So, when we last left our intrepid dick-bag, he was taking his little girl to a gigantic underground stone head which does not fill me with awe, fleeing Jesuits, abandoning his team of best friends, and still mourning the death of a supposedly beloved character who has been mentioned twice in fifty pages.
He had to take one more step forward to reach them and that meant triggering the final trap.
"Okay, kiddo. You ready to do your thing? For my sake, I hope you are."
The text got creepy, really quickly.
Take a shot.
"I'm ready," Lily said grimly.
She's so wise beyond her years.
And with that, West stepped forward and-
-chunk!-
-an unseen mechanism beneath the surface of the oil pool clamped tightly around his legs, pinning them in an ancient pair of submerged stone socks.
Hold up.
Take two shots for the italics, then we can talk about the mechanism. I understand that it is supposed to be a secret, but submerging it in oil cannot be good for it. I'm no engineer (and neither is Reilly) but would that mess with the mechanics of it? Sure, it keeps it well oiled, I guess, but why not have those drop stones from earlier? Or how about a trap which shows up later on, in the form of some cages? It has to be far more practical than "stone socks". Speaking of which, why didn't he call them "stone boots"? Stone boots are far cooler than stone socks.
West was now immobile... within easy reach of the three pendants.
I would never have guessed. Thanks for clarifying that West can't just take the socks off.
"Okay, Lily," he said. "Go. Make your choice. And stay off me, in case you're wrong"
It'd be great if she just turned around and left.
Take three shots for the short sentences.
She leapt from his arms, onto the half-submerged collarbone of the great statue just as-
Whoosh!
A huge 10-ton drop-stone directly above West came alight with flames and... lurched on its chains!
So there are indeed drop stones? Okay, but how wide is the tunnel? If this thing is ten tons, it must be a pretty big rock in terms of width. If it's not, then it stands to reason that this thing is a gigantic rock-spear directly above their heads, placed like a column, though only designed to kill people standing at that exact spot where those stone socks (it gets stupider every time I say it) are placed. If they step around, over or between the socks, which is entirely likely, then it won't trigger. He also mentions that it is held in place by chains and on fire. Who designed this, Evel Knievel and some 14 year old metal fans? Were the previous rocks previously held in place by chains? How strong are the chains and what are they made of to have not rusted and still be able to hold this rock after hundreds of years?
This is starting to sound more and more like a gameshow, only one which is in its final series and resorting to more and more desperate tactics and gimmicks to avoid plummeting ratings.
Imhotep V's final trap in the quarry mine was what is known as a 'reward trap'.
By whom?
It allowed the rightful claimant to the Second Piece to have it, if they could identify the correct one.
Because these mercenaries are clearly the rightful claimants.
Choose the right 'pendant' and the flaming drop-stone remained in place an the submerged leg-clamps opened. Choose the wrong piece, and the drop-stone fell, crushing you and igniting the pool.
What if there's only one person here and they avoid the clamps? I know this trap is supposed to be epic, but surely this is a one-hit thing? A really mercenary, heartless person (like del Piero, apparently, or our protagonists) would simply trigger the trap and avoid the flames (or, you know, bring a fire extinguisher) and then make their way around the rock after it fell. Or maybe they could get some of those German engineers to tunnel through it.
Unless you need a diorite pick.
Twat.
Lily stared at the strange text on each pendant.
It looked extremely odd, this little girl evaluating the incredibly ancient symbols.
THAT is the oddest thing we have seen? I would credit that as being a joke, if this were written by someone better, like my neighbour, or the man I met in a pub who can't move his hands due to arthritis.
West watched her, tense, expectant... and suddenly worried.
"Can you read it?" he asked.
Well this would be a sterling time to discover that she can, in fact, not.
"It's different to the other inscriptions I've read..." she said distractedly.
I'd be amazed if it wasn't, Lily, because then you'd be at home, reading those, and not in a structurally impossible fire dungeon with a maniacal Australian and half of the European army. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, maybe she's actually struggling with a very complex languag which we have never been told of before, and is struggling largely due to the pressure of the situation, the language itself, and the fact that she is a child. She's clearly a genius to have been brought on this mission, traversing danger with hardened troops, so this is her time to shine.
"What-?" West blanched.
Abruptly Lily's eyes lit up in understanding. "Ahh, I get it. Some of the words are written vertically..."
We're doomed.
Take a shot.
"I'm ready," Lily said grimly.
She's so wise beyond her years.
And with that, West stepped forward and-
-chunk!-
-an unseen mechanism beneath the surface of the oil pool clamped tightly around his legs, pinning them in an ancient pair of submerged stone socks.
Hold up.
Take two shots for the italics, then we can talk about the mechanism. I understand that it is supposed to be a secret, but submerging it in oil cannot be good for it. I'm no engineer (and neither is Reilly) but would that mess with the mechanics of it? Sure, it keeps it well oiled, I guess, but why not have those drop stones from earlier? Or how about a trap which shows up later on, in the form of some cages? It has to be far more practical than "stone socks". Speaking of which, why didn't he call them "stone boots"? Stone boots are far cooler than stone socks.
 |
| Maybe he was being hip and down with the kids, and it was actually Emma Stone submerged under the water and holding Hugh Jackman hostage. Also, her bag looks like a ferret in this shot. Double also, there is a surprisingly large fetishistic sock community on the internet. |
I would never have guessed. Thanks for clarifying that West can't just take the socks off.
"Okay, Lily," he said. "Go. Make your choice. And stay off me, in case you're wrong"
It'd be great if she just turned around and left.
Take three shots for the short sentences.
She leapt from his arms, onto the half-submerged collarbone of the great statue just as-
Whoosh!
A huge 10-ton drop-stone directly above West came alight with flames and... lurched on its chains!
So there are indeed drop stones? Okay, but how wide is the tunnel? If this thing is ten tons, it must be a pretty big rock in terms of width. If it's not, then it stands to reason that this thing is a gigantic rock-spear directly above their heads, placed like a column, though only designed to kill people standing at that exact spot where those stone socks (it gets stupider every time I say it) are placed. If they step around, over or between the socks, which is entirely likely, then it won't trigger. He also mentions that it is held in place by chains and on fire. Who designed this, Evel Knievel and some 14 year old metal fans? Were the previous rocks previously held in place by chains? How strong are the chains and what are they made of to have not rusted and still be able to hold this rock after hundreds of years?
This is starting to sound more and more like a gameshow, only one which is in its final series and resorting to more and more desperate tactics and gimmicks to avoid plummeting ratings.
Imhotep V's final trap in the quarry mine was what is known as a 'reward trap'.
By whom?
It allowed the rightful claimant to the Second Piece to have it, if they could identify the correct one.
Because these mercenaries are clearly the rightful claimants.
Choose the right 'pendant' and the flaming drop-stone remained in place an the submerged leg-clamps opened. Choose the wrong piece, and the drop-stone fell, crushing you and igniting the pool.
What if there's only one person here and they avoid the clamps? I know this trap is supposed to be epic, but surely this is a one-hit thing? A really mercenary, heartless person (like del Piero, apparently, or our protagonists) would simply trigger the trap and avoid the flames (or, you know, bring a fire extinguisher) and then make their way around the rock after it fell. Or maybe they could get some of those German engineers to tunnel through it.
Unless you need a diorite pick.
Twat.
Lily stared at the strange text on each pendant.
 |
| As the reader stared at the strange text on this page. |
THAT is the oddest thing we have seen? I would credit that as being a joke, if this were written by someone better, like my neighbour, or the man I met in a pub who can't move his hands due to arthritis.
West watched her, tense, expectant... and suddenly worried.
"Can you read it?" he asked.
Well this would be a sterling time to discover that she can, in fact, not.
"It's different to the other inscriptions I've read..." she said distractedly.
I'd be amazed if it wasn't, Lily, because then you'd be at home, reading those, and not in a structurally impossible fire dungeon with a maniacal Australian and half of the European army. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, maybe she's actually struggling with a very complex languag which we have never been told of before, and is struggling largely due to the pressure of the situation, the language itself, and the fact that she is a child. She's clearly a genius to have been brought on this mission, traversing danger with hardened troops, so this is her time to shine.
"What-?" West blanched.
Abruptly Lily's eyes lit up in understanding. "Ahh, I get it. Some of the words are written vertically..."
We're doomed.
