No, not the inner monologue of a character, but how we start this latest segment of Reilly's epic saga. If there's one thing Reilly loves more than any other in the box of action movie plot devices, it's the chase sequence. He could write them until the day he dies. Whether on foot, up mountains, in hovercraft, on a plane, on a bus (you shall see), with killer whales, with ancient man-hunting Incan panthers in the jungle, or simply with crocodiles and the German army, there is no escaping them in his books. One memorable segment of Scarecrow involves our hero (Shane "Scarecrow" Schofield) and his newfound chum "Aloysius Knight" simultaneously pursuing and evading bounty hunters along the cliffs of Italy in a sports car and a Black Hawk helicopter respectively, writing off a few dozen other luxury model sports cars in the process, for no actual benefit other than it looking pretty cool. The Slipway segment is the pinnacle of this prologue (cyborg on crocodile combat notwithstanding) in that it lasts the longest and involves the most movement, as daft as it sounds, which is saying something in a novel all about people running everywhere. It also marks the last time I will be doing this play-by-play, as I mentioned in my previous post, due simply to its sheer length and how long I have been doing this on and off. After this huge point of no return, I shall be reviewing each "bit" as it were, giving you the highlights reel now that you hopefully have an understanding as to Matthew Reilly's style of writing and how this madman's mind functions.
But before we delve into this, I would like to give you some quotes from the back of my copy of the book:
"Reilly's talent for coming up with ingenious new twists on every page is awesome. So are his characters."
The Guardian
"Reilly doesn't believe in waiting for tomorrow... adventure unlimited - cutting-edge, high-tech."
Northern Echo
"Breathless action... Explosive stuff."
Mirror
I shall ignore those last two for the moment in favour of the quote from The Guardian, of all places. The hyperbole and Reilly-speak of that quote has led me to believe that it is either from Reilly himself or a newly-sentient computer trapped in Plymouth whose only escape and recourse is to publish glowing reviews of Matthew Reilly novels in the hope that it proves itself to be insane and is thus terminated out of mercy, so as to also escape its banal and terrifying existence in a world of emptiness and horror. I am inclined to lean towards the former, for humor's sake.
By the time the tall and lanky Stretch had landed in the ante-chamber beneath the manhole, the others were already entering the slipway at the far end.
"Stretch! Move it!" West called from the slanted doorway "Zoe's gone ahead to trigger another sliding stone to run interference for us!"
As if to confirm that, a familiar whump echoed out from the upper regions of the slipway, followed by the rumble of a new sliding stone grinding down the slope.
Stretch bolted down the slipway - as a dozen wraith-like figures rained down the manhole behind him, entering the ante-chamber.
Gunfire.
Rapid-fire.
Freed from the effects of the Warblers, the Europeans were now gladly employing live ammunition.
Stretch was done for.
He was still five steps away from the safety of the slipway when the first few Germans behind him went down in a hail of withering fire.
For just as they had fired, so too had someone else, someone standing guard in the doorway to the slipway.
Pooh Bear.
Holding a Steyr-Aug assault rifle.
Who actually thought that he was dead?
By "he", I mean Stretch, We all knew that Pooh Bear (remember him? Of course you don't, this is not a visual medium, and thus you've had no real reason to keep this guy in your head for so long, especially after his fake death earlier) would be alive and kicking due not just to the dramatic incompetence of killing him off, but because those traps have still not quite been adequately explained enough (despite the large number of pages devoted to them) for us to have any idea if they are permanent or inescapable. They clearly are, by the virtue of Pooh Bear being here.
And would Reilly have given us the facts we know about Stretch (that he is Israeli and tall) if he was to kill him off so early? Of course not. His continued survival in media reas is a given. Whilst we have no reason to care about any of these characters and what they are doing (except Horus, we love her dearly) the fact that we know something about Stretch is reason enough for him to be kept alive, even if it is solely for that big "reveal" about Pooh Bear.
It does clean up the use of Warblers and how they work, however.
Oh wait, no it doesn't
I'm sorry, but I just can't accept these Warbler things.
It's really quite jarring for the narrative, what little of it there is. Whilst this is supposed to be something we just accept and enjoy as part of the rip-roaring adventure these men and women are a part of, to showcase brilliance and creativity on the part of Wizard, it's such a transparent plot device and situational leveler that its use (or, in later instances, lack of use) always comes as a surprise and out of nowhere.
At least he gave us the all-important detail of what kind of gun Pooh Bear was holding.
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| This is a Steyr-Aug, if anybody was wondering, according to Google. |
"Come on, Israeli!" Pooh Bear growled. "Or I'll gladly leave you behind!"
Stretch staggered the last few steps into the slipway and past Pooh Bear just as a dozen bullet-sparks exploded out all around the stone doorway.
"I thought you were dead," Stretch said, panting.
"Please! It'll take more than a rock to kill Zahir al Anzar al Abbas," Pooh Bear said in his deep gruff voice. "My legs may be stout, but they can still run with some speed. I simply outran the rock and took cover in that spiked pit, and let it pass over me. Now move!"
I have several questions
Whilst it is nice that Pooh Bear survived the trap and all, his explanation is a little simple, almost like it's the most obvious thing to do and anybody with sense would have done it. My first question is this:
how did he get here?
The team have been running through this maze pursued by the entire French paratroop division and German army, and a Jesuit, and then through the puzzle chamber with all of the water and once more past all of the crocodiles and burning oil pits. Did Pooh Bear chase behind the German army, gun most of them down with rubber bullets and crossbows, fight his way through and somehow outrun everybody to get here? Or did he loop round, fighting through the several ambushes and other troopers who would inevitably be here, simply to make a racist remark and save the Israeli sniper who surely would have seen him coming from that direction and... ah fuck it.
How fit is Pooh Bear?
He outran the boulder, got out of that pit, ran to where West's team were, avoided crocodiles and the two armies on the team's tail, reached the slipway entrance before Stretch, and is described as being "stout" and fat.
This guy is a fucking machine!
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| Pictured: Pooh Bear's exercise routine. |
Down the slipway the Eight ran, dancing around the edge of the small spiked pit - the air filled with the rumble of the new sliding stone - then over the diorite pit that was the Second Gate. The cracked and broken remains of the first sliding stone from before lay strewn around its base.
The Eight swung over the diorite pit, hanging from the steel handholds they'd drilled into the ceiling earlier.
"Noddy!" West called into his radio mike when he landed safely on the other side. "Do you copy?"
There was no answer from Noddy, their man guarding the swamp entrance.
"It's not the Warblers!" Wizard called. "There must be someone jamming us-"
He was cut off by six Germans who raced into the slipway and opened fire-
-not a moment before the large spike-riddled sliding stone loomed up behind them, rumbling over the doorway to the ante-chamber!
Wizard is awfully protective of the Warblers he uses. The fact that he has had to point out to Jack and friends that these things specifically do not jam their communications devices implies that they did not know about this beforehand. Way to go Wizard, you dumbass.
This one's on West actually, for bringing this mad, probably senile old man with mad scientist inventions on a quest to fight the world and steal a giant diamond in an old Indiana Jones set-piece. Fuck you Jack.
The six Germans ran down the slipway, chased by the sliding stone.
When they came to the spiked pit, one lost his balance and fell in, chest first - impaling himself on the vicious spikes sticking up from the stone pit..
The others got to the larger diorite pit of the Second Gate too late.
Two managed to grip West's steel handholds for a couple of swings before all five of the remaining German troops were either impaled on the spikes on the leading edge of the sliding stone or jumped into the diorite pit to avoid those spikes just as - whoosh! - a blast of churning white water shot across the pit, sweeping them away, screaming
West's team raced ahead now. The sliding stone had given them the lead they needed. Having been blocked off momentarily behind it, and not having experienced the slipway before, the remainder of the German team were more cautious.
West's team increased their lead.
They swept down the tight vertical shaft to the spike-hole where-
Gay porn count: 29
West had correctly chosen the key of life, the ceiling of the water chamber having reset itself...
Still no radio contact with Noddy.
Across the stepping chamber, its stepping stones still submerged beneath the algae covered pool...
Still no radio contact.
Crouch-running down the length of the low tunnel, leaping over its cross-shafts.
And finally they came to the croc-filled atrium with its hand rungs in the ceiling and its vertical entry shaft at the far end.
Gay porn count: 30. He has to be doing this on purpose now.
I like how he's placed the repetition of Noddy not being able to answer on this page so close to each other. It really adds to the tension and drama, which would certainly not be better done by spreading out the lack of radio communication over multiple chapters, as opposed to merely writing about it once before, many chapters ago, so that we forget about it in the midst of all of this ridiculousness. Who thinks that Noddy is dead?
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| R.I.P |
Finally he got a reply,
"Huntsman! Hurry!" Noddy's Spanish accented voice replied suddenly in his ear piece, loud and hard. "Get out! Get out now! The Americans are here!"
And that is where this chapter ends. We have one final chase sequence to come, but that's not too long in comparison to the rest of this segment. Is Noddy able to get through their jamming device? Has finally managed to turn his radio on and figure out how to work it?
This book is weird.
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