The Sheikh also asks them to "remind me of the Seven Ancient Wonders please?"
So the "young Irishwoman" in the room rattles them off in order of construction, just in case we were in danger of being mistaken for intelligent people. Enjoy it though, because this is the only piece of characterization she will ever get.
Wizard and the like point out that just because something has not been found, then that does not make it a myth. Well then, Wizard, by the same logic Angela Lansbury is real!
This statement is in regards to the Hanging Gardens of Babylon and not, in fact, Matthew Reilly. The Canadian madman goes on to talk about how Alexander and Ptolemy visited or otherwise interacted with all seven of these eponymous structures (look at me! I managed to use the word "eponymous" in a sentence) but that it was Callimachus who mapped these specific buildings as "The Seven Wonders" as an attempt to make a map to the wonderful Capstone which they are all looking for.
Wizard and the like point out that just because something has not been found, then that does not make it a myth. Well then, Wizard, by the same logic Angela Lansbury is real!
 |
| In a future post I may explain my theories behind this train of logic. But for now enjoy the second best waifu. The best will be shown in another future post |
Key here in only two pages is the exposition regarding the Capstone. Reilly is a man of simultaneous bizarre brevity and meandering madness: here he explains the Capstone and its relation to Alexander, including what it was made of and how it was a gift from the Oracle of Delphi. Now, the Oracle was apparently the head of a cult called "The Cult of Amun-Ra" and these guys evolved into the Knights of St John. Responsible for placing the Capstone on the pyramid, they also removed it. By "they", I mean the Cult. Not the Knights of St John. Well, actually I am not sure. Which iteration of this group of triangle-obsessed folk is responsible for which pyramid redecoration is left unclear in the book.
What bearing do they have on the tale?
Aside from mentioning Alexander the Great as being a key member, absolutely nothing. Reilly does what all books about ancient conspiracies do and mentions the Freemasons here too, but they also amount to being little more than background fluff never brought up again. This should mean that we get back to the breakneck pacing of his usual works, right?
If only you could see the face I am pulling right now.
The Oracle has a line of children, unbroken, over the years who have the ability to read the language of this "Callimachus Text" in the "Word of Thoth". This text details where the various pieces of the Capstone are and will allow the gang to, presumably, find them if they have the ability to read (a bit of a leap considering our party) and can read this particular language. Why there isn't simply a cipher or a code is left unsaid, much like the love we all have for our favourite cipher:
The Oracle also apparently only ever has one child. In 4,500 years of existence there is only ever one kid. Don't take my word for it:
"the Oracle -male or female, the Oracle can be either- has always spawned one child."
Are you telling me that the Oracle never embarked on an "heir and a spare" policy? That their policy of carrying on the line of the ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN FIND THE MAGIC ROCKS is the same as my own regarding "number of wristwatches worn"? Even Sauron made multiple fucking rings! What if this kid turns out to be a jerk? What if they are born blind, or they just want to dance? Oh, but that will never happen, surely?
"The Oracle, a foul, distasteful man by all accounts, was killed two months later in a drunken accident."
Well gee fucking whizz.
The Oracle they are referring to is also the only black man in this book who is not Fuzzy. His wife (The Oracle's, not Fuzzy's, that would require backstory and character development) was the one carrying his children.
This is where the volcano comes into play.
I never thought that I would be writing that sentence in my life.
Actually, it doesn't explain the volcano.
See, the big info dump in this chapter is that the Europeans who are hunting for the Capstone now have the kid and a copy of the text (apparently copied in secret in the 13th century, hence the involvement of the Vatican, which opens up a whole slew of possibilities including the Pope being behind this, which would actually be kind of awesome) so seem to have this shit covered. However, the girl these guys pulled is the first time that the Oracle has EVER had twins, so they are at an advantage here because they too have a magic baby.
Now the plan is finally explained:
These nations raise the baby in secret until she can read the Text, follow its clues and grab the first piece of the magic rock they can get their hands on, holding onto it long enough for the ritual to pass and the entire quest to be rendered moot, thus saving the world and not letting any one nation or person come out on top.
That's... actually not too bad.
Wizard proposes that each of thee delegates offer up a soldier to guard the girl, to raise her and then embark on the quest. To his immense credit, Reilly actually has this:
"But I warn you. This will be a long mission, a mission of years, not months. It will be one of constant vigilance, self-sacrifice and discipline."
So he at least acknowledges the fact that these guys will be out of action for 13 plus years, all to guard this girl and stop America and Europe from gathering pieces of a magic golden rock.
It is completely unrelated, but I want to show you this superfluous line about West with absolutely no context:
"Since he was his own delegation, West didn't need to discuss anything with anyone."
I know what he was trying to do here: make West out to be the badass loner and mysterious hero, but all I can picture is a one-armed lunatic sat in the corner because nobody wants to talk to this crazy person. Less Jack Reacher, more Jackanory. Well, I got a laugh out of it, especially since this is in an Irish farmhouse and thus looks more like an awkward wedding than a diplomatic meeting.
Now we finally get an intro to all but one of our main characters. Are you ready? Do not blink. For Canada:
"Canada already had Max Epper."
And then there is Saudi Arabia (you know, back when we didn't talk about the human rights abuses):
"On behalf of the United Arab Emirates, I offer my second son, Captain Zahir Anzar al Abbas." The trooper who had been sitting beside Abbas for the duration of the meeting stood. He was a rotund fellow, short and round -some would say chubby - with a bushy black beard and turban. "Captain Zahir Anzar al Abbas, heavy arms, explosives, 1st Commando Squadron, at your command. Callsign Saladin."
There's simultaneously a lot and not very much to unpack there.
Our token Arab character is a little fat man, the son of a Sheikh and known as "Saladin". Jack Shaheen would have a field day with this. We at least know that the guy is into heavy weapons and explosives (a nice escape from the terrorist stereotype, surely...) but for every time this specialty (or indeed anybody else's) comes up you are to take a shot of Absinthe. On this knowledge, my Omid Djalili theory stands.
Saladin is one of the few prominent members of this group throughout the book and whilst descriptions aren't everything, we don't ever get much more than that to go on. He bickers with Stretch; and the fact that he has the closest thing resembling an arc to anybody in this novel is both a spoiler and an indicator of something amiss with all of this.
But enough of that! We have my favourite description possibly in the history of fiction, and certainly a Matthew Reilly novel, coming right up!
Then the Spaniards' representative stood: tall, handsome and athletic, he looked like Ricky Martin, only tougher.
The man does give his name, which I am going to ignore because it comes straight after that nugget of solid fucking gold. I want a Ricky Martin movie now, where he is the main character. You know what, fuck that, I want Ricky Martin as every single one of these characters.
His specialty is apparently "Underwater destruction and demolition", which I thought was the tagline to "Finding Nemo", but here we are.
The Jamaicans introduced a tall dreadlocked fellow named Sergeant V.J Weatherly, call-sign: Witch Doctor.
Ricky Martin was given a full name (Enrique Velacruz, in case you were wondering), a specialty and even a handful of lines where he introduces himself. Our black guy only gets "V.J", which I choose to believe stands for "VelJohnson" after the "Die Hard" alumni, infinitely improving this book.
Fun fact, I almost wrote "movie" instead of book there.
The New Zealanders offered a big hairy-faced NZAF pilot nicknamed Sky Monster.
Surely due to there being fuck all on that island, everybody in New Zealand can fly a plane?
Last of all, the Irish offered two representatives: one of which was the only woman to join this special multinational unit.
They sent Zoe Kissane and the giant fellow who sat by her side, her brother, Liam. Both hailed from the famed Irish commando unit, the Sciathan Fhianoglach an Airm.
I am not even going to try to pronounce that.
She introduced herself:
Haven't we already been? Oh fuck it.
"Sergeant Zoe Kissane, hostage rescue, advanced medical. Call sign: Bloody Mary."
Oh if only you know how hilarious that first specialty of hers was in this book.
He did too: "Corporal Liam Kissane, also hostage rescue, bomb disposal, heavy arms. Call sign: Gunman."
Why are there two heavy arms specialists on the team? This is going to be a swift, chase-focused narrative. As awesome as it would be to have West wield an arm cannon and Liam to go back-to-back wielding miniguns with Omid Djalili as Horus swoops overhead, I feel that it would detract from the purpose somewhat. I know that I have complained about the terrible nickname before, but I shall do so again here: Why is the man's nickname/callsign "Gunman" when he specialises in bomb disposal and heavy arms? Surely "Boomer" would be more appropriate? Or "Knockout"? I only came up with those two off the top of my head and the latter makes no sense, but is certainly more appropriate than "Gunman".
And why do the Irish get two representatives?
It will make sense, on a meta-textual level, many chapters down the line.
And there they stood, all around the wide table, the nine chosen representatives of eight small nations who were about to embark on the mission of their lives.
I would quote "Guardians of the Galaxy" here, but that would be too easy.
They would acquire a tenth member soon -Stretch, from Israel- but he would not be a member of their choosing.
I had to include this next sentence because it pisses me off.
We have established that the interminable preceding chapters were in media reas, where we met Stretch the Isreali sniper and could work out from that that he would be a member of their team (unless West was merely going mad and hallucinated him, which in a story with Wizards on the team, is entirely likely), and through basic maths we can work out:
9 + 1
=
10
That was therefore superfluous, Reilly seemingly believing that we could not make sense of this ourselves, but not content with that he had to give us a spoiler about how that guy would join and something regarding the circumstances of it. Not content with THAT, he gives us a spoiler for something in a section TWO PAGES after this one. Reilly, we can wait, it's fine. We can fathom and comprehend things, we can work stuff out.
Our chapter ends the way that Matthew Reilly chapters often do: he drops a line which is supposed to be dramatic or revelatory, or some sort of terrible cliffhanger. West tells Saladin that the girl has a name: Lily. This is, right down to the number of lines and its place in the book, the set up of "Ice Station" too (a Shane "Scarecrow" Schofield novel) wherein a minor character we give less than zero shits about introduces himself as Luc Champion.
Fun fact: This is better than Ice Station.
What bearing do they have on the tale?
Aside from mentioning Alexander the Great as being a key member, absolutely nothing. Reilly does what all books about ancient conspiracies do and mentions the Freemasons here too, but they also amount to being little more than background fluff never brought up again. This should mean that we get back to the breakneck pacing of his usual works, right?
If only you could see the face I am pulling right now.
The Oracle has a line of children, unbroken, over the years who have the ability to read the language of this "Callimachus Text" in the "Word of Thoth". This text details where the various pieces of the Capstone are and will allow the gang to, presumably, find them if they have the ability to read (a bit of a leap considering our party) and can read this particular language. Why there isn't simply a cipher or a code is left unsaid, much like the love we all have for our favourite cipher:
 |
| Charles. Charles Cyphers, in case you were wondering. Here he is on behalf of all Matthew Reilly readers. |
"the Oracle -male or female, the Oracle can be either- has always spawned one child."
Are you telling me that the Oracle never embarked on an "heir and a spare" policy? That their policy of carrying on the line of the ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN FIND THE MAGIC ROCKS is the same as my own regarding "number of wristwatches worn"? Even Sauron made multiple fucking rings! What if this kid turns out to be a jerk? What if they are born blind, or they just want to dance? Oh, but that will never happen, surely?
"The Oracle, a foul, distasteful man by all accounts, was killed two months later in a drunken accident."
Well gee fucking whizz.
The Oracle they are referring to is also the only black man in this book who is not Fuzzy. His wife (The Oracle's, not Fuzzy's, that would require backstory and character development) was the one carrying his children.
This is where the volcano comes into play.
I never thought that I would be writing that sentence in my life.
Actually, it doesn't explain the volcano.
See, the big info dump in this chapter is that the Europeans who are hunting for the Capstone now have the kid and a copy of the text (apparently copied in secret in the 13th century, hence the involvement of the Vatican, which opens up a whole slew of possibilities including the Pope being behind this, which would actually be kind of awesome) so seem to have this shit covered. However, the girl these guys pulled is the first time that the Oracle has EVER had twins, so they are at an advantage here because they too have a magic baby.
Now the plan is finally explained:
These nations raise the baby in secret until she can read the Text, follow its clues and grab the first piece of the magic rock they can get their hands on, holding onto it long enough for the ritual to pass and the entire quest to be rendered moot, thus saving the world and not letting any one nation or person come out on top.
That's... actually not too bad.
Wizard proposes that each of thee delegates offer up a soldier to guard the girl, to raise her and then embark on the quest. To his immense credit, Reilly actually has this:
"But I warn you. This will be a long mission, a mission of years, not months. It will be one of constant vigilance, self-sacrifice and discipline."
So he at least acknowledges the fact that these guys will be out of action for 13 plus years, all to guard this girl and stop America and Europe from gathering pieces of a magic golden rock.
It is completely unrelated, but I want to show you this superfluous line about West with absolutely no context:
"Since he was his own delegation, West didn't need to discuss anything with anyone."
I know what he was trying to do here: make West out to be the badass loner and mysterious hero, but all I can picture is a one-armed lunatic sat in the corner because nobody wants to talk to this crazy person. Less Jack Reacher, more Jackanory. Well, I got a laugh out of it, especially since this is in an Irish farmhouse and thus looks more like an awkward wedding than a diplomatic meeting.
Now we finally get an intro to all but one of our main characters. Are you ready? Do not blink. For Canada:
"Canada already had Max Epper."
And then there is Saudi Arabia (you know, back when we didn't talk about the human rights abuses):
"On behalf of the United Arab Emirates, I offer my second son, Captain Zahir Anzar al Abbas." The trooper who had been sitting beside Abbas for the duration of the meeting stood. He was a rotund fellow, short and round -some would say chubby - with a bushy black beard and turban. "Captain Zahir Anzar al Abbas, heavy arms, explosives, 1st Commando Squadron, at your command. Callsign Saladin."
There's simultaneously a lot and not very much to unpack there.
Our token Arab character is a little fat man, the son of a Sheikh and known as "Saladin". Jack Shaheen would have a field day with this. We at least know that the guy is into heavy weapons and explosives (a nice escape from the terrorist stereotype, surely...) but for every time this specialty (or indeed anybody else's) comes up you are to take a shot of Absinthe. On this knowledge, my Omid Djalili theory stands.
Saladin is one of the few prominent members of this group throughout the book and whilst descriptions aren't everything, we don't ever get much more than that to go on. He bickers with Stretch; and the fact that he has the closest thing resembling an arc to anybody in this novel is both a spoiler and an indicator of something amiss with all of this.
But enough of that! We have my favourite description possibly in the history of fiction, and certainly a Matthew Reilly novel, coming right up!
Then the Spaniards' representative stood: tall, handsome and athletic, he looked like Ricky Martin, only tougher.
The man does give his name, which I am going to ignore because it comes straight after that nugget of solid fucking gold. I want a Ricky Martin movie now, where he is the main character. You know what, fuck that, I want Ricky Martin as every single one of these characters.
 |
| All wearing exactly this exact costume. |
The Jamaicans introduced a tall dreadlocked fellow named Sergeant V.J Weatherly, call-sign: Witch Doctor.
Ricky Martin was given a full name (Enrique Velacruz, in case you were wondering), a specialty and even a handful of lines where he introduces himself. Our black guy only gets "V.J", which I choose to believe stands for "VelJohnson" after the "Die Hard" alumni, infinitely improving this book.
Fun fact, I almost wrote "movie" instead of book there.
The New Zealanders offered a big hairy-faced NZAF pilot nicknamed Sky Monster.
Surely due to there being fuck all on that island, everybody in New Zealand can fly a plane?
Last of all, the Irish offered two representatives: one of which was the only woman to join this special multinational unit.
They sent Zoe Kissane and the giant fellow who sat by her side, her brother, Liam. Both hailed from the famed Irish commando unit, the Sciathan Fhianoglach an Airm.
I am not even going to try to pronounce that.
She introduced herself:
Haven't we already been? Oh fuck it.
"Sergeant Zoe Kissane, hostage rescue, advanced medical. Call sign: Bloody Mary."
Oh if only you know how hilarious that first specialty of hers was in this book.
He did too: "Corporal Liam Kissane, also hostage rescue, bomb disposal, heavy arms. Call sign: Gunman."
Why are there two heavy arms specialists on the team? This is going to be a swift, chase-focused narrative. As awesome as it would be to have West wield an arm cannon and Liam to go back-to-back wielding miniguns with Omid Djalili as Horus swoops overhead, I feel that it would detract from the purpose somewhat. I know that I have complained about the terrible nickname before, but I shall do so again here: Why is the man's nickname/callsign "Gunman" when he specialises in bomb disposal and heavy arms? Surely "Boomer" would be more appropriate? Or "Knockout"? I only came up with those two off the top of my head and the latter makes no sense, but is certainly more appropriate than "Gunman".
And why do the Irish get two representatives?
It will make sense, on a meta-textual level, many chapters down the line.
And there they stood, all around the wide table, the nine chosen representatives of eight small nations who were about to embark on the mission of their lives.
I would quote "Guardians of the Galaxy" here, but that would be too easy.
They would acquire a tenth member soon -Stretch, from Israel- but he would not be a member of their choosing.
I had to include this next sentence because it pisses me off.
We have established that the interminable preceding chapters were in media reas, where we met Stretch the Isreali sniper and could work out from that that he would be a member of their team (unless West was merely going mad and hallucinated him, which in a story with Wizards on the team, is entirely likely), and through basic maths we can work out:
9 + 1
=
10
That was therefore superfluous, Reilly seemingly believing that we could not make sense of this ourselves, but not content with that he had to give us a spoiler about how that guy would join and something regarding the circumstances of it. Not content with THAT, he gives us a spoiler for something in a section TWO PAGES after this one. Reilly, we can wait, it's fine. We can fathom and comprehend things, we can work stuff out.
Our chapter ends the way that Matthew Reilly chapters often do: he drops a line which is supposed to be dramatic or revelatory, or some sort of terrible cliffhanger. West tells Saladin that the girl has a name: Lily. This is, right down to the number of lines and its place in the book, the set up of "Ice Station" too (a Shane "Scarecrow" Schofield novel) wherein a minor character we give less than zero shits about introduces himself as Luc Champion.
Fun fact: This is better than Ice Station.
