Brealey, always welcome), whose romance doesn't seem forced or creepy in any way. It's earnest and sweet.
But the star of the show is Charles (co-writer Chris Hayward, wearing a washing machine) who gets so may of the big belly laughs. The true spark of life is having them play him as a growing teenager, complete with a classic teenager exchange which completely fucking killed me.
It's not going to se the world on fire, but it is a solid, sweet caper.

"The Black Phone" Review

The year is 1978, and a small community in Denver is living under a shadow. Children keep going missing, and others whisper of a figure known only as "The Grabber" spiriting them away to certain death. Finn (Mason Thames) is a bright and bullied boy, who fears this killer almost as much as he fears living with his abusive father (Jeremy Davies); and when he becomes the latest victim of "The Grabber", it falls to his sister Gwenn (Madeleine McGraw) to hunt for him, thanks to cryptic clues in her dreams. Finn must contend with The Grabber (Ethan Hawke), and whatever his plans for the boy may be, and all seems lost, until the phone in his cell starts ringing...

This movie was good.
Scott Derrickson has a good eye for horror, and makes them well. The central concept is strong, written as it is by Stephen King's clone, and unique. I love how the first 20/30 minutes of the movie are just Finn, Gwenn and their lives, as they live in the shadow of a great evil. It's excellent build up, and lays the foundations very well, establishing our characters, strengths and future plot points. When the plot kicks in, and The Grabber arrives, it's been worth the build up. The mask is trerrifying, and Hawke is always excellent. He seems to relish the part, and it is genuinely disconcerting to see him in this role. It's more concerning seeing him shirtless.
The film comes alive with him on screen, but wisely manages not to overuse him.
Thames and McGraw are excellent finds, and can carry the movie on their shoulders.
The film suffers from some of Derrickson's excesses, however, namely in the really awful jumpscares. He'll be using this concept incredibly well, weaving an interesting story, creating a brooding atmosphere, great editing (the use of Super 8 films as dreams is not only 100% a Scott Derrickson thing, but kind of inspired), when BOOM! There'll be an annoying loud orchestral score akin to somebody kicking a piano down the stairs of a violin shop, as if he thinks we're bored by this.
Thankfully these are not all over the place, like in a January horror movie, but they are frequent enough to get annoying.
The film has a good premise, oozes atmosphere, and doesn't have a lot of good things to say about the police (the ending shots are great), and its climax is very well-earned. James Ransone threatens to steal the show as a coke-fiend in a shirt made of numbers. I love him so much, he is a gift.

"Good Luck To You, Leo Grande"

Nancy Stokes (Emma Thompson) is a widow, repressed sexually after an incredibly boring marriage. But she has a plan: she has hired a sex worker by the name of Leo Grande (Daryl McCormack) to try things she never had a chance to, and to give her a wild time. Over the course of a few meetings, Nancy starts to come out of her shell, learns about Leo Grande, learns about sex, and boundries are formed, pushed and tested.

This was a genuinely touching, sweet, nuanced and human look at sex, sexual awakenings and pleasrue. The characters are well sketched, McCormack is excellent (especially coming of the back of the also good "Pixie"), Thompson is always wonderful, and it doesn't feel exploitative or sleazy in any way. It's dam good, and the dancing sequence genuinely got me emotional. The script is by Katy Brand (a welcome surprise) and rather than being a laugh a minute romp, it focuses on the humanity of the characters and feels like a stage play, in a good way; though there is an excellent "Your Mum" joke which genuinely got me.
I really recommend this.

"Everything, Everywhere, All At Once"

Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh) is a stressed out owner of a dry cleaner's, determined to stay afloat during the impending audit by battleaxe IRS employee Deirdre (Jamie Lee Curtis), a visit from her distant father (the always wonderful James Hong), her daughter Joy (Stephanie Hsu) bringing her girlfriend round and hoping to be accepted, and her cinammon roll of a husband Waymond (Ke Huy Quan) has a secret... At the IRS building, something strange happens...

This movie is spectacular, there is no other word for it. A sumptuous banquet of creativity, wonder, imagination, insanity and unhinged wonder - Daniels have shown us what cinema is supposed to be about. The ideas are "mad", yes, but only because we're not used to such freedom of creativity on screen, because all too often there is a tight stanglehold on the sort of things that are, you know, good. The directors keep a tight reign on the madness (leaping onto dildos, in a sequence which had me crying with laughter, luchadore cock battles, eating chapstick to gain superpowers, James Hong in a home-made mech suit) with a touching, and genuinely sweet introspective examination of nihilism and existentialism, as well as the relationship between Evelyn and her family. Nothing matters, so embrace things you love. After all, what do you have to lose?
The film is gorgeous to behold, has editing which dreams are made of (I'm in awe that the makers created an entire marble bust of Michelle Yeoh's head for a split second editing gag, same with an animated sequence) in moments which flicker by with genuine talent and skill. It's slick and smooth as butter.
And in a movie where James Hong Tokyo-Drifting his wheelchair at a luchadore at super speed is only, like the 8th weirdest thing to happen in those ten minutes, there is a lot to love.
Every person is going to have a favourite part, or moment, or thing they love. Personally, it's the little things: I loved that the shots of Evelyn and Waymond in the "successful" world looked like something from "In the Mood for Love", and a sequence involving rocks. The aforementioned dildo sequence is a highlight too, I was crying with laughter, and "Raccoon" gag pays off wonderfully.
Each and every scene is packed with something new, some other detail you may have missed, and I reccommend this movie whole-heartedly

"Firestarter" - Review

Charlie McGee (Ryan Kiera Armstrong) has a dangerous powerful gift. Her father Andy (Zac Efron) has the power to "Push" people into doing things. On the run from sinister government agency "The Shop", headed by Captain Hollister (Gloria Reubens, bizarre but not unwelcome casting) and their sinister agent John Rainbird (Michael Greyeyes) - Andy must decide if he wants Charlie to control her increasingly dangerous powers...

The original "Firestarter" film has a fair few problems, so I'm not opposed to a remake in principle. The book is an underrated one in King's ouevre.
This film is perfectly acceptable.
That's it.
It has a phenomenal soundtrack, truly brilliant, done by John Carpenter. It's perfect for the tone of the book, and for this film it's the definite highlight. Ryan Kiera Armstrong nails Charlie, capturing the character very well in this slightly aged up version. Efron's alright too, he plays Andy McGee with the "dying inside" mentality we need from the protective father. Kurtwood Smith shows up as Dr Wanless, and there are some nice little nods to the book: he's found at the Pynchon Centre, we're introduced to Rainbird next to racks and racks of boots, and Irv Manders (John Beasely) gets the "$100 Bill" trick.
But the film just feels safe,, it never truly ignites. There is some gorgeous cinematography, and some spectacular neon drenched shots towards the end. It wants to feel like Mike Flanagan's "Doctor Sleep" (side note: PLEASE WATCH DOCTOR SLEEP) in parts, particularly at the scene involving a cat; the battle at the Manders Farm is underwhelming at best; and Captain Hollister (whilst an appearence of a "Timecop" alumnus is always welcome) is less a benign evil bureaucrat and more a generic evil mastermind ruler. The biggest change comes to Rainbird. Greyeyes does an admirable job in the part, but whilst parts of the changes should work on paper, it makes the movie muddled.
And the biggest disgrace is that there is STILL no O.J in this adaptation.

"The Northman" - Review

In the year 895, the warrior king Aruvandil War Raven (Ethan Hawke) returns from a successful raid, and raises his son Amleth to follow in his footsteps. But when Aruvandil's bastard brother Fjolnir (Claes Bang) slays Aruvandil and sezies Queen Gudrun (Nicole Kidman) for himself; Aruvandil's son Amleth (Alexander Skarsgard) goes on the run and vows to avenge his death.

Gorgeous, brutal, violent, and created with a primal, feral ferocity: the film is at its best when embracing the psychedelic madness of classic Norse myths: a drug trip with Aruvandil, Amleth and his fool (Willem Dafoe), or the life tree beneath the Northern Lights. Director Robert Eggers has sought to simply recreate a Norse myth and absolutely nails it. His folk horror influences are on full display, recreating the "greatest hits" of Viking culture and not shying away from cruelty and brutality; and the themes of feral beasthood and animalistic fury weave themselves through this tale of revenge with clarity and frankness. There are frequently gorgeous shots belonging in a painting, and the production design is top tier stuff. This has been a labour of love for all involved: it rises above the slurry of product and profiteering shittiness of the movie industry, that even when personally not clicking with the film (I'm just not big on Viking stuff, personal preference) I adored that it was made, the technical craft on display, and how much of a visceral experience the film was. There's a purity to its film making.
Ethan Hawke, despite brief screentime, embraces the Shakespearean dialogue at the start, Sarsgard seems to have been chomping at the bit to play a Viking all his life and does so with a furious intensity; Anya Taylor Joy is always a delight; and Bjork steals the show in her single scene as an intoxicating witch threading Amleth into the tapestry of destiny.
Defintely not for everybody, this nevertheless needs to be watched by anybody who enjoys cinema, just for how original it is in the sea of artless swill.

"Live a Live" Hype Train

"Live a Live", the obscure and never-before-translated or released-in-the-West RPG, is finally getting a release!

And you kow what that means!
In this post and more, I'm going to go through "Live a Live", the best game me and a couple of people on TV Tropes with access to an awesome fan translation and emulator have played!

It's best described as a grid-based JRPG: you walk around in the world following the story, and then when you get into a combat encounter, you fight the enemies by moving about on a grid and using your moves, hoping not to die.

Think Chess but with gunslingers and kung fu masters.
The twist (and something I've not really seen done outside of "Romancing SaGa" and the openings of Wild Arms games; side note: PLEASE PLAY WILD ARMS 3) comes in the execution and delivery.
The player is asked to pick from 7 stories in various points in time, each with a different protagonist, genre, twist on the formula and (unfortunately) also different in quality. This allows the game to mix and match and effectively be a blender in ways very few other games or even films are able to do so, and there'll definitely be a genre here for everyone. The saga stretches across time and has one or two recurring fragments (a very clear one in each chapter, but also little threads here and there which come together sweetly), and in a clever little bit of creativity has a different art director for each chapter, though the music is all done by the bloody excellent Yoko Shimamura. Her music ties it all together: she does some fantastic Morricone-esque Wild West scoring one moment, some tribal drum based cavemen music the next, to wild fancy funky electronica for the future, and a creepy, Gothic baroque organ-based theme which... I'm not going to spoil for you here. Oh, and this is the boss theme for every chapter, it fucking rules and I am going to leave it here without further comment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rf8Dj7PRAI

Now that that beauty is playing in your head, and making you feel like to are actually kicking insane amounts of ass, I'm going to go through each chapter in chronological order. Many guides I have read don't recommend playing them cronologically, but I do: you start strong, end stronger, and sandwich the worst chapter between two of the best. Plus the whole thing then feels like an epic time travel adventure it was meant to be.
I'll be reviewing each of them on their own merits, and with little nods to how they start to come together, likely over several parts and posts, because despite the differing length of each chapter this game manages to weave a truly sprawling and epic narrative, with one of the best twists in gaming history. Without further ado: Here we go!
Chapter 1: Contact The caveman chapter. You play as Pogo: a brash, loud, crude but ultimately endearing little cave boy with green hair and a monkey best friend.

(Art by Gengoro Akemori on DeviantArt: https://www.deviantart.com/gengoro-akemori/art/LIVE-A-LIVE-Pogo-464813902)
This one is, at its core: a simple love story, and one of the easiest chapters to grasp. You follow Pogo as he falls for a mysterious girl named Bel, about to be sacrificed by an evil rival tribe (led by an evil chieftain, who is father to Zaki: a sexy redheaded man who only wears a lizard. Roll with it) to the great dinosaur god O-D-O! Pogo, smitten and a bit of an idiot, rescues her, is exiled, and must find a way back home. Zaki, the aforementioned son of the rial chieftain, is hot on his trail to come and retrieve the girl so that they may all be spared from the wrath of this great demonic lizard. As Pogo and Bel travel the hostile, unknown, primitive lands mankind is taking its first tentative steps to, they discover not only each other but perhaps a chance to prevent this crude, primitive world from being destroyed before it has a chance to blossom...
This one is sweet, cute, and all too charming: your most powerfully broken attack is your monkey friend Gori (because he's a gorilla...) throwing poo at the enemy. It's that sort of chapter. Your special "gimmick" here is to sniff and search for enemies to fight, and becomes the closest to a traditional JRPG with grinding and levelling mechanics, but doesn't really outstay its welcome: it's short and sweet, and you embark on a journy of romance and early communication, a love story pretty much told without words and done solely through actions, like a mime play, it's fun! In a cool bit of narrative integration: Bel gets a healing spell at level 7, representing her growing love form Pogo manifested as a song. I like that, it's integrating the narrative into the gameplay.
The biggest gripe is that there is absolutely no way to know how to get crafting materials (it has a crafting mini game, but do cut them some slack: it was 1994, before crafting became a fucking scourge we know and hate today) and the gear you need without a walkthrough. I found out how to do it by looking at a rather excellent walkthrough (RPG shrine has a rather EXCELLENT write up on the game in general, and a walkthrough here: provided for your pleasure http://shrines.rpgclassics.com/snes/lal/walkthrough.shtml). I shall let you read about how to get the gear, give it a moment.
Yeah, that's some GRADE A bullshit right there!

How the hell was a rational person with a human brain supposed to comprehend this nonsence?! That's the sort of riddle a talking monkey on meth would pose to the concept of colour.
Here's some of Shimamura's work on this chapter, a funky and quirky little number called "Kiss of Jealousy":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJgCo7e0EpQ

This chapter is good. A good, solid start. Pogo, Bel and Gori make for a cute throuple, you save a tribe of pink gorillas, you fight dinosaurs, and the whole thing ends with Pogo redeeming himself in the eyes of his tribe by teaming up with Zaki to do battle with the great evil dinosaur O-D-O itself, refusing to sacrifice people to it and instead carving humanity's own path. And then they live happily ever after!

"The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent" - Review

Nicolas Cage is on the ropes. He is courting David Gordon Green for another movie, but his constant workload is getting to him, he's in debt, his wife Olivia (Sharon Horgan, always welcome) is demanding he get his shit together for the sake of his 16 year old daughter Addy (Lilly Sheen) who has grown frustrated with his ego and emotional distance. When he gets an offer from Javi Gutierrez (Pedro Pascal), to come to his birthday party for $1,000,000, the Hollywood superstar (haunted by his sub-conscious alter-ego "Nicky" who pushes for him to be a movie star rather than an actor) has no choice but to accept.
He ends up caught up in a plot to kill Javi and rescue the daughter of a President he and his cartel have kidnapped, overseen by two CIA operatives (Tiffany Haddish and Ike Barinholtz), though the blossoming friendship between himself and Javi causes some tension and friction, all coming to a head in unexpected ways...

The film is burdened, see what I did there, with the legends of Nicolas Cage and his meme-like status; so even out of the gate has expectations for what this project is:
"Of COURSE Nicolas Cage is making this."
"Well duh, that's the most Nicolas Cage movie around!"
"Jesus fucking Christ..."
But here's the thing:
Nicolas Cage has always not only been a great actor, but a self-aware one. He's got a lot of nuance and range to him, and here is not just playing up a party parody version of himself. Well, he does do that in some rather amusing and inspired scenes as "Nicky" (complete with leather jacket and 90s/00s haircut), but the film is actually more about our perceptions of art, public personas VS one's true self, and self-contemplation and reflection.
I know that that all sounds rather heavy, and the film doesn't exactly stray into "JCVD" territory, breaking itself up with some excellent jokes, wonderful banter/rapport and EXCELLENT chemistry between Cage and Pascal (who frequently gets the most pathos for his character). It is a breezy, meta-textual romp and not only a fun comedy in its own right but a celebration and examination of art and Hollywood (there are a few fun discussions about the screenplay within a screenplay, and the marketing it would entail, and a funny Michael Bay's "The Rock" piss take at the end, lovingly observed) but it remembers never to fall to sycophancy and hagiography. It keeps its head on tightly, remembering characters and its love of the medium. As a result it keeps itself from feeling like a vanity project and ironically gives Cage some of his best stuff to date (obviously "Pig" is God-Tier Cage, almost untouchable).
It's very funny too. And Ike Barinholtz gets a few good laughs as a foul-mouthed CIA operative.

"The Lost City" - Review

Loretta Sage (Sandra "Sandy B" Bullock) is a reclusive author, housbound after the death of her beloved husband, who now writes the supremely popular "Dr Lovemore" romance novels, full of adventure and bodice-ripping enticement between her and the sexy "Dash McMahon" (Channing "Channy T" Tatum). But when she fumbles a book tour she is not particularly interested in, Sage is kidnapped by men working for telemogul billionaire Abigail Fairfax (Daniel "Raddy D" Radcliffe), who has found a clue in her latest novel which may lead him to a long lost city of "D", and he wants her to translate it for him, and will not be taking "no" for an answer. Now Dash's model "Alan Caprison" (also Channing Tatum) takes it upon himself to follow her to the jungle and rescue her. Shenanigans ensue.

This is a perfectly fun, 2000s-esque movie which does its job admirably. Sandra Bullock is always welcome in movies, and can carry this sort of movie in her sleep. She has some fun moments of physical comedy, and plays the part of "prickly, coming out of her shell introvert" very well. She's Sandy B! She can do anything! Tatum is having fun sending up his "lovable hunk doofus" persona, and Radcliffe steals the show as the cheery and upbeat villain of the piece, relishing the chance to (as he seems to always be doing now) continue his trend of weird projects to take on. Patti Harrison gets the best laugh as the social media manager for Sage and her team (calling her agent's elderly grandmother "slut" in an attempt to befriend her, and frequently doing cringe-worthy attempts to be "down with the kids") and I enjoyed her in this. It's somewhat refreshing that it's not attempting to follow modern day trends and plays it safe: it's fun, it's amiable and likeable as a movie. Personally I wanted it to have more energy, a frantic kind perhaps, or to be more vulgar, but you'll get exactly what you want out of this cheery and completely inoffensive little piece. It's no "Romancing the Stone" (referenced early on, to get that out of the way), but its characters are sweet enough to endear themselves to you and have a fun time with things.

"The Bubble" Review

COVID is running rampant across the world, but God-damn it the makers of the "Cliff Beasts" series are going to make their 6th movie, virus or no virus. Carol Cobb (Karen Gillan, an actor I'm always happy to see get more work) is reluctant to return to the franchise after the bad blood between her and the cast over skipping the 4th film, but does so to save her career. Reuniting with Lauren Van Chance (Leslie Mann), who hates her; Dustin Mulray (David Duchovny); who is devoted to the films which made his career; Sean Knox (Keegan Michael-Key), the action movie star who's starting to lose his mind; and Howie Frangopolous (Guz Khan), the comic relief in the series, who's huge in Pakistan: she is thrust into a truly hellish production cycle under put-upon producer Gavin (Peter Serafinowicz) and arthouse director Darren Eigan (Fred Armisen), alongside series newcomers Deiter Bravo (Pedro Pascal), a perpetually horny actor with a career as serious as his drug problem, and Krystal Kris (Iris Apatow), a Tik Tok Queen who is making her movie debut...

Alright, the movie is very very funny, enough to overcome its faults: it's too long, it meanders a bit, loses focus and seems to drift a little in regards to what it's trying to say or who it's about. But the ensemble are genuinely great, and it's having fun and getting enough zingers and one-liners to keep it afloat. It's broad in its comedy (stoner jokes, vomit gags, some witty back and forth, something for everyone really) but I was laughing enough throughout to put up with the more awkward moments. Stealing the show personally was Deiter, Pedro Pascal was absolutely relishing the part and having the time of his life (including a very funny sequence where he drug trips a dominatrix mirror, with a celebrity cameo). But all of the characters get their moment to shine. They're fun characters, and even when the movie veers into ludicrousness, it manages to stumble through okay. If you like Apatow's style of comedy, you will enjoy this.
The cameos and supporting parts of the film are great too: Nick from "Britannick" has landed on his feet, which I am more than happy about, Rob Delaney is always welcome, and Maria Bakalova is fucking wonderful and needs more work.